My girldfriend recently told me that she's into that kind of thing. She says abuse turns her on, and likes all that weird, handcuffs, whips, leather, all that shit. And it freaks me out. Of course, I can't do this, because abusing her in any way would kill me. However, I don't like to just refuse to do what she says turns her on the most. So... what should I do?
It's not actually abuse if you two are both concenting to the activity and the fact that it's her idea and not yours means you dont have to worry. Just make sure you set down some ground rules that both of you are happy with and comfortable with. You may actually enjoy it more then you think and if your heart is in the right place i am sure you wont actually hurt her.
If you really loved her you'd whip that bitch until she screamed. I'm kidding. People don't seem to understand my sarcasm. But just try it, light S&M, use scarves to tie her down with or something, soft stuff. When she's bound, tease the FUCK out of her, make her beg you for it. You're not hurting her, she WANTS it. That's how she derives sexual pleasure.
I've had my girlfriend bonded to the bed a few times after she asked me to. Get some gentle furry lovecuffs and restrain her. Blindfolds make it even more interesting as they don't know what's coming next. Torture doesn't have to be rough. Be kind and gentle to her if it bothers you to be rough. She will still like it. Be sure to give her some tickles too and tell her you love her while she's restrained. It can be a very loving experience. I had my girlfriend lovecuffed to the bed bare and with her arms stretched over her head. I found out she has extremely ticklish underarms. .
If you kind of swap the situation around and it was some dude who liked bondage and some girl who didn't wanna, peoples reactions would be different - i think there might be one of those around here sumwhere, ok if i kinda go by what i said here goes. if u dont wanna do it dont do it, if your not comfortable with it then dont try it. i have tried the small stuff handcuffs, blindfolds and i must admit i do like it, maybe with some icecream, or just ice - that can be fun on both people, and if you kind of want to do some stuff read up on it first dont go to yahoo or google and type in bondage cause u will proberly be scarred for life lol. but if u read up on it, it might not seem as bad to you, good luck and have fun xxx
I'm of the opinion that even consensual Bondage and S&M are tinged with very real emotions of hate, fear, degredation, and domination. But then pretty much everything in our culture is, and thats why it seems so normal. I would put up with it if it got me laid, but I wouldn't expect to ever become comfortable with it unless I came to accept my desire to hurt others in general.
My girlfriend and I find it to be a 'bonding' experience (no pun intended). The fact that we sometimes have the other one bonded and could do horrible things to them but don't gives us trust in each other. She's very cute. I tease her and bring my wiggling fingers closer and closer to her underarms. She starts crying out, "Help Help! Underdog!. (That's an old cartoon where the damsel in distress would cry out for the superhero Underdog when in trouble) I make her tell me that she'll never run away from me. She's had me restrained too but in general I don't like it. I'm extremely ticklish and she takes full advantage of it. I start laughing before she even tickles me. The biggest thing I don't like is that I can't hug her with my arms raised. I give her a great big hug as soon as she releases me. .
Or it may be the other way around. Something that can be benign is seen as abnormal because so many people abuse it or always put it in a bad light. Nudism is a good example. People in the U.S. have trouble distinguishing nudism from sex and tend to think nudity is unethical. If you go to another place such as parts of Europe, people are capable of separating the concept of nudity from sex and don't think anything about someone being bare at a park, for example. Whereas in America the exposing of a nipple in public is seen as a horrible thing. .
I can probably handle the softer stuff that's been mentioned. I couldn't be made to do anything hardcore though. Some of it (the softer stuff you people have mentioned) sounds kinda hot to be honest The funny thing is, I never would have guessed she'd be into that. If I was, I'd never in a million years have brought it up. I woulda though she'd find it degrading Thanks for all the help, guys.
I'm into being spanked with paddles and straps. No whips or canes though, my personal taste. When my g/f first started to spank me she was afaid of "hurting" me and I had to convince her to do it hard. My tolerance is such now that I can easily handle over 100 strokes on my bare ass. She needed to know that the pain was really pleasure and that the harder I kicked or recoiled, the more I was really enjoying it. It took a while to convince her (and we have a "safe" word) but now she has not only gotten very good at it she has also gotten to enjoy spanking me very much. It has really intensified the sex for both of us. With boys, it's usually the same thing unless they are already into it. I have to let them know that they won't "break" me. So indulge her. Pick a safe word for her to let you know it's time to stop or take a break and then spank, paddle, strap or whip her ass until she uses the safe word. She'll love you for it and I think that you will find that the sex will be really hot.
Like others have mentioned, start slow. Push her against a wall and hold her hands above her head next time you're making out. Tie her hands and feet to the bed spread eagle. Give her a word (banana, red, something out of the ordinary bedroom context) that she can say if she's ever uncomfortable with what you're doing. Talk dirty to her. No, you don't ahve to call her a slut to make her randy, but tell her you're going to fuck her hard. TEASE her a lot, make her beg you to fuck her or to eat her out. Tell her what to do, to suck your dick or to rub herself against you. If you're going at it doggy style, hold her hair with a little pressure - not enough to hurt, but enough to show you're in control. Let her know you're new to this, and a little uncomfortable with the more extreme stuff. Tell her what one of your fantasies is. Try and fulfill each other, even if it's in slow steps. Dont' let this be the thing to break you guys up, because there are lots of ways to have fun for those of us who like bdsm-y stuff that don't involve bdsm
I'm into that stuff too, and it doesn't have to be hardcore to be fun, me and my bf do some light bondage. I was so embarassed to let on to my bf, and he actually found out by accident, (he just pinned my arms down one time-and saw how crazy i got from it), and we ended up going slow from there. First he was a little uncomfortable, but now he got really into it. Just start slow, esp what ihmurria said, because those suggestions were really good. You may find you like it too.
