Can You Really Hate Your Father

Only igonorance can turn love into hate. Someone once told me that when I was rambling on, about how I can't stand my father. Here's the thing when most of you read this you don't know how he is. My father well let's put it like this.....I'm like a piece of property to him or maybe even a dog, but if i was a dog he would have gotten rid of me long ago. I just really can't stand him, he's so mean and if there's something nice to say there's a negative thing about it right after it. Don't matter if you try to tell him that it's Okay don't worry about it , like some would say, He'd freak and tell you how wrong you were until he wasn't even talking about the thing "in question" you were wrong about, he was just putting you down. Sometimes I think he feels bad so he makes people feel like shit to make his own self feel better. Personally I think that is really fucking sick. Excuse my language because I am a lady, BUt seriously.
Now tell me this if your father told you mother that she didn't deserve to live with him and yourself, because she was selfish and blah, blah ,blah. My mom was so hurt and depressed for 3 days. It took her 3 days to get over something like that. I remember him yell at me until I couldn't remember what I got in trouble for. I remember him calling me and my mom ****'s and bitch's. I also get-"Your just like your Mother". But I only get that because I really don't think my parents love eachother anymore, they are just not themselves without eachother. They haven't slept in the same bed or anything for a long long time. My dad won't even kiss my mom because she smokes, and she has to hide from him to smoke and is afraid to smoke around him.
I honestly hate him. He's a nice guy ya know when he wants but other then that I can't stand him. I couldn't stand him when I lived in his house, and I moved out because of him......I just need someone to talk to or give me some advice.......please please i'm almost ready to give up this relationship with my father

 

In my opinion, there are only three instances where it is acceptable for a child to cut off all communication with their parents: when the parent is an addict, when the parent abandonded the family and never showed an active interest in the child, or when the parent is abusive (and this includes all forms of abuse).


In your case, it most definately seems that your father is verbally abusive towards you and your mother. It is a pity that--for whatever reason--your mother does not feel that she can leave him, but please try not to take that personally; your mother is an adult and aside from being supportive of her, there's not much you can do.

As for you yourself, you might want to try cutting off communication with your father for a certain amount of time (you don't have to do it indefinately at first). Say, three to six months. Just to give yourself time to emotionally reconnect with yourself so you can be stronger in dealing with him. If, after your set incommunication period, you discover that nothing has changed and you cannot stand him, you might want to consider cutting him off indefinately.I hope for your sake there is a way for you to communicate with your mother and not your father, since it doesn't seem like she's giving you any trouble.

You also might want to consider counseling, if you haven't already done so. If it works for you, you might want to try persuading your mother to follow suit. My heart goes out to you; I wish every parent would suck it up and do the job they're supposed to do.

Kate

 

I am sorry about what you are going through and yes I know a lot of people who hate their fathers, myself included not too many who hate their mothers though-makes you think doesn't it and men wonder why women are always untrusting of them?

 

yeah u can definitely hate your father. mine was an asshole i cant wait to see him in hell

 

Jonsey:

I know -exactly- how you feel. Believe me, growing up with a father who PMS'd more than my mom is rough. But you're not alone; I never got any "congratulations" or "good job"s or anything like that from my dad either; even when I came home with a report card with straight B's, he'd say, "It could be better, you need to work harder." I wouldn't even get something like "Hey, way to do a good job ... if you work a little harder, I know you can get A's, but I'm glad you're doing a good job!" He constantly fights with my mom over various things, and we've been in physical fights before; he's gone so far as to attack me for suspecting that I stole $20 out of our "lunch money jar" (which I didn't take to begin with). I remember well ... the drywall in my room still has a hole next to my bed, where my head was rammed through ...

I understand your resentment of your dad completely, probably because I share it. It's easy, it's fair, and it's natural to hate a person like that. But keep one thing in mind: Even though it's due justice, having an iron will and putting up with a father like that, and still being able to not hold a grudge, that takes some serious willpower. Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of willpower, or if I did, then it's diminished over time, no doubt beacuse of all the nasty things he's said and done. And I wouldn't think less of you for being fair and thinking of your dad like that. But just keep in mind to make every effort in your life to strive towards one of Mohandas Ghandi's best quotes: "Hate the sin and not the sinner."

As much as I try to practice that, I'm not strong enough to practice that with my dad; at least not yet, and I don't know that I ever will. But since hate is bad and just continues more hate, we should try to eliminate as much of it in our lives as possible. And if you're going to hate someone, hate Murphy. His Law, "Anything that can go wrong, will, and at the worst possible time," is one of those laws that I'd say has less of a chance of being wrong than Newton's Law of Gravity. =\

But hang in there, you're not alone. =)

Edit: And another thing that helps is trying to become everything that your father isn't. Mine can't multiply 6 times 6 in his head; his last answer to that question was 42. Needless to say, I try to keep my math skills as high as possible because of that. Just succeed in every area that your father fails, and you can at least have the solemn pride of being superior in every way. =)

 

oh and revenge always feels good too, last summer I donated the jewlery he got me to the humane society store and had them send him a thank you card for the generous donation, yep.

 

yes, definately. I hate my mom I absolutely cannot stand her. Not just like a she pisses me off all the time thing its jsut we dont get along at all ever I hate her.

 

Yes.
But a friend told me that you can only truly hate someone if you loved them first.

 

I don't agree with your friend at all
I truly hate a kid I grew up with (I mean like barely being able to let him live kinda hate) and I never liked him. I started out disliking him and it grew into extreme hate.

 

that's so tru I can't think of anyone I hate who I never loved. I never thought of it that way...strange.

 

hate is not the opposite of love.


indifference is.

 

yes you can, and if my dad did the poor job your dad did, I'd hate him too.

 

Why would we not be able to hate our father, or any other family member? Unlike your friends, you don't get to chose your family, and it seems you've had pretty bad luck ending up with him... yes you can try to make it work but it doesn't sound like he's interested in giving it a try on his part... so I'd sure break off contact with him if you can, good for you!

Btw, I don't believe we have to love first before we can hate... I don't have anyone I hate that I used to love... there aren't many people I truly hate anyways, but those few I never liked.