Hello! I'm new to the forum and was wondering if you guys can give any tips! My boyfriend and I have been attempting anal for 3 years. I always love how it feels at first, but after about 2-5 minutes it becomes painful, and not in a good way, so I tell him to pull out. We've tried using lube and extended foreplay but nothing seems to be working. What should we do? Thanks!
It depends on a lot of things, like what possition are you trying in are you fully relaxed? if you can elaborate on the issue then it will be easier to give you advice
Bottom line is anal is not for everyone. 2-5 minutes can be a long time. Like you said it feels good at the beginning and then starts going down hill. Chances are that the lube is rubbing off and friction is beginning to play a role. Extended foreplay is good for warming things up but not like anything lasting long term if you were hoping for something along those lines. I'd say the first thing if you want to continue with anal sex is make sure it is not something in your head and your body is not tensing up because it is expecting it to become painful. The second thing is maybe try for shorter periods of time. Have sex for a minute or so and then switch to something else and come back after a bit. Third if you're hoping for making your anus be more open you're probably going to have to try wearing a plug outside of sex and graduating up as you get used to them. Forth is during anal sex stop more often and apply more lube. Make sure you are using something of good quality and preferably water based. Fifth, try slowing it down. Most of the time things start slow and then it can turn into a pounding. Take your time and run a slow and nice rhythm.
You have not mentioned how big your boyfriend it. I was fucked once years ago by a friend after a night out of drinking. It was many years ago and I have wanted to do it again ever since then. It was my first time and I was totally relaxed, well lubricated and his dick was average to maybe smaller than average. It slipped right in and was pleasurable from the getgo. I have used toys to pleasure myself and they always go in easily with lubrication. I can take a cucumber without difficulty and with pleasure, so I think it is all about what size he is and how well you relax your anal muscle. If I were not married I know I would be out there trying to find a partner to fuck me again and it is unfortunate for me that my friend moved away shortly after our encounter. Over the years I have thought of the experience and want so much to repeat it as well as going oral. I love going oral on a woman and I know doing it with the right guy would be even more enjoyable. So let yourself relax, maybe a few glasses of wine, adequate relaxation and have him go slowly or start with some small toys and work your way up to his size. Have fun!
Redhead, I once was a promiscuous, sexually driven young woman. Never liked anal. In 30+ years of marriage, done it less than a dozen times, and never really missed it. But always enjoyed a thumb or finger up my ass while p-I-v.
I have always enjoyed anal stimulation and have found lubricants that can be applied inside as opposed to just the outside. It made a huge difference !!!
NEVER use Anal Ease or any other numbing lubricant. The fact that it is numbing can lead to injury that you won't know about until later. C/S, Rev J
Thank you all for the advice! It is really appreciated. At first I feel fully relaxed, but as it starts to hurt I tense up, which makes it worse. We've only ever tried it in doggy style, or standing with him behind me.
The backdoor is off limits with my wife. Believe me I’ve tried but she no wanna do . But on the subject of lubricants try coconut oil. Its natural and won’t get sticky like other lubricants when it starts to dry off.
I have found sometimes i just cant enjoy anal sex at all no matter what the position but then other times its fine. I have always found anal best while spooning and will often add more lube during sex. Perhaps give that a try next time
IMO, the problem with anal is that it takes many tries for women to get used to it enough to finally begin to enjoy it (if they're ever going to)...but so many guys (and girls) don't know what they're doing and the result is pain and discomfort so they give up. Some women, no matter how many times they try or who they do it with will never find pleasure with anal. Others will tolerate it for their partners but not really enjoy it....while others will actually find joy and pleasure with anal. I have no idea what the percentages are, of course, but I'm definitely in the latter group probably only because I had good partners early on...and I kind of knew what I was doing myself. I knew I wanted to like anal so I read about about...I even bought a book about it. I'm fortunate that I wasn't turned off by it after one, or two, or three attempts. For me, the intimacy and intensity of anal sex is just so much more powerful for both of us than vaginal sex....it's not even close. Yes, there are downsides....such as spontaneity...but that is a small price to pay.
I'm going to strongly disagree with the premise that anal is not for everyone. Not everyone may be interested in it, but if you want to enjoy it, you can. It can just take different amounts of practice for different people to reach that point. But since you want to do it, and it feels really good to you at first, you should stick with it and keep working at it. Make sure you're properly warmed up and that your "extended foreplay" involves a gradual increase in size of penetration to stretch (in the sense of stretching before exercise) and relax your muscles. Fingers can be good for this, starting with one, then two, then three, then spreading the three apart. A butt plug worn before can help as well, and a dildo a little smaller than or similar in size to your boyfriend can be good for warmup as well as something to use when masturbating regularly to help with your anal "training". Everything about anal is gradual when you're first starting out. Gradual increase in size, gradual increase in depth, gradual increase in time. If you can enjoy it for 2 to 5 minutes, keep doing it for 2 to 5 minutes (whether with a dildo or your boyfriend) and keep trying to extend that time over time. When it starts to hurt, stop, or take a break for a few minutes and try again. If it still hurts at that point, try again another day instead. Keep up a regular routine, and it will keep getting easier and better! Definitely experiment with different positions as well. Some positions are just less comfortable when starting out. Good luck! I hope you'll be enjoying regular anal sex before long!
I’ve tried anal a couple times, but have come to the conclusion it’s just not for me. I have heard that some girls love it, some tolerate it but I’ve decided to just not bother anymore as I didn’t enjoy it.
