Boyfriend can only orgasm with oral

I'm new to this forum so I hope I'm in the right place.

I've been dating a guy for three months and I've never run across a "problem" like this. He only can achieve an orgasm when I give him oral. We've had sex probably a dozen times and only once could he finish during regular intercourse and that was a quickie where he came within like 5 minutes. All the other times, we start off with regular sex, I can usually cum, and then I try to get him to... he can't, so I give him a BJ and he can and has cum every time fairly quickly. Is that odd? I've never had that with any other partners.

I will say this: He is a single, never married, no kids 37-year-old bachelor and I am a 40-year-old, recently divorced, mom of 2. That's a polite way of saying I may not have the ironclad tight hoo-ha he's used to. Could that be what's going on?

 

I'd rather he ejaculated during penetration, yes. I just like how that feels, both during and after. I don't mind getting him off every once in a while with oral... but EVERY time? Feels like something else is going on... either penetration isn't fulfilling for him, or he has some mental block about cumming in me (he shouldn't, I'm on the pill).

I really like this guy but or sex life together isn't spectacular, to be honest, and this oral thing is one of the main reasons.

 

That is good advice. I've done a couple of those things (moved us to various positions, told him he's good, etc) but we have not had any talk about any of this and we probably should. Thanks for the nudge to do so.

 

Some guys,,, and women get spoiled on one thing and then they Think there is no other way. He probably likes it best and is using the hold back to make sure he gets his BJ even tho he probably knows you don't care to do it every time.
I bet if you cut off the BJs for a while he'd learn to enjoy other activities. Or he will run for someone else, let him go if he does because he's not worth it if he cares about a BJ more then he cares how you feel about it needing to happen every time.

 

Just a suggestion and you may already have this as part of your repertoire but have you tried many different positions to find out which one works best for him and you for that matter (ask him his favorite)? Also, talking dirty is a turn on to most guys (like telling him "I want you to shoot that big hot load of yours deep inside me.") Works for me:2thumbsup:

 

This works for most guys. Just knowing you are this turned on should have him getting there with many positions. It's a lie if only a BJ ill do It. Or, maybe he had a GF before who hard V sex and would only do BJs, who knows, still no reason he can't open his mind and make sex an adventure. For both and find his other fun things about her that make him go off.
If I was expected to do a BJ every time I would lose interest real quick. My guy can come many ways and say Damn, that was good. I know it happened too by the sounds and movements he makes when close and the fact that he loaded off.

 

He needs to be trained...... do not give him a bj for awhile, just do intercourse.... it will work

 

I am thinking this guy just probably likes blowing in someones mouth more then anything else and you are just letting him have his way so he is just going to keep doing it that way. If that is the case he is being a pretty selfish lover and only thinking about himself. I hope he at least is giving you lots of oral in return. If not it doesn't sound like a very good time for you. Just, because you are starting your life over after a split does not mean you have to settle for this kind of sex life. There are plenty of guys out there that would be happy to make it all about you.

 

Mental block! He's probably worried about getting you pregnant!!!

 

I love your posts as you always put a smile on my face! LOL!!!

I think in this case her boyfriend has a particular Fetish he would like to enjoy but probably does not have the nerve to ask Liz to do.

Any guy can come from being given a good BJ...but the fact ordinary penetration is not doing it for him suggests he might have a specific Fetish he wishes Liz to partake i.

Could be anal...could very well be FEMDOM.

Liz...next time you are giving him Oral to finish him off stick a finger way deep up his ass and see if he has any form of intense reaction.

If he does...most likely he is into FEMDOM.

Have you two tried Anal?

TooReal

 

Another thought, do you really care about his orgasm? What happened to the motto, '"I'm in charge of my orgasm, you're in charge of your's"?
Don't take this the wrong way but maybe he just wants a girl who's a C*CKS*CKER.
And if that's the case,
1) Don't fault him for that, it's just the way he is.
2) You have to decide if you're comfortable being that girl.
As you mentioned, he does get you off the way you like.
You can either satisfy him his way as he does you, or tell him good bye.
Any answer doesn't make either one of you to be a bad person.
Good luck with it.

 

Perhaps vaginal sex lacks the same stimulus (suction?) orals does?

 

I hate to say it but I agree, once he knows how to get one from other great things that can happen he will know how to enjoy sex a whole lot more. I doubt it's about a fear of getting her pregnant! He wants her mouth on his dick or he ain't gonna be satisfied, spoiled rotten to it and selfish about his needs over hers. Guys can cum by several means and he just doesn't want to IMO.
I certainly wouldn't fall for it. Sex is all good till one decides he/she can't do more then one thing. Fuck that!

 

Huh well maybe this "retraining" works then in the opposite sense for pre-ejaculators that seem to make threads here often.

--

Anyway I just wanted to announce here that I'm leaving HF within 58-59 days.


