"Bros before Hoes"....does that include woman beaters?

Almost a month ago, this happened.
There's a guy who rented/lived in the same house as I. We started sleeping together. He was very jealous and overprotective, also very aggressive, telling me he loved me, etc. I made it clear that I didn't want to be in a serious relationship with him (yadayadayada. i know sleeping together IS a relationship, so i don't want to hear it ok?)
One night, I had my birthday party at the house. He was drunk and started an arguement with me. He ended up pushing me.
Shortly after, I heard screaming and found my best friend and roomate on her knees. This man was standing over her, beating her repeatedly on the back of her head.
No one else saw it but me. Three guys...whom i've know almost a year..one i dated...the other two i lived with...my three best guy friends......They were all passed out sleeping in the room when it happened. One guy awoke and shoved the crazed maniac off my best friend, while i was locked in my room calling the police.
He was arrested and charged with assault, domestic violence, and harrassment.
He moved out of course.

But you know what's changed? The guys don't come over anymore...And they seem to have sympathy for him!!!! When I ask what their opinons on it are...they say "man, why did you call the cops? why didn't you just wake me up? now he's gonna go to jail for two years..." boohoo. The bastard deserves it.
They say "Why didn't you wake me up? He doesn't deserve to go to jail. You shouldn't have called the cops."
And one of the guys is letting him stay at his house!!!!!

I really don't get it. I though these guys were my friends and were there to back me up....not stand behind some asshole who assaulted my friend and I.
And now they don't talk to me anymore...sweet friends.

You know, I can kind of understand...if I were in their shoes...it's their friend....but what he did was completely low...hitting a woman? How can a man support and sympathize with a woman-beater? It almost makes them just as bad.

 

They all sound like losers to me.... I wouldn't talk to anyone of them anymore.... what if another serious thing happens and they decide to sit back on that too?


I hope your friend is ok

 

You posted about this before.

RE: (yadayadayada. i know sleeping together IS a relationship, so i don't want to hear it ok?)

I know you don't wanna hear it, but let me state it again in case you missed it - it IS a relationship and a serious one at that - you can't do that without some risks.

As for supporting him - enh, depends on who tells the story. He might be telling his friends you were using him, cheating on him and then called the cops on him cause he pushed you out of the way when he tried to leave.

 

Its hard when you make a call (no pun intended) that results in the loss of people you considered friends. But from how you describe the events you made the right decision.. no amount of percieved provocation should result in another person being attacked.. and as most women could not defend themselves effectively while being attacked by a man..... i think your decision to call the police was the right one.
As for your friends... would they be so supportive of this man if the next time he gets jealous and attacks someone the end result for the victim was more serious? at least with you making this decision your concience will be clear..

 

The guy's a creep. No one I would associate with condones physical violence against other people. That's REAL physical violence, not donning armor and meeting on the field of honor.

Anyone who would do what he did would be written off. And "bros before hos" is stupid. It's degrading to women. Not good.

 

Is that what you would've done?
Because it would be a blatant lie, and no doubtably more cowardly than hitting a woman in the first place.

 

RE: Is that what you would've done?

Er, no.

RE: Because it would be a blatant lie, and no doubtably more cowardly than hitting a woman in the first place.

Which would be par for the course for the kind of cowardly scumbag who hit her.

 

Any guy who hits a girl is worth little more than a punching bag or a body bag, depending on when you stop hitting them

 

I just have a question cause I am greatly confused..
I thought you had a boyfriend who was living with you, thats what you said in the other thread that was made before this one..
I am just slow and got sorta confused ya know....

 

sounds to me like these douchebags aren't even worth your time or concern. Guys do that, i've been in similar situations. It's not so much a bros before hoes kind of thing, i think it's more or less that thse guys were never really your true friends, even if they acted like it. Think of it this way, if you would have seen your best friend (i'm going to go with your roomate/best friend from the story) doing something a little crazy and totally out of character, would you go against her instantly, or would you try to help her, or get her help? You had a defensive reaction for your friend, by calling the cops, which was a good thing to do btw, now these guys are just having a defensive reaction towards what's happening to this dude...You see, to them, this is probably just a crazy out of character moment for this guy....so they want to get him help...do you see where i'm going with this?

 

Absolutely. I can sorta see how they are thinking....but it still hurts, the fact that they'd back him up before they backed me up.


And no, he was never my boyfriend, mysticalshroom. We rented in the same house and were intimate with eachother. He wanted to be together, I didn't. He went nuts.

OH, and guess what now!!!!!! Guess! My roomate/landlord/friend likes me now! We were both drinking and hangin' out...and he confessed that he liked me! And tried to bribe me to date him! Saying that my rent would only be 1/3 of what I pay now!!!! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!
Men are retarted.

 

nevermind I was way off...I thought bf ment boyfriend but you meant best friend...durrrr im a dumbass...

 

Not best friend.

She met some guy, thought he was hot, played with him a bit, he wanted more, she brushed him off, he got violent.

 

irongoth, I think she's heard what you're saying, you can stop saying the same thing over and over again with different wording


Anyway, at least you know that these guys aren't worth being your firends, aren't worth any of your time. If they're gonna drop you that easily, then they just aren't worth being around.

 

RE: irongoth, I think she's heard what you're saying, you can stop saying the same thing over and over again with different wording

I was clarifying for the person who asked.

Not criticising the OP.

 

actually I was talking about a whole different thread that she was talking about her female best friend and she said bf and so hence I assumed she meant boyfriend when she really meant best friend...in the other thread...

 

duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. GOSH!

 

My father taught my brother and me that a real man controls his temper and NEVER hits women. Hmmm... Sounds like these guys aren't real friends at all.