Child Spacing

Does anyone have an opinion on spacing children several years apart, like 7? Any opinions on having just one child? I am having a debate with myself about this, and thought I would solicit others opinions.

Thanks, Tiffany

 

In my personal oppinion, I would say if you want to have a kid, have two at least. I have had many friends that were single children, and their parents were always kind of adopting me into their family, as if they feel quilty, that their kid is "alone". I sometimes think that some, not all, and I really don't want to step on anyones toe here, are spoiled. Not always in a really bad way, not always in a materialistic way. Single children always have the undevided attention of both parents, they never have to share anything. this does not mean, they can't, but I have seen more single children that can't then ones who have siblings.


It's not wrong to have only one kid, but I think it's better to have more then one.

But this is just my personal oppinion, and it might be slightly influences, as I am one of four.....

As with spacing, not too long, not too short (you as a mom need time to recover) but a 2 -3 year difference is probably average.

 

there was 4 years difference between me and my nearest older brother, and 10 years between me and my younger sister. personally, as a sibling, i felt both spaces were too far apart. i felt very alone and ignored. i'm not at all close to my older brothers, though my little sister, little brother and myself are close because i did a lot of their childcare, which can be a good thing AND a bad thing.

my husband is 5 years older that his little sister, and they're close because they lived out in the country for a long time and had no one else to play with. dave was also responsible for a lot of marcie's upbringing and care. to this day marcie thinks dave raised her, just as my little sis SWEARS i'm her real mom. so you may wanna keep that in mind, too.

but family is family. i waited 3 years before i got pregnant again, because i thought i wasn't going to be able to have anymore children. now i worry that they may be a little too far apart in age. i just don't know. either way, they're siblings and they're going to love one another. these things just have a way of working themselves out when there's enough love and family time.

 

i'v eheard that an age difference anywhere from 1-3 years can be the worst due to jealousy....
there's 3 years between me and my sister, and there were a couple years when i was around 16-17 and she was 13-14 where we got along....but it was more of a united thing against my mom's fiance (long story).....now i can't stand her....she's the most self-absorbed, unconciencious, uncompassionate person I know....I say this because she has said some of the most discusting things about my daughter, told me and my husband to die and rot in hell, and thats just the start....she still thinks of me as just her bratty sister, and there's always been jealousy issues with us since we were little.
We're planning on having our next kids when Leane is about 7. We're going to be in school for the next 6 or so years, and don't want to have another baby in the middle of that, and while we'll be living off student loans.
But then we're going to have them all spaced closely together. That was how we were originally going to do it, but Leane was a big surprise!

 

I had three kids under five at one point. And then a few years later I had two more, also very close in age. Then I waited 24 years to adopt number 6. He is totally like an only child. It doesn't help that we live 1000 miles away from the other kids or the fact that he is his father's only child. My older kids are ore like Dakota's aunt and uncles than his brothers and sister. When I'm out with my daughter and her two everyone just assumes that all three kids are hers and I'm the grandmother. You should see the looks I get when Dakota calls me Mommy. I think it's good for kids to have someone their own size to play with. My daughter is now pregnant with number 3. Her 7 year old daughter is acting out all over the place because she is being displaced as the baby. I think that may be too wide of an age span. The body normally is pregnant for 9 months, breastfeeds for 2 years, and then gets pregnant again. So kids are normally spaced about 3 years apart if nature took it's course. To me that's a good age span. But that's just my humble opinion.

Kathi

 

I'm exactly three years older than my younger brother. When he came along, I was old enough to be potty-trained, walk, talk, and do things for myself. I could also understand what was going on when properly explained to me. I didn't display any jealousy, but rather embraced the new baby as a new experience to learn and grow from. Three is a very precocious age, and I feel that being three when my brother was introduced to me helped me to see it in a very positive light.

My fiance is also three years older than his brother. Same can be said for him for the most part. His parents weren't nearly as detailed in explaining things, but he got what was going on and took to his brother right away.

