Can someone explain goths(?) to me.

I've 2 teenage girls. They're smashing kids, get good grades and I love them bits (they're both 17 now but I still look at them and ache with pride about how they turned out after what they've been through -their Mum died almost 3yrs ago) but I can't fathom one of my daughter's dressing habits.

One daughter is Miss Team Sports at her high school. She's on the soccer and softball team, but is a complete 'girlie' too. Intelectually I can see why she's that why, even if I've never really understood the appeal of being 'girlie' myself.

My other daughter's always been the baggy panted skateboard sort of a kid but recently she's drifted off into being somewhat more 'gothic' (the whole black hair and make up gig). Don't get me wrong, she's NOT sacrificing rabbits and worshiping the devil, but can someone explain to me why she makes an effort to look as odd as possible?

 

There's nothing wrong with it. My dad always criticizes me for dressing like a hippie. Maybe she's just different.

 

just another phase man, it will be fine, keep your boundries and communication lines with them open. If her grades and stuff are fine then be glad you have 2 healthy kids.

 

Maybe she wants to stand out i dunno. Nothing to be worried about, just clothes and as yanknburn said its probley just a phase

 

Hasn't it ever occurred to anyone that maybe not everyone wants to be just like everyone else?

 

I stand suitably corrected. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think it's wrong or anything though, it just seems like a lot of effort.

 

Ah. If it is a phase, then just let it pass. If you make a point of opposing it, she'll try even harder. When my parents criticize my way of dressing, I make sure to be extra-wierd.

 

explain to me what gives you the right to decide what's odd...

 

he prob says odd cuz its not the normal for what she was like, or what his family is like, im odd because everyone in my family cares about shit and is straight(as in drud free, not gay), while i dont care whats going on and like to smoke.

 

Hey alone, don't stress about it. Being the parent of four teenagers now I have been through quite a bit with the clothing. Over the last few years our now 17 y/o son has been doing the baggy, baggy pant skate/gangster whatever thing. I felt he looked ridiculous and really wanted to say he couldn't dress like a fool. Well my wife and daughter snapped me out of it with two very inciteful views.

My wife's response was to ask me how I felt when my parents forced me to cut my hair and made all attempts to have me appear to be what their view of a fine upstanding christian boy should look like. I just split home when I was 17.

My daughter pointed out that her friend who was doing the goth thing may have left home looking "normal", but would put of her makeup and change once she got to school. In the end she despised her father for his intolerance.

I've learned to not sweat the load in general. I draw the line at slut. I may not like my son's choice of pants, his sidways cocked hat and over sized shirts, but hey, no one liked my dreadlocks. Now I don't have to pay for what I think is ridiculous, but if they spend their own money.....

 

You said your other daughter is a "girlie" girl, im sure it would take her alot of effort for her style aswell.

 

It's just a look. Some people find it aesthetically appealing. Some folks find it allows them to better connect with other like-minded folks (not unlike hippies finding hippies, a little asier to idenify when they dress, well, stereotypically hippie-like)

It's just a thing. There are far worse ways to be. And like Xac said, it probably takes your other daughter just as much time/effort to get ready, just the end result is different.

 

Extended Puberty (which is what Western Kids, who don't have to work at age 5 and get married and raise kids at 15 get to have) is about trying on personas to see what they like.

Nothing wrong with some experimentation. If she likes black, and black and more black, she's just wearing what she wants for now. It may last a few more months, a few years, or maybe she'll get married in a black leather gown. No big thing. Kids, teens, in particular, feel freer if they CAN express themeselves. I don't think the "choosing" to be Goth represents anything more than just that's what she likes.

As long as she is maintaining healthy freindships, (some kids have 100 freinds, some have only one or two, but they are healthy ones) enjoying her school (as much as a teenager can) participating at home, eating normally, sleeping enough, but not too much, and seems reasonalbly happy (and that is hard to tell in a teenage girl, who are probably the most miserable people on the planet!) just go with the flow.

If she seems to not be OK, or seems depressed ect, you should respond NO MATTER what she is wearing, but clothing alone doesn't always mean a kid is in trouble.

 

It's pretty typical. There are almost as many goths as there are preps.

 

Once she gets a taste of a good North Texas hot and Humid Summer, she'll probably rethink her all black wardrobe. Liek everyone said, it's a phase. I went through it, sorta. I was "thrift store goth" I only wore what I could get 2nd hand. I still like the goth scene, very friendly people and sexy women IMO.

 

why the fuck do goths have to be in a "phase"? what about gangstas? or the hippies? or preps? they will prob be that way till they die wont they? so how is it a phase?

 

all kids wish to be beautiful or handsom.
Goth is actually a fashion that worship beauty.
They also experiment with other things that make parents less happy.
My daughter is dying to be a goth, and her father is not too upset about it.
Her mom is though.

 

I can understand all that but it all just seems to be a lot of effort and the main result seems to be that people she's freaky looking.

 

Well... I would like to add to this discussion.

I do know in my school I am often labeled as a goth but why is that? I wear what I like. I don't restrict myself to black but black just happens to be what my wardrobe consists of for the most part. And yet people still feel the need to treat the way I dress as though it is a punishable offense. I don't try to dress out of the ordinary, I just dress in what I think looks good. Thats it. I have brown clothes, red clothes, black clothes, blue clothes and every other color you can think of but people don't seem to care. When you wear black, you are automatically a goth. That sounds like bullshit to me.

Just let them dress the way they want, It isn't for you to question. (Unless of course you are paying for it in which case if the clothes are more expensive you should have the right to decline)

One last thing I would like to add is please don't say it is just a phase. If wearing what you like is a phase then that must mean there are other alternatives... The only other alternative I can think of is wearing something strictly for others and I would imagine in a forum inhabited mainly by the hippie crowd this would create quite a stir.

 

Most teenage goths don't grow up to be adult goths. Same with the suburban white kid gangstas. Seen many white suburban adults walking around in baggy ass pimp pants and big ass bling blings? For most of America the goth and gangsta thing is a phase. More often than not even the teenagers with the hippy look end up toned down, hair cut and in the work force eventually. True though, preppy teenagers do quite often end up as preppy adults.

I mean really, high school kids most definately go through phases.