boyfriends are worthless

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by puffie, Jan 20, 2005.

  1. puffie

    puffie Member

    So why do we stick around even when we know they're scum?

    My stupid asshole boyfriend of nearly 5 years has left me yet again to go off and party. Swore he'd be home by 11 tonight, and yet here it is 1:00 am and I've yet to hear a word from him. Not a phone call, nothing.

    He's such a worthless asshole, I wish I had the guts to leave him. I'm scared of being alone (as if I'm not alone right now) and I don't want to raise our kid without "daddy" around.

    He hasn't even had a real job in 3 years.

    Fucking worthless.

    </rant>
     
  2. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    Give 'em the boot, sweetie...there are WAYY better men out there.

    Seems he's ungreatful for the things he has in his life...

    What a shame.
     
  3. Kiz

    Kiz Member

    Boyfriends can be cool. The scum though, just ditch 'em. I don't get why women stick with men who treat them badly.

    This one though, can you get a horsewhip and whip is ass into shape?
     
  4. Mui

    Mui Senior Member

    where else are u gonna find a penis?
     
  5. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    Duh...there are like 3 billion men in the world...
     
  6. puffie

    puffie Member

    He is ungrateful, that's for sure. I don't know why I haven't left yet. It's so hard, and he makes me feel like such a bitch for "not giving hin a chance." I'm constantly being told "well, if that's all it takes for you to leave...." as if I'm the one who's not trying. If the tables were turned though, and I was the one leaving him home alone with the baby several nights a week, and then sleeping all day he probably woulda dumped me a long time ago.

    I'm such a wimp....I think it would be easier for me just to run away from him than to face him about it, then I wouldn't have to hear all the terrible things he'd have to say to me.

    I'm such a wimp. :(
     
  7. Beach Bum

    Beach Bum Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    DO NOT SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR HIM! don't! i don't
    know your entire situation but from what you have said
    i gotta good feelin of everything else youre prolly goin
    through. trust me. do not waste anymore of your life.
    just because you have a kid is not a good reason to wait
    for some man that is most likely not gonna change. not
    sayin all men but a lot of them will never change. he may
    have been all sweet in the beginning and you think well
    he'll return to that one day. it happens but thats a lower
    percentile.
     
  8. bedlam

    bedlam Senior Member

    get a girlfriend, they are heaps better..
     
  9. andcrs2

    andcrs2 Senior Member

    oh?
     
  10. Nistix

    Nistix Member

    Not in my experience!
     
  11. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    well don't get a girlfriend like Nistix's! But really just find a way out if the situation. Don't give in to him being manipulative. I'm sure you care about him in some way. He needs a slap in the face like this. Leave him and make him grow up and not depend on you. If you continue to support him and put up with his actions, nothing will ever change. He needs this just as much as you do.

    I agree, sometimes chicks are much better!
     
  12. Nistix

    Nistix Member

    She isn't the first... The last one made plans with me to go travelling in Spain. Lo and behold five days after my plane landed she called me up and said she wasn't coming out to meet me and "she wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship with me anymore." She then ran off with the tutor on her archeology dig... So I was left alone in a foreign country...

    If you are going for a woman watch out... they can have a sting to them.
    Or maybe I am a total loser????
     
  13. i have the best boyfreind in the world, hes so nice.
     
  14. FreedomRyver

    FreedomRyver Member

    I dont think anyone here should be giving relationship advice if they dont know the whole situation, if you have a kid id go to a counsellor or somthing(dont go to an internet forum looking for answers).
     
  15. Nistix

    Nistix Member

    I agree.
     
  16. Beach Bum

    Beach Bum Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    lol enjoy it while it lasts, jk jk
     
  17. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    I don't think theres anything wrong with asking for a peer's advice. different opinions can really help shine a light on some things. some advice is good, some is bad, some is crazy.

    if we all didn't give advice or our opinions without knowing the whole situation, the forums wouldn't exist!!
     
  18. FreedomRyver

    FreedomRyver Member

    Yeah but you shouldnt ask a life changing question in a internet forum where no one really knows the story, No one here probly even give two shits anyways but they'll throw out an answer anyways. I can understand "whats your favorite movie" but not "should I take off on my baby's father".
     
  19. lawngirl

    lawngirl Member

    how often do you talk about this with him? how does it usually go?

    i would talk with him before you leave him. tell him that things are not working for you, tell him what will work for you, and tell him what will happen if he screws up again.

    for example, tell him that you're not down with him leaving you alone with the baby multi-nights out of the week, and not coming home when he says he will. then get real specific... for example, let him know how many nights you think are fair for him to go out and leave you with the baby, and take the same number of nights for yourself to go out and leave him with the baby. perhaps you are having communication problems and have different ideas about how many nights is "too many." ie: "you going out four nights a week and leaving me alone with the baby doesnt work for me. if you go out one or two nights, that will work, but i expect one or two nights for myself, too. staying out till 1am without calling when you're already late doesnt work, but 11 will work for baby and me." or whatever works. if you need him home by a certain time and he just wants to go out and party, let him know that the consequence will be you leaving. sure, it sounds harsh, but if you keep letting things slide and dont follow through, he'll know that he can walk all over you without reprecussions.

    if he's sleeping all day, talk to him about that, too. if he's home and asleep, who watches the baby? is his sleeping all day caused by staying out late multi-nights a week, or is it from a more legitimate reason, like waking up more often throughout the night to check on the kid when it cries?

    let him know that it's his last chance. once you've made sure he knows what you expect of him, it's up to him to comply. if he doesn't, it's his choice. make sure that you're very clear about what you expect from him. and make sure he understands that you're not doing this to "punish" him or control him, show him how it is best for the baby. compromise is one thing, but getting walked on is not fair. if he constantly comes home late and wakes up the baby, he doesn't have the child's best interest in mind.

    so i'd talk to him and based on how the conversation goes, i'd consider relationship counseling. maybe he just needs an outside, objective opinion. you can build up your own 'secret' bank account and be prepared to leave him, if that's what you want/need to do. know exactly how much money he contributes, and make sure you're able to cover it. you wouldnt want to leave and be unable to pay bills or feed the baby. where are you living -- are you stuck in a lease, and is his name on it? do you have family or friends you could stay with while you "get on your feet" if you need to?

    like freedomryver said, i don't know your situation. i don't know his side of the story or anything like that. i can't say if it would be better for you to leave him or stay with him, but i can say that no matter what you decide to do, be prepared. don't kick him out and then put yourself in a situation that is even more difficult to handle. if/when you decide to, make sure that you either have somewhere to go, or some way to take care of you and baby without him.
     
  20. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    lawngirl you have such a calming effect in your posts!
     

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