Plus, later on down the line, three years difference allows the children some freedom of movement. They get their own friends, their own school for a few years (if you don't homeschool), their own interests, and all of that. It better allows them to express individuality. If my fiance and I decide to have more children, it will be after two years to get pregnant, because three years is just a good age difference.

 

I agree three years is great! Thats how far apart me and my brother are and we are friends now. and always got along fairly well

 

My Daughters are five years apart and Cheyanne my Oldest helps me take care of her sister Raven whos 6 months like a mini mom,,,,Having my children spaced out is wonderful,

 

I know that my dad & his sisters are all 6 years apart. And none of them have ever gotten along. But there was a lot of parental "favorite" games involved, so I don't know how much of that was from age and how much was natural jealousy from their circumstances.

My sisters & I are 3.5 & 5 years apart... they are 17 months apart from each other. My younger sister & I get along just fine, but the youngest & I fight like cats & dogs. I think our arguments are more from personality conflict than age-based though. But my two sisters never could get along to save their lives. So from personal experience, I'd have to say that 17 months seems to be too close together.

My own kids are 4.3 years apart. And they are the absolute best of friends. I mean this truly... they adore each other. But I have a son & a daughter, and I've heard from many other parents that one child of each gender do tend to get along far better than same-sex children.

So from my experience I'd say 3-4 years apart is pretty good. Hopefully you don't have 2 in diapers at the same time that way & the older child is old enough to understand things like mama needing to spend time with the baby, but they're still close enough in age to really be friends with each other.
love,
mom

 

There are 9 years between my sister and I. This wasn't planned, my parents wanted us closer in age but had a very difficult time conceiving. My mother always said that she felt like she was starting completely over again when she had my sister as it had been quite some time since she had been in a "baby mode".

Anyway, our oldest son and our twins are 3.5 years apart. My hubby and I had decided after we had our oldest son that we wanted to wait 3-4 years before having any more children. We figured we wanted three children, and that's what we got, except we got two one shot when we had the twins.

I like the spacing we have. I think it works well for us. I was still in the "baby mode" when our twins were born, so it wasn't a big adjustment, I pretty much just went with the flow. I totally love having three children. As far as how our oldest acted with the arrival of his twin siblings, well, that was a rough ride. A lot of competition, a lot of jealousy. I won't lie, we had a difficult time. But now? They're super close and he loves his brother and sister dearly!

I had always wished that I had had my siblings growing up myself.

 

Tiffany I myself was having the same questions. Right now my son is 7 and I have been wondering about how it would affect him with having another baby. I was not in the position to have children as close together as I would of liked. It took me some time to find my true soul mate with whom i want to spend the rest of my life with and so I have chose that i am going to have more children and I will give them all the love i have and have faith that we will all be happy.

 

Totally agree with Kastenfrosch & HippyFreek2004

I'm three years older than my brother, and we've always got along. Was old enough to be independant and understand what was going on so not be jealous, but we're close enough in age to play well together.

Am so glad to have him. For the company in a way, sharing our lives together and having such a unique relationship. At the time you can be more self-reliant because you don't have your parents undivided attention and expectations.

Seven years seems too much, the children would always be at totally diffrent stages of life so it might be hard to find common ground. Still there isn't really any magic forumla with all this, and it can be a gamble either way, you just have to do what's right for you and hope for the best.

 

i'm just going to speak from experience (like everybody else seems to be doing.. haha) anyway, i'm the oldest of four... my brother is just shy of two years younger than me..alexa is 7 years younger than aaron, and ashley (different dad) is 8 years younger than alexa. i know aaron and i always got along, and i took care of alexa like a mom, aaron and alexa still have conflict, always have, and the littlest is, of course, spoiled. part of that is she lives with her dad and is his only child.. the rest of us haven't seen our dad in... 3 or 4 years now. (he's not the most reliable person around anyway really.. ) while ashley's dad, our stepdad, is really great and loves us all, he does very obviously favor ashley and treats her like a princess. i have to say aaron and i felt alexa was spoiled too though... the parent situation, income, all that changed drastically between all of us too which affected some of the relationships... aaron and i lived in poverty pretty much, alexa had is pretty good, ashley has it great.

anyway, that was really long... we all get along, but there are some issues with comparing lifestyles during the different ages, and jealousy with that. i'd say having the kids closer than 7-8 years apart is best... i'd probably go with 2-4 years between. there are more memories to share, and more common interests (age based anyway), but i don't think it's terrible to have them all spaced out like my siblings either... just depends on the parenting and the personalities of everybody.

