Behind a smiling face there sometimes lies A broken child, hiding her eyes The world poiltely forgets to ask So she lives behind a smiling mask The broken child has a fitful sleep Her thoughts from slumber do they keep If only they could know the truth Then maybe she could keep her youth He turns to her with evil eyes Broken child looks, Broken child cries He takes his pleasure, gives her pain Broken child is never the same again she wakes and looks at where she lies Broken child rubs her eyes Stands blinking in the morning light The end of an unthinkable night
Sad, true, powerful.............. Far to much of this kind of thing going on in the world. Nice work.
This is a very great poem.... have you tried to change it to first person? It may make it even more powerful... here is an example below of a couple of your stanzas... Behind my smiling face there lies A broken child, hiding eyes The world politely forgets to ask I live behind a smiling mask... and the third stanza... He turns to me with evil eyes Broken child looks, Broken child cries He takes his pleasure, gives me pain Broken child is never the same Keep up the good work! Nice! Vetty
I don't know, I quite like the third person way because it shows how noone can get through to the child.
it's so sad I think in the third person is perfect because it feels like a state of denial and depersonalization. I almost cry too.
