Brother Just Won't Listen

Ok, in short here...

He treats women like objects because his real mum abandoned him. He does coke and MDMA most weekends. He has no self respect and I keep telling him he needs to get some before it's too late.

He's told me I don't get it because I'm not paying out for bills and rent (I have done in the past), he has a GF at the moment but isn't respecting her.

I'm despairing of the whole situation, how can I make him learn the value of respecting himself which I hope he would pass on to his two children.

I'm devastated that it's come to this, we used to be really close but his infantile ways have pushed me away from him and I'm upset to say I actually hate him right now.

I would never dream of acting this way.

If someone has any advice I would be grateful.

Thanks.
Shadow_M
x

 

You cannot make him learn anything. He has to learn on his own. Sometimes it takes people reaching rock bottom to change their lives.

 

damn and he's got kids??? gotta question how old is he?

 

Unfortunately, and I hate to say it, he's 29 this year! He's 4 years older than me, but put the two of us together and you would wonder!

I hate what he's become I really do, and he is just blanking everything we're saying to him. He also has a court case in just over 3 weeks. I think i'm going to have to completely disown him.

 

He's been there and done that, now he's heading back to it again... how many times will this happen? It's making me mentally ill

 

dude dont disown him wtf, and what is his court case about??

 

Is he hurting you personally? If not, what would disowning him accomplish?

 

There's one in every family. There is nothing you can do, and frankly it's none of your business. You are not his mother, and he is an adult.

You'll have to accept that you can't change him, he has to make that decision himself. And he'll just start avoiding you if all you do is preach.

His relationship with his girlfriend is also none of your business. If she doesn't like it, she'll dump him.

 

Regarding his court case, he was jumping to help someone who he hardly knew and got in way out of his depth and is now up on a few charges.

I have basically been the go between for him and a woman who have been slagging each other off through me and I'm just exhausted.

If he could change his behaviour and finally settle down with his current girlfriend and not get his dick into every hole that comes along without wanting to face the consequences then we wouldn't be in this mess. I have just sorted it out for him and he can't even say thank you, he's just going to carry on with no regard for anyone. It really upsets me and yes disowning him is harsh but he left me years ago and went to live with my dad and I didn't see him for 15 years.

 

I was minding my own business until this woman got in contact with me to say his twin girls had been born on the 12th of may... roll on 4 days of "he said, she said" and then I find out that she's just pinched the pictures from google. I've had a go at the both of them it makes me sick that she's done that.

 

You really just need to stay out of it, and let him sink or swim. You're being used.

 

When did he start using drugs and drinking heavily? If he started at age sixteen or whatever, that's where he is today, emotionally. He could get two years' maturity for every year he stays sober, if he started today, but don't count on it. Selfish, immature, "adolescent" behavior is VERY COMMON with people who abuse drugs and alcohol. I know people who have smoked pot every day since they were sixteen. Now they're well over fifty years old, and their behavior is almost exactly like self-centered, spoiled rotten teenagers, even down to things like "burning rubber" in their cars, job hopping, "forgetting" to correctly discharge responsibilities and doing that stupid "Hey, baby, what's your phone number?" crap with teenaged girls they see on the street. It's disgusting, and way beyond just immature. If your brother continues to use drugs, he's probably looking at years of trying to grow up when he finally sobers up.

My advice, stop running interference for him with the consequences of his actions. If he fxxks up, he pays for it. Tell his ex-girlfriend (or whatever she is) to "Call him, don't call me again." It's not your responsibility. She made the choice to sleep with him, so it's her fault too if she had his kids. If she maintains that he's the father, she should sue him for paternity, but from the sounds of things she'll never get a penny. And, of course, if the DNA testing proves he's the daddy, he could try to get custody or otherwise interfere with her parenting the children. Frankly, she sounds like a lost cause too. (Poor kids! TWO idiots for parents.) But, if her claims are BS, then I guess it really doesn't matter. If he goes to jail, that may wake his axx up. At least he won't be using drugs, or at least not as many drugs. From what I hear there is plenty of drugs and sex both in prison. Just not the kind most people would choose.