Boyfriend Refuses to Perform Oral

Hi everyone I'm a first time poster and I need some help...
I've been with my live-in boyfriend for 5 1/2 years and I can count the times he's gone down on me with one hand. This is mainly because he is very closed minded (he's a Catholic Republican from the Midwest). Anyway, I would kill for some oral sex at this point. I have begged him for it but he still refuses. Is there anything I can do to help change his attitude about it? I have tried withholding oral sex from him but it doesn't seem to bother him. I also feel bad doing that. But at the same time it's like I resent him because he's not taking care of business, you know? Sex is boring with him as well because there is no foreplay and it is exactly the same every time. It lasts about 10 min and is very mechanical.
Some more info: I keep myself clean and shaven so I know it has nothing to do with that. Also if he's ever willing to go down on me, there is still the issue of technique. I take forever to get off. Only 2 men have ever been able to get me off orally and it took about 30 min. I started masturbating at an early age (11) so is it possible I have my body trained for an extremely specific technique and if there is any variation from that I cannot get off? Everyone says how important masturbation is for a healthy sex life though. Please help!

 

Convert him? I don't know, but wow. He doesn't seem very sexual in any way. Have you talked to him about it and told him how upset you are? I think you need to get it across to him that oral is important to you and it's something you really enjoy. I can't believe you withholding oral from him doesn't matter... If he doesn't LOVE oral then I think it's hopeless. I understand the mechanical bedroom style... ugh. Suggest you try a different position or something? I don't think he cares too much for your needs, so you should probably express those to him very clearly.

Have you ever seen Van Wilder? Well, yeah. If you have, think of Tara Reid's boyfriend in the film... That's kinda what I'm picturing. If you haven't, well, I don't know. But wow. You've begged him and he still says no? That just makes him an insensitive ass.

 

After 5 1/2 years I wouldn't see him changing anytime soon.

 

thats what i was thinkin drumminmomma perhaps you need to be openminded but findin someone openminded?

30 min to reach orgasm is no big deal, unless your with someone whos just not willing to put in the time & effort to get you there..
if your just not enjoying sex withhim..if hes not willing to goout of his waytoplease you..how good could he be at other aspects of the relationship?
personaly the onlything that would stop me is a tongue cramp..& thats usualy only after more like anhour..that or well a really bad smell taste but thats very rare
i think hes just 1 of those boring overly conservative types
maybe ucould try getting him excited by pretending to be an underage boy? (srry..couldnt ressist)

try communicating with him, but if that fails..theres not alot u can do
personaly i cant imagine ever having sex without going down on her for a good long time both before & after
dunno what to say sweety..5 1/2 years is a very long time to be with someone who just cant or wont please u..if u gotta do it all on your own..whats the point in keepin him around?
i know theres more to love then sex..but..withlove shouldnt there be a desire to please eachother, not just himself?

 

Ask him, since he doesn't want to, if he would mind you finding someone else that would? He seems set in his ways and pleasing you sexually doesn't seem to be at the top of the list.
This may be shallow of me to say, but I don't think I personally could be with someone who isn't at least willing to please me.

 

Thanks to all of you for your responses. I have told him that oral sex is extremely important to me but it doesn't seem to help. In fact, when I first started fooling around with him, he claimed that fellatio didn't do anything for him. Now he loves it of course but like I said, withholding it isn't enough to make him want to go down on me. I've also tried suggesting that we should watch some porn together but he thinks it's disgusting. He doesn't even admit to masturbation and we have sex only about twice a month. He claims he's tired from working all the time and he's overweight. His doctor told him he has low testosterone but never did anything about it. Sex with him lasts only about 10 minutes which needless to say isn't enough for me. Yes, I did ask him if I could have a guy on the side to provide me oral sex but of course he's dead set against it. When I ask him why he won't do it he says that he just doesn't like it and that his tongue and jaw gets tired. I offered to buy him a book explaining oral techniques but he basically ignored me. He gets angry and defensive if I press the issue too much. Sometimes he promises me he'll do it just to get me to back off and then never follows through. I don't force him because who wants someone doing it who obviously doesn't want to? The rest of our relationship isn't the greatest either. Since he works about 70+ hours a week we don't ever go out and do anything together. We are pretty opposite in terms of music, politics and values. There is love between us but it is more of a mother/child type love. I know we will have to go our separate ways eventually but I really do not want to hurt him. PS-The thing about pretending to be an underage boy is priceless LMFAO!

