Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Ladylocks, Jan 22, 2005.
Who don't women want large families? Is it cuz of money, pain at birth, lack of free time/privacy?
All of the above.
i want a large family
Provided that my future husband has a job that will allow me to be a stay at home mother for a few years, I would love to have a large family. My ideal number is four.
Money is the only thing stopping us.
We would love to have kids all over the place (we have two now). My husband comes from a large extended family, and mine is extremely small (i was an only child), so having alot of kids sounds great to us. Besides, the first two already made me crazy, so the other issues no longer bother me. Maybe someday we'll have another "wave" of them, or adopt if we have the money (why is is that giving birth yourself is so much cheaper and easier than taking kids off someone else's hands?).
I used to think I wanted a big family, like four kids...but I've actually decided on two. Money plays a big roll in these things, since kids are a HUGE monetary investment. (I'm sure any parents here will back me up on that.) Personally I'd rather have a smaller family and have the means to do a lot of really crazyfun things (like my family did) than have a lot of kids and have trouble getting by. That's just my opinion though.
But also, since I have absolutely no intention of being a SAHM (other than right at the beginning), I would like to have a couple of children, probably close-ish together, and go back to work as soon as they're old enough to be in school. If I had a big family, I'd be at home a lot longer!
I have one son. He gets a LOT of time and energy, and is also at the age where he is becoming independent enough to kick us out for a night (so he can watch movies).
It's an intense relationship, and complicated with custody issues.
Had my situation been different nine years ago, we (new spouse and I ) might have had another. Now my energy demands are in different places and i would be hard put to generate the energy I had for my son.
By comparison, a good friend of mine is LDS and she is incubating #2. Her first was concieved on her honeymoon, at 30, and she was a virgin on her wedding night.
She seems to be tires but happy.
We both have $$ worries. We both are keeping our writing careers going, albeit at different levels.
But I am not worried about if my son will kick or hit the new baby.
My son is a great babysitter and has the paitence for groups of kids. He has watched autistic kids (one as part of a set of triplets)and other developmentally different children.
He probably will have a larger family.
I have too many friends with 6 to 9 kids (three moms) to desire so many.
I prefer to focus on one.
I believe that the population of the planet is too high as well. With three adults involved with one child the unit is at negative population growth. That suits me fine.
We don't need kids to go work out in the fields and help out with the farm anymore. There used to be an actual need, an actual reason to have a large family. It has pretty much disappeared. I don't think anyone needs to give birth to 3-4 kids these days when there are so many suffering, starving, sick, neglected children out there that we can't seem to care for already.
i don't want a lot of kids - not for the money, the privacy, or anything you said.
i want to be able to give my children one-on-one attention as much as possible. i want my hypothetical husband and myself to be the ones taking care of them - not the older ones babysitting the younger ones because there are 15 of them ranging in age from a few months to 17. to me, having a big family just makes you one of a brood - not to say those people aren't happy, but it's just not what i want. my sole purpose in this life is not to have a lot of children, and i don't think it's fair to the children i will have if i'm unable to spend quality time with each of them.
like superNova mentioned, I'd wanna be able to give them as much one-on-one attention as possible. I don't think I'd want to have more than one kid around, but I'm an only child so I know that that can be a positive experience for sure. I don't think I'd have enough patience to deal with more than one kid! at least, not while they're younger.
I'm still pretty young though, so I may yet change my mind, it's hard to say.
I want to have kids. I'd love to have a big family. I can see myself adopting, too. I don't know. I'm only 18, it's not like I don't have time to decide.
The reason people have children, and how many they have is as personal as anything. There are as many reasons for people having children as not having them. No one should have children if they don't REALLY want them, and no one should have any more children than they really want. There is also money to consider. With one in college, one a Jr in HS, and two more younger, it is getting MORE expensive to take care of my children than it was when they were babies and toddlers.
Health reasons also play in. Some womyn just can't have any pregnancies, or have too many. Four was a stretch for me, but we wanted them, (and most of them were welcome surprises) and the babies and I, thank God survived my difficult pregnancies. I can understand a womyn having pregnancies more difficult than mine not wanting anymore. Totally.
And if people want no kids, that is perfect for them. With 6 Billion people on the planet we don't all need to be breeding, especially people who really don't want or like kids. There will always be plenty of people who do want them. The Human Species isn't going to die out because people are planning their families, or having smaller ones.
Money/carreer decisions don't come into it; I'm far from rich but I believe you can always find a way. I just don't like (very) small children. I've never baby-sat in my life, never changed a diaper, and I want to keep it that way.
I have four kids, beleive me, money has a LOT to do with it. A LOT. They need to eat, they need clothes, they get sick, they have to be transported, they need something to play with, they need books, they have to be schooled in some manner, (and no one home "colleges.") Look at the price of colleges (or diapers for that matter) and tell me "you can always find a way." Most of the people I know have less children than they want, because they don't want the ones they already have to live on mac and cheese and have to quit school just to help support the family.
And career decisions, hell YEAH. It plays into it. I would have gone to medical school, if I hadn't gotten pregnant and then realized that I couldn't have been a great doctor AND a great mama at the same time. (Hey maybe some people can, but I didn't feel I could. So I chose to not go to Med School.)
