Boyfriend fails to satisfy me sexually... what to do?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by qsot, Apr 14, 2013.

  1. qsot

    qsot Guest


    I'm new to these forums and I signed up to get anonymous advice.

    Basically, as the title says... I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I have a much higher sex drive than him. Ideally I would like to have sex at least once every 3 days, but I would be very happy with doing it twice a day if I could.

    My boyfriend only wants sex every 2 weeks or so. He is able to satisfy me in bed when he wants to, but that doesn't always happen (he could sometimes be very apathetic and just have sex as a release rather than as a fun activity. I am the more adventurous one, but he often seems put off by my suggestions if I ever make any). Yesterday I was lying in my bed in my room with my door open and he was in the kitchen. I told him he has two choices: to either come in and have sex with me, or to shut my door so I could do my own thing. He shut the door. :(

    Now I know this makes it sound as if we're sexually incompatible, but we are very in love and I don't want to stop this relationship. I always fantacise about having sex with other men, but I would never cheat physically. I don't think I'm an unattractive person. I don't know why he isn't interested in sex to the same extent that I am.

    Is there any solution? Can I somehow reduce my sex drive or, if possible, increase his? Yesterday's event has left me feeling very unattractive and upset. I'm not sure what else to do. Help.

    Edit: I forgot to mention that this isn't a new problem. I have had talks with him about it before and he is very good at listening to what I say and everything would be better for a while after we have those talks, but then after a while it drops back to where it was originally. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing him to do it each time, it feels like he's doing it more for me than for him every time we have those talks. I want it to be more natural than that and I want him to enjoy it too.
  2. TheGhost

    TheGhost Auuhhhhmm ...

    Only one thing you can do: Move. On.

    Either that or put up with what you got.
  3. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear voice of sexy

    i should start a website for girlfriends/wives of men who hate sex. it would be bigger than facebook.
  4. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

    if you want some advice, stop giving ultimatums for starters.

    If having sex is about you controlling him, why is it a surprise that he doesn't want to fuck you?
  5. LetLovinTakeHold

    LetLovinTakeHold Cuz it will if you let it

    Get a new boyfriend
  6. Mike Suicide

    Mike Suicide Sweet and Tender Hooligan

  7. Lol, sex every 3 days is a high sex drive is it?
  8. nz male

    nz male Senior Member

    I have a sex drive every day - just don't get to use it daily thou.
    Just like an auto transmission - only goes when you put it the right one.
  9. I've been in your boat for 2 1/2 years and i'm finally figuring it out so i thought i'd share. I tend to blabber but I promise theres a point:

    Unfortunately, I fell in love with my now ex-boyfriend (kinda) before we even started spending a lot of time together. And the timing couldn't have been worse because I left the country for 3 months only 21 days after we made things official. Even from a world away I always sensed that I wasn't receiving the same sexual yearning back from him that I was trying to express over our Skype convos, messages, etc. So I ignored it.

    THEN he came to visit me in the country I was in. . .we had sex 2 nights out of the 11 days we had together before we had to separate for 2 months. . .and I ignored.

    When I got home from abroad that was when i really realized there was a problem and I began to bring it to his attention. After another 18 months went by with thousands of promises and no changes, my self esteem couldn't take it anymore. I left him. We have breifly gotten back together once only to break up again and now we're spending time together again and he says he loves me and wants to be back together again, but now that i have had a chance to step away and then re-enter the situation, i realized i was mistaking friendship for love. compatibility is important in a relationship but the thing that distinguishes a friend from a lover is the sexual attraction. I say i'm down to take things slow to get back together and im still falling asleep unnoticed next to him. I realize now that he's not going to change, and thats who he is, and i know he can find a girl with just as low of a sex drive. And i know i can find a man just as sweet that can match my larger appetite.

    The point of my sharing this is because I empathize with you. And now that i'm not commited to him i'm seeing it in a whole different light and without passion there is no love. Especially as early into the relationship as we are. Don't mistake comfort for love. We all deserve someone whos as crazy about us as we are about them. And thats the bottom line. I realize now that he's not going to change, and thats who he is, and i know he can find a girl with just as low of a sex drive. And i know i can find a man just as sweet that can match my larger appetite. thats why i think its time for me. . .and you. . .to move on and find men that can handle us.
  10. Inca

    Inca Member

    My first advice would be to get his testosterone levels checked. It would be wrong to assume his T levels are fine if he is "young." Low T levels can cause low libido.
  11. nz male

    nz male Senior Member

    Maybe he's actually gay & fears telling you that sex for him & is a chore rather than a pleasure with a female for him? Maybe he's just tired when you want it & just has sex to keep you - (dare I say it) - quiet, or to save him argueing with you - just a thought thou.
  12. youngnpassion

    youngnpassion Member

    Hmm...this is a really tough situation and I empathize with you because clearly you've tried to talk to him about it. Honestly, if it's been a long time and you've been able to express yourself clearly with no change, maybe what "TrichTrich..." says is right, and that things may not change with him and that is simply who he is.

    It then becomes up to you about whether you enjoy your life with him while having your passions and sexual appetites unfulfilled, or whether you'd rather step back from the relationship for a while and see what else is out there. I was in a relationship once with a similar situation - very little sex compared to my appetite. It hit my hard sometimes. Getting in bed at night, and feeling like the girl was just sleeping next to me while I was yearning was tough to deal with. I haven't been in one since then, but I am excited to discover something far more passionate in the future. Our relationship didn't break because of the lack of sex - I never let it get to the point that I would break up with her because of physicality alone - but it did cause strain to me internally. I'm never one to give up on things and I don't think you should just walk away without putting in a lot of thought into this, but perhaps getting some space would actually increase the drive between you two.

    Also, try to think about how sex gets started between you two during that one time you do it every 2 weeks. Anything different about those times that you could try to work into your relationship with him more frequently?
  13. annavish

    annavish Guest

    Well I am not here to lecture you, but my point is that,' as long as he loves you, you should be happy and you have to get your sex drive under control'.There was no sex or love in the last three years of my marriage and I got a divorce(we didn't have sex 'cos there was no love between me and him, so I said no to sex everytime he tried to touch me), but if he had really loved me, then I wouldn't have got a divorce! I can live my whole life happily without having sex, but all I expect from a man is LOVE, not sex! But anyways, I consider you lucky since you both love each other so much! So, don't leave the guy, but maybe you can ask him to c a doctor to increase his sex drive...Good luck !

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