 

I'd say the incompatibility was just about maxed out here. Opposites can attract, but they have a hell of a time living together. It sounds as if you're ready to move on. I'd say that if you don't have much in common, have no social life together, no sex life (for you), and he simply refuses to do anything about it, then it's time to start packing. You can only beat a dead horse so long.

Oh, and as for hurting him... he doesn't seem all that concerned over your feelings. Do you really think he deserves better treatment? Just asking...

 

"my live-in boyfriend for 5 1/2 years"
"I know we will have to go our separate ways eventually but I really do not want to hurt him."

It sounds like oral sex is not the biggest problem the two of you have. If you're going to break up, do it! Dragging it out does not help either of you. It sounds like he has a picture of a couple of kids and a white picket fence in his head. Delaying does not help him find a woman who wants that picture. Neither does it help you find the man who will fit into your dream life.

 

I know you all are right but it's not that easy to just dump someone after being together for so long. Things are complicated right now and hopefully I'll be in a better position to be able to end the relationship but now is definitely not the right time. I just thought maybe someone would have a suggestion that would help out the oral sex situation until then.

 

sure..pin him down..& just sit on his face..give himthe option to either smother or lickhis way to freedom..lol

 

He's way behind if he won't do it. Kneeling and worshipping beauty in that way is like having explosions go off in your head. I think it's a deeply spiritual act of lovemaking.

 

Don't bother asking him to have a fling on the side. If you need your sexual desires fulfilled, do it.

 

yea exactly what he said!

maybe u should also make him realize just how many women are totaly incapable of orgasms without it
& if he doesnt care if u have em or not..dump his ass

 

I don't think you're going to change him at this point.

Find new and fun ways to masturbate
Take charge with sex (be aggressive) on a day when he doesn't seem tired (70 hours a week is a lot of work, and most peoples sex drive drops when they're stressed and overworked)
but otherwise you're kinda S.O.L. with it, after 5.5 years he's not gonna change. People don't change unless they want to, he sure doesn't sound like he wants to.

 

My question is was he like this when you to got together you would of had to of known that he was like this, what made you think he was going to change???


I have been with my partner for 2yrs now and he knows how much I hate giving oral, I am commig around now but I would prefer not to do it.
You are lucky that he has made the effort for you to at least try it.

To me it seems more like the fact that the issues go alot deeper than this oral problem.

 

Find a willing cunniliguist and have an affair with him. Not only do you get your rocks off, but the affair will make things easier when the time to break-up arrives.

 

to be very honest hum there isnt really anything you can do my hubby is the same exact way. i have tried everything to get him to give me oral but nothing works i tried compromising with him as well but he still refused. i know your trying to find encouragement but your going down a dead end. it's been 3 years for me and nothing. all i can suggest to youin getting a sex toy, find someone on the side, or just accept the fact that you will never have the fulfillment of a decent sex life. i did the third one i accepted the fact and stopped bothering him and asking him also my hubby isn't too interested in anything sexual for the fact that he has some personal issues he needs to get over and he is too stressed with his work.

 

Having someone on the side is pointless, if you still live with this anti-oral guy. If i was you i would leave him, but how come you have gone so long before you have reached this point?

 

Damn, what better stress reliever is there?

I would say that you most likely can't change someone sexually. I just doesn't happen often. Just decide if you can live with or not.