breaks.......

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by mariecstasy, Jan 10, 2005.

  1. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    do you think that they actually work in a relationship? when two people get to the point where there is constant pain and suffering and they decide that what needs to happen is that they each need to get back to themselves and just have a break in the relationship for a bit of time....do you think that works? or do you think the two people move too far away from one another? do you think that if its gotten to a point of needing a break it is really done?
     
  2. _see_

    _see_ Member

    naa....breaks dnt mean a relationship is done...it just gives ya space....like if 2 ppl decide 2 go on a break then realise they cant b away 4rm each other its a gd idea 2 get back 2gether...if they both feel they can get along fine without each other then that means its the end.....(or just that they r independant or freaks wh dnt have feelins!!)
     
  3. _see_

    _see_ Member

    naa....breaks dnt mean a relationship is done...it just gives ya space....like if 2 ppl decide 2 go on a break then realise they cant b away 4rm each other its a gd idea 2 get back 2gether...if they both feel they can get along fine without each other then that means its the end.....(or just that they r independant or freaks who dnt have feelins!!)
     
  4. lawngirl

    lawngirl Member

    i'm not sure if it will work or not, but if you do decide to go on a break, set up some sort of guidlines. it'll probably make it at least somewhat easier... make sure you both know exactly how long the break will be (ie: until further notice? will you meet for lunch in two weeks to discuss things?). will you be allowed to see other people during the break, and if so, what are the limits (ie: dating is okay, but no sex with others; no dating or kissing others; sex with others is okay; etc)? will you talk to one another on the phone, or will you cut off all contact for the length of the break? at least that way you're starting out on the same page...

    either way, good luck and i hope that whatever you choose to do leaves you happy.
     
  5. raven23

    raven23 Member

    I'll see. kristy and I are taking a break. I'm in Montana now, Kristy is in Oregon. She's staying in Oregon and I'm on the move again. So we aren't even sure what'll happen at this point. But we can't live together right now. We'd already agreed to start seeing other people even before we separated. Monogamy isn't for us, we just seem to fall in love with people to easily. So we'll see what happens.
     
  6. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    well, to put a real positive spin on things, breaks work sometimes. A perfect example: My sister karen and her BF keith took at least one, if not more than one, break, and did lots with other people while on the break, i am sure... and were 100s and 100s of MILES APART at times. But they ended up getting married and have two great kids now and are very much in love. So breaks are not the end of the world. Sometimes it just means one or both people need to experience the world and mature.
     
  7. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    Well, I am happy to say that things are really taking a turn for the better with me and my boyfriend. Why? We took a step back and decided to take a break. Things aren't so damn serious anymore, so neither of us cares too much. We deceided to spend more time with other people, but not to the point of sleeping with anyone else. THings have never been better! Every time we see each other, we have such a good time and really appreciate the things that we do for each other. We don't take anything for granted anymore. Carlfloydfan is totally right- breaks can be good because they give people time to live thier own life, get a sense of self and mature.
     
  8. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    0h this wasnt in reference to me in the least....it was a discussion that i was having with some friends earlier and we all disputed whether it was the end or not....this was an opinion question not a personal question....
     
  9. i tend to agree that going on a break can be a REALLY good thing...just giving each other some space to heal from whatever hurts there have been in a relationship, without totally giving up on each other. as long as clear guidelines are set, then it can be the best thing to happen to a couple...then again, going on a break can be bad if there AREN'T clear guidelines set. a couple must take the time to talk about their boundaries and expectations and be on the same page if they are to succeed in a relationship.
     
  10. Heat

    Heat Smile, it's contagious! :) Lifetime Supporter

    A "break" is the first step in leaving. If you want something to work, you work at it, you fight for it and you try to solve it.