 

I have a half-sister who is 11 years older than me who was out making trouble most of the time, so I was raised like an only child. I wish my parents would have had at least one or two more, within a couple years of me. A twin would be nice, even!

 

My own boys are 3 years and one month apart. I wouldn't change a thing.

My 3 siblings and I are spread out over 16 years. At present we are 36, 33, 24, 20. I wouldn't change a thing.

My point is I guess, that everyone is different and you can't force people (or siblings) to get along any better just because of their ages. My sister and I are the oldest and the closest in age, we hated each other most of our childhood. We were just too different. We get along fine now, but we are not close by any means. We are 3 years apart.

The brother next to me is 9 years younger...and we are the closest. We are the best of friends and make each other laugh all the time.

 

I'm not sure spacing matters that much. I am the oldest of 6 children. the next child is 2 yrs younger than me the rest are the next three are a year apart each then we have a sibling three yrs later and another 3 yrs later. I get along well and am very close with all of my sibiling even my sister 10 yrs. younger than me. although we do seem to clan in best friend groups. the oldest two girls the middle two boys and the youngest two girls.
My daughters are three years apart and we are thinking of another child as well and our youngest is five and i feel it is just fine because of how well my sibiling situation as been. really all of my sibiling live with in 6 blocks or less of eachother we are that close no matter of age. so i say don't worry and go for a baby if you want one.

 

Everyone's family is different. My first two dds were 26 months apart. There was little jealousy or sib rivalry. My ds was born 3 years later, still, not much rivalry. Yeah, they fought, but not bad. Sage was born when Sunshine was 13, Moon was 11, and Lennon was 8. She gets along better with Lennon and Sunshine, than with Moon, but that is more personality than age, I think. She is now 6 and I hear a lot of "Stop treating her like a baby, mom." But, they were all raised the same way, they were just little, so they didn't see being LOVED as being "babied." LOL!

 

i'd agree with everyone who says three years....i've always said at least two school years is best. my sister and i are 18 months apart, a year in school and it's too close. there's a massive maturity gap (especially now that i'm in college and she's still in hs); we don't get along terribly well to begin with because we're so different. i've always felt hindered by/stuck with her and she's always felt inferior/like she's living in my shadow. it's just not a great situation all around. i feel absolutely horrible for how i feel about her, but i just don't like the feeling of her invading my life and friends and such. the only way i'd ever consider having kids closer together than two years would be if they were different genders.

 

my brothers and sisters are 1970, 1972, 1974 and 1975...no problems for me being the oldest far as I ever knew but it wasn't till I was lads older that I heard about my youngest brother having a hard time with everyone leaving home and such....probably as much to do with youngest sibling stuff as with personality but I do think that it isn't as important nowadays but we all get along whilst acknowledging different experiences.


Funnily enough there was an article in the paper this week about mothers spacing births too close together for some doctors liking....I will hunt for the article as it had a few points about body recovery and stuff that was interesting however I do have a few friends who have chosen to have babies close together such as my friends whose son is one month younger than my daughter (3 and a half) and now has two others...really I think it is totally up to the woman to decide if she thinks her body is up for it.

 

My sister is seven years younger than me, my brother is nine years older than me...and there is a 16 year age difference between by brother and my sister...

They get along great...because my brother's maturity level is that of my sisters...and I don't get along with either of them because I'm much more mature than the two of them put together...


I guess it just depends on the children's personalities...some click, some don't. I'm not sure if it necessarily makes a difference how close or far apart they are in age...it mostly has to do with maturity levels...all three of us have been raised very differently...so...it depends, I'd say.