Quick! Step in line Keep the rythm, keep the time Follow orders on command Keep the children close at hand Fill their minds with new found theories Educate them on the countries worries As the youth come of age A new found feeling we call rage Swells the heart and breaks the spirit I am done I dont want to hear it What ever happend to loving mankind How about no one gets left behind? Better or not? you tell me
I like the rhymes in this poem. Rhymes can, and often are, very cheesy and repetitive, especially when written by people of your (our?) age group. In this poem, however, you keep a very nice balance of rhymes and near rhymes and ... well, it just flows nicely, nothing more to say. As for the topic itself: one part of me wants to say "it's too obvious" but another answers "why is that wrong?" This poem could be compared with Dylan's Blowing in the Wind, is direct and addresses the issues of our time. The only thing I don't really like is the last line. Maybe just cut the last two entirely? "I am done, I don't want to hear it" seems like a very logical end for a poem to me. Keep up the good work.