    A break is an easy out and the first stepping stone to making it appear that you might just work it out but frankly do not want to put in the effort to see if you can......an easy out of a situation to make it appear that you are not giving up. :)
     
  11. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    no I have to disagree. I needed to grow up and learn what it was like to have to be alone and be independent. He did too. We needed time away from each other. And now we're back together and working incredibly hard to make things work. But the small break was needed. It was necessary to find out who I am and what I want and how I want to act with out his infulences. It has made things so much nicer. We used to fight every few days and it's been almost 2 weeks since there's been any mean words exchanged. A lot of improvement in other areas too. For many people, breaks are an excuse, but they can be good when you really mean it.
     
  12. cutelildeadbear

    cutelildeadbear Hip Forums Gym Rat

    Jer and I had a break in our relationship back a few years ago. I guess we had been together not quite a year. A lot had happened with both of us. I was in a new job and trying to go back to school, and he had just gotten expelled from the university for hacking their system. And he honestly was not over his ex-girlfriend. We were both kind of unsure about being together because many things at the time just didn't mesh. He decided to move back to his parents at the beach which was 100 miles away. That wasn't a big deal at first, but after a while it became the excuse for our break. He blamed the distance and his lack of money as the reason. But I know that he was just depressed about his life and confused about his feelings. So I respected his wishes, even though I still wanted to be with him. He still wanted to be friends with me but that was too difficult, so I cut all ties with him. I was hurt. But I started to move on and almost forgot about him. But I couldn't forget. I just had a nagging feeling that he and I were not through.

    After not speaking for about 2 months, I found a book that belonged to his mother in my car. I was already planning to go to the beach in a few days, so I thought I'd drop by the house and drop it off to her. The erie thing is that she was thinking about that book too, and wanted it back. But anyway, I called down there to let them know I was coming and he was so happy to hear from me, that he kept me on the phone for 3 hours! He was afraid that a mutal friend was taking advantage of me, or that I was seeing someone else. Stuff like that. And we caught up on other things, and friends.

    So, I go down there and I'm still somewhat pissed at him for the whole thing. And I was not going to just be his fling, or his good time girl kinda thing. I wanted all or nothing. So, I was friendly to him and gave him a hug and stuff, but I didn't let him have time alone with me or anything. I guess that could be considered a bit of a mind game, but honestly I didn't trust him or myself, and I didn't want to do anything that I would regret later.

    Well, about 3 weeks after that, he made plans to come back up to my house and spend the weekend with me. We hung out with some old friends who didn't even know that we had taken a break, and it was just like old times. And that night we walked in the park and talked about things, blah blah blah. He said that he missed me and I said I missed him, but I don't want to go back to the way things were, blah blah blah. So we worked things out and we've been together for 4 years now.

    I honestly believe if we had not taken that break and he didn't get the chance to be with his family and friends, and hang with another girl (thankfully, nothing came of that), that our relationship wouldn't be as strong as it is today. He had to decide for himself that he wanted to be with me, and apparently he couldn't do that without being away from me for a while.

    I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder after all.

    Good Luck!
     
  13. cutelildeadbear

    cutelildeadbear Hip Forums Gym Rat

    I see it as just the opposite. I mean I suppose if you are talking about someone who has been married for 30 years or something, then what you say can be true. But in my situation, my boyfriend was seriously depressed and it was truely best for both of us if we were not together while he took care of his problems. There was nothing that I could do. When I tried to be supportive, he got angry, when I wasn't around he got angry. It was all within him. So rather than make both of us live through hell together, he loved me enough to tell me to go and be the best person that I can be and live and love and be happy. I mean it didn't take him long to realize that he couldn't live without me. hehee.

    Plus, I think one needs to define break in this situation. Because Jer and I also lived together this past summer, and it was not a pleasant situation. Mainly because of the commute I was making. It put a huge strain on our relationship. Plus the really bad vibes from his icky house. So rather than fight all of the time and be moody and exhausted from driving 2 hours every day, I just moved closer to school and work. Now we don't see each other every day, so that is sort of a break, but since I have moved, our relationship has been better than it ever has. I don't know why, but it just worked out this way.

    Honestly, if you have good intentions, then good with come of it, whether you end up breaking up for good or not. If it really is just a break that you want, you will eventually go back and try to work things. out. I'm sorry if you have had a bad experience.


     

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