Tick - Tick - TIck The hands turn clockwise in a perpetual motion. A motion that never changes - that never stops similar to the world in a thousand ways many of which will never be explained. Like the rumble of a bass rift, I shake I quiver in the wake of you - that girl that girl that wants to talk but thinks no one listens the girl I want to love but wont help the situation like a man without a dream a heart without a beat - its not the same trust me 'cause you will understand one day but maybe it will be to late for that, to late for me and you and you will get older as will I but our lifes will grow apart like the old oak branches the branches in the yard. But have hope although the branches streach out and seamingly touch the crimson sky there still connected at the base - and they never forget that and neither will I
~* not bad at all, I like the sentiment behind it. You may in the future want to use spell check though, There's three in the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th lines to the bottom. It just breaks my attention from the poem to the misspelled words. *~
I really like the way this opens up. Good use of repetition thoughout, and a nice flow even though some of the lines could be broken up a little more, imo. I agree with gdhmomchild, the sentiment here is wonderful, and the execution was nice. A great offering, thanks for sharing!