But you'll see a noticeable decrease in my responses and advice giving and I might just disappear from some conversations all together.

 

I think it just takes a mind to not get hung up on one thing, bets are he could cum over many ways till he realized he liked BJs so much and he just wants his sex as a service rather then as a romantic event with his partner.
I could try that too, so could anyone, and if the partner is a little on the slow side of tricks and manipulation, it might even work.


Why you leaving, Monk?

 

Most of the comments here are related to the "mind-aspect" of cumming. Which of course is essential. It could of course be that he's hung up on BJ's. But it could also be that he isn't "rubbed the right way" with normal intercourse.

Then you can both try to give extra stimuli to his mind, as suggested above (talking dirty, telling him to cum and other "retraining" stuff...), and also do something about the physical. So you shouldn't completely rule out the physical aspect either. Trying various positions, variations of normal positions, kegel exercises, spending more time on him during foreplay etc. - can also be very helpful.

Good luck!

 

It's still sounding like he needs sex as a service, is there nothing he can do as well? How bout telling her what would work besides a BJ?
If I have a hard time because of a bad day I just tell him flat out, today is not a good day, why should he work a lot harder to make me overcome what's on my mind? There is also a lot both should do together to achieve good results.
Seriously if a guy, or a girl can't cum with anything else then mouth action, or anal action, or penetration, then it's likely not the right partner for them and it might mean they need a new face in their face. Most people cum because of the mind work, the physical work and most of all the attraction, it's usually the blend of everything a couple are to each other.
Now that's not saying some can without attraction like say doing paid sex and shit like that but that's also where a person can make demands to certain things "Only" that will work for them because they are paying for it.
If I was having sex every night and he wanted only a BJ every night he'd be off looking for a hooker, and a new bed to jump into.
Kegals could be a good thing but that don't mean she needs em, maybe he has a small member,,, how could she fix that? Four hour kegal sessions a day? They both need to discuss it and find a fix together, she shouldn't start blaming herself yet.
And this is not to slam what you said, I just don't think it's really her problem, it's their's and they need to explore and he needs to know there is more then her mouth on her body. If they are together then he should see more of her then her mouth, it should turn him on unless she is only a convenience to him.
She did say he came during a quickie so it leads me to think when there is time he wants certain stuff but during quickie he is ok to let one go,,, that's evidence of holding back for the Job he wants done during all other sessions.

 

Have you told him about this thread? If he reads it, he might tell you why himself.

 

Like someone said cumming is a physical, mental, and visual thing and men require various types of stimulation.
I've had people who couldn't get me to cum and others who made me come like gushers.

Each of them wasn't the same. Sometimes it was a loose pussy but other time even those who were" loosey-goosey" were attentive and great lovers for other reasons.
Let me also say the fear of pregnancy is VERY real. I'm not going to cum into someone I don't trust.

Ironically one of my best lovers started as one who couldn't get me off at all. She gave me the same mechanical b.s. she gave other guys.
After having a heart to heart and telling her what I liked (it took a while to get her to drop her ego), she turned into one of the best lovers I ever had.

She would take her time rubbing my back and getting me relaxed and then touch me intimately where I liked and talked to me dirty.
Then she would have me watch her take off her close and turn around and bend over and remove her panties. When we got to sexy after a sensual foreplay session, she was an active participant and I had no problem gushing like a geyser. I would take care of her too and do the things she liked like give her a full-body rub and then tickle her with a silk stocking or feather. Her thing was slow oral with I obliged.

One of the unintended consequences of hookup culture is that people don't take the time to build trust in their partner and pay intimate attention to their partners needs.
That only happens after a long time and takes work but the rewards are phenomenal.

 

Hi, 49 yo male here. I have the same situation with my girlfriend. We have amazing sex and spend a lot of time pleasing each other in many ways. She also has difficulty with orgasm and generally needs a vibrator to cum in addition to penetration. I don't mind at she needs a vibrator, from what I know many women have trouble orgasming at all. She rarely had orgasms before she met me.

Back to me, sometimes I can come from vaginal with her, but rarely. I used to come easily with vaginal, but as I got older it became more difficult. Not just with her but a couple previous partners too. I will say I was somewhat spoiled by a previous lover who was very generous with oral.

Overall, I'll say that I'd love to cum inside her, but oral what what makes me cum these days. The feelings you can get from oral with sucking and tongue and all more intense and you can also relax more when receiving oral. I love giving her oral too.

So in the end, I don't think it means he is necessarily lazy or selfish. It could be so, but I am one example of someone who is very generous and attentive to my partner's needs yet I have difficulty coming that way. It is not from lack of desire to cum that way. I really wish I could.

Good luck, I hope you make each other happy and don't worry too much about the mechanics of how that happens!

 

Nothing but nothing feels as good as cumming in her mouth. End of discussion.