Boyfriend Says Our Love Life....

Is getting boring or repetitive? Weve been together for 6 years living together for 3, I find his news to be odd because I dont seem to have the same idea. I think our sex is great and I love it, im not the kind of woman that stares at a wall ya know? I have lingerie, toys, etc, straps everything, im down for pretty much anything. he says it seems like I dont initiate sex, which I find baffling because I can pretty much just touch him and we are ready to go. I have learned that in general to only have sex when he wants it ill admit, because when I do initiate the time is never right for him. I dunno it just seems like odd and shocking news to me. I am literally way more sexually adventerous! When we first started dating sex was everywhere and anywhere....I still feel that way. He says its not about the connection because our intimacy in bed is great....so I dont know what then? i want to help but its like how much more work do I have to do I dont know how I could get any hornier or freakier lol? Any advice is appreciated!

 

Have you told him all of this?!?!?!?!?!

 

Yea we just had this conversation last night. It had really upset me because I feel like I cant do anything more and if I can I will its just its like how much do I have to do? he has a moverate adult film habit, ive tried to tell him how that makes me feel but ive never tried to detur him from it. if thats what hes into whaterver, it just maybe thats what sets his expectations too high lol?

 

Yea thats kind of what spawned the conversation , ive never been satisfied with porn. I mean i dont mind it but id rather read a dirty book. Normal female, brain is my boner so when this happened we were getting frisky which we do a lot as we are playful he stopped what we were doing to turn on a porno and im like okey i can chill but it kind of made it awkward and i got turned off and then told me i was no fun and that the moment was gone ,.....okeyyyyy so I dunno. Im sure its not a huge issue i just feel like Im not sure what to do!

 

It sounds like it's more his issue than yours. You do need to sit him down and tell him everything you told us here though about how you feel.

Maybe you should take him to a sex shop and let him pick out a new toy or an outfit that he would like to see you in or something. My boyfriend and I have done that a couple times when sex started to feel stale and it really helped.

 

i dunno, sounds like incompatibility from this. he can't be turned on without porn, and you can't be turned on if he's watching porn? i don't see how that's supposed to work out.

 

This is a problem of long relationships where people age and mature and find different interests or kinks they want to explore. You either keep up the same unsatisfying routine in which one half grows out of or you come to the realization that you need to grow with your partner. If you aren't going to grow, if nothing is going to change then your already unhappy partner will grow even more unhappy. -shrug-

What your partner told you took great courage and it's obviously on his mind enough to have it effect your relationship. He's told you what's up and what he wants to change to progress through a healthy relationship and sex life. Now it's on you to either let it slip by the way side, or, work together on it all.

 

I love all the feedback and thank you very much. I do agree that this is something to work on but literally anything hes ever wanted to try or do ive done and done so with great joy. I guess im just deflated because I thought we were that IT couple that had good loving and good sex even with being togethe rfor so long :/ i will take all of this advice to heart thanks

 

We did have this conversation last night. I have taken him to the sex store....ive been the man, the woman, the inbetween lol I am down for whatever he wants if he asks he gets it. Ive asked him his deepest desires and we have role played all of that! I think thats part of the problem and i mentioned to him, hes used to getting whatever he wants.....ive fed the beast too much!!! Aside from changing my identiy im out of ideas.....but hopefully it will workout

 

I was thinking this tooo........... ive watched porn with him, we rarely watch it together thats his niche and thats what hes done since he was 13......i dunno how to say it other than in this moment (last night), its like we went from steam to pause....then to me staring at the lovely ass of an 18 yr old girl. (he states he thought it would be fun which is fine!)....it just made me feel seriously awkward and i was honest and told him like yo that killed my boner but you can keep watching if it gets ya on! then that turns into im no fun which hurts my pride, to then telling me now out of no where after this very awkward moment (seriously bad timing) that our routine has gotten boring...im baffled! anyways we did talk its just im not really thrilled with the outcome, still kind of upset and wondering whats up!

 

It kind of sounds like he's just being pissy about the porn, which is really not being fair to you.

 

Depending on how both partners feel, porn (especially as addictive behavior, which sounds like the description of it with your bf) can destroy a relationship. Look on google for "porn addiction" and see if you can find a way to talk to him about the fact that it looks like the porn has become an addiction and healthy ways to wean him away from the porn and back to you. Not that porn itself is unhealthy, but like any addiction it can be destructive, especially to a relationship. And as said in other posts, maybe you two are drifting apart in your sexuality, but I would say the porn addiction could b the main cause. Just food for thought.

 

The porn thing has always been a tough conversation he says he does not have an addiction problem to it, ive asked him openly and told him how it can be a slippery slope, as well as it has molded his expectations of how sex with a female is. But like another person mentioned, him telling me took courage, it was just at the worst possible time, and I think he was being pissy about the porn that day as well. I am now just trying to like lick my wounds about it and kinda figure out what I need to do so this jus tdoesnt get swept under the rug
! But I dont also want to do what I always do which is him put this problem on me again. I asked him if he wants to spice things up to maybe think about what TURNS me on instead of what turns him on :/