If you've never raised and supported kids.................never mind.
MaggieSugar, I just meant it is not part of the decision for me, which I believe was the question. I wouldn't even consider kids if I were as rich as Bill Gates. I personally have no interest in a carreer even though I have no kids. I do not in any way intend to suggest that these factors aren't important to others.
But yes I believe there's always a way to be found, I've lived quite comfortably on very little money just by not needing many luxury things and I have seen friends with children do the same around me.
(Okay, the question was more general about why don't women want large families... but almost all previous posters had answered for themselves and that's what I did... I can't answer for others 'cause I am not them, I might be able to speculate but I wouldn't use definite statements then)
Hmmm, I beleive in God. I didn't get a check for $100,000 when I started looking at Med Schools from Heaven though. Who do you refer to as "WE?" If you DO have kids, or hope to have them, I HOPE you are worrying about the price of college.....and food....and medicine......and a place to live. Ever tried this line on someone who lives in the street and hasn't eaten in four days? It doesn't go over so well.
In many cases God helps those who help themselves. He doesn't just hand out a couple of hundred grand for Med School, or even a couple of hundred for groceries. Then again, some people try and still can't get enough. What do you tell them? God didn't love you enough for you to eat today? Ridiculous. Live in reality. I don't LIKE money, or the "idea" of it, but you need it to live, and to raise kids, as well.
Then again, if you don't have kids you really don't know..........
You've obviously never been homeless or hungry.......or even not gotten what you needed? Maybe that didn't sound right. But, shit, do you really believe that there is ALWAYS a "way to be found?" I've seen hungry people, and I don't believe what you said is true.
I know plenty of people, especially children, who don't get what they need. If this wasn't true, there would be no poverty, no child abuse, no illiteracy, no sadness, no dissapointment. One doesn't have to be a millionaire to have kids, but poverty or even low income, DOES have an impact on how many children MANY people have. And how much those kids are enriched.
hahaha i found that hilarious. kind of reminds me of a jack handy quote...
anyway, i'll get back on the subject...
a friend of mine had a baby at a fairly young age. kids are always expensive.. it's difficult to save for college if you can barely save enough money for rent. her daughter is getting to the point where she wants certain toys, and my friend feels horrible that she can't buy her kid the things she wants. she gets anxious every time marilyn is invited to another kid's birthday party.. she strugles enough to buy her own kid food and warm clothes, never mind buying a toy for her friends (and also worries that the other kids will stop inviting marilyn to parties). as for god, sure, it might bring one happiness and love and joy, but god doesn't write checks or drop presents from the sky like santa. the kid has life (which for the religious is a gift from god) but what about QUALITY of life -- not just on the less-important aspects of toys, but warm clothing, proper nutrition, doctors visits (and health insurance!), and (like you mentioned, too) access to higher education.
I've lived for a couple years in a community where most of us didn't have any regular income. We lived together, whoever had money went to the store and bought what we needed and what we could afford. I've lived on mac and cheese and ramen noodles at times, and we've taken in people who were kicked out of their apartments. You have to be creative and sure it does have an impact -I never said everyone I knew could give all their kids brandname clothes, the very best education possible. But being creative goes a very long way, as does a social network of people who don't have to be rich either but who're willing to support someone, knowing that at some other point the tables might be turned. I have seen poverty but those close to me, even when we had very little, never went hungry, never had to sleep a night outside and always had clothes to wear. If you don't have many friends you could easily end up worse off, that is true. And sure, some of those kids won't be able to go to university but I'd rather trade places with them than with a bunch of rich kids I know whose carreer-minded parents never have time for them but spend lots of money on anything material they want.
You are entitled to you opinion. Raising children is a tough subject. Saying that all parents who want their children to do well, and get and education, are people who don't spend time with their kids, and only buy them love is a naive attitude. Silly, actually.
Being able to afford nutritious food and an education for your children is important. If an adult chooses to live on substandard food, or if a parent has no choice, that is one thing, but good parents give their kids all that they can. And if that means spending time and effort to get an education and USE it, if they are able, then that is what good parents do. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Having a child is a responsibility. Good parents do all they can to give their children what they need to thrive. No one said a word about ""brandname clothes" simply providing what children NEED. And nutritious food and a good education is a neccesity.
This is an incredible naive statement, especially from someone in their late 30s. I've seen too much struggle and poverty, and the difficult situations these cause in their children, in the lives people who didn't get an education to think that it isn't important. You don't have kids, so you don't have to worry about it. I do, so I worry, and my husband and I provide more than ramen noodles and a crash pad for the children we chose to bring into the world.
If you choose to think that living in abject poverty is better for children than actually having good food, good healthy home and good education, that is your choice. I don't have that luxury, as I am responsible for the next generation in general, and my own flesh and blood specifically. Almost all those who have children, and don't have the choice about living in poverty would seriously disagree with you. Most people do not like to see children suffer, nor do they think it is at all Romantic, honorable or poetic. Hungry children are not a pretty sight, neither are homeless ones. Good parents do whatever they can to give their children good food, a good home, good atmosphere, and a good education. There is nothing Romantic about being jobless, or underemployed, and not being able to make ends meet, and having your children suffer because of it.
Like I said before, if you don't have kids................you don't get it.
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