what does this mean? Seriously, since oct 2000 i was seeing a guy who i fell in love with - slowly but surely, i did. We were 16 at the time and everything two people could go through: we went through friendship wise as well as sexual - it was intense. I had gotten pregnant and had an abortion, had done things sexually I would only share with him. Anyways, this carried on till May 2002 where we went to grad that year. And everything was perfect. we were talking about moving in together and stuff. I went away a few days later for 10 days and when i came back, he did a complete 120: he was smoking drugs everyday all day, he shaved his head, he started wearing black, changed his musical tastes, and basically gave up on what we had left of school. Now he wanted to talk and told me after he kinda got us drunk another abnorm thing for him not me that he really just wanted to be friends and it wasn't working anymore. Now i was floored but i hold my dignity and since that day i have never asked him back out or bugged him about us dating. so anyways i left and yes, I grieved. Needless to say, a week later my best guy friend mentioned he needed to talk to me because he seen how much pain I was in, and realised my ex hadn't told me the whole story about when i was gone. Well you see the girl he had a crush on a year before he even knew me, he tried so hard to get her and she never went for him. Anyways fast forward 4 months into our relationship: she emailed him cause she found out we were dating and told him she liked him. Well I told him then it was either her or me. And then I told him I cared about him - i cared about him alot more then he thought and I wanted to be with him. Needless to say he choose me (by the way I was his first everything). Ok now back to my friend: he told me while I was gone my ex had started talking to that girl and they got together when I was gone, but had only fooled around - did not sleep together. Well I was crushed. And honestly everytime I mentioned anything about talking to my ex, my ex would get all "what's up whats wrong what do we need to talk about" so I had my doubts. I confronted him and he was truthful - and then i found out like the day before he finally screwed her. Ahhh being truthful sucks sometimes! So I was mad, but whatever. Anyways the whole summer we ended up spending together and yes, sleeping together. i got pregnant again and had another abortion. And we were like this on and off straight from May 2002 till about Aug 2003. Now as luck would have it, I got pregnant again; and my doctor told me because of my previous abortions I would never be able to get pregnant again. so I was torn about having this baby so I decided for myself i was going to no matter what. Anyways, since Dec 2002 i had been sorta seeing a guy who was basically an ass and my ex on and off had started see a girl as well. we kept our friendship strong through all this and really kept each other around because we learned to deal with a friendship after a relationship. anyways now with me being pregnant, this girl tripped out. She already couldn't handle my ex and i being friends, but whatever - nothing was coming between us. well needless to say this is when she started to have a huge control over him and he slowly couldn't deal with this anymore. anyways needless to say, this sounds bad: i got my teeth done and they gave me anesthetic, (and yup, needless to say pregnant women should info there dentists) and i miscarried - well i lost it again. this was hard as hell, and life did eventually go on. my ex and i declined in our relationship big time, and he wasn't there for me. anyways this jan 2004 he finally told me he wanted me to just forget about him after we exchanged christmas gifts, and shit this time i was mad. but like usual, "ok fine I'll still always be here for you and i love you but whatever". i didn't need that shit now. funny thing: i am really close to his family - i do stuff with them. and his roomates at the time were all my guy friends, so i had to see him at times. anyways we were civil but it was nuts. his little ho, man she was evil to me - would drag him out of the room everytime I was around. anyways end of apr 2004, they all moved. and his ho who he finally dumped, she moved away. he slept with her best friend the next day. a week later got rid of the friend. and all of a sudden WOW full circle I get a phone call..........He wants us to get together to talk and be friends again. so these past 2 weeks our convos full of sexual content and new stuff. has been pretty cool - he keeps bugging me for pictures of myself and yeah its been nuts. u see the moral is I have been hurt. i have only wanted his friendship through all of this. he has been disloyal, and basically i know he wants sex right now. and the ho is gone - i blame them both 50/50, but i forgive people. now this could be easy. problem is all this cock teasing i have him the palm of my hand (pardon the pun), but he doesn't know i'm tossed about actually really seeing him cause he wants to do some crazy shit. its just been really long. i still love him, but u know friends shouldn't sleep together. and i wanna work on our friendship that i have a feeling he is kinda avoiding but kinda promising the friendship cause he wants sex. now everybody, i want honesty here. what do you think? and guys, the ones that have used the ones they sorta loved, what will get his attention? seriously that he cant do this to me. hes hurt me too bad, and why cant he just be my friend and not leave me again? because we are 20, i see no need for commitment. and he knows we both dont want a relationship and we r straight up with what we want from this. so what do I do? please respond. this is why I want a guy who wont leave and just trust me and satisfy me. hahaha ok I'm done. thanks for listening. he's expecting to see me in 10 days, and you guys gotta know i miss him and want to be held and stuff - but at the same time i could care less. HELP!!!