blackmailing -God-

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by -Jesus-, Jun 4, 2004.

  1. -Jesus-

    -Jesus- Member

    I just want to express my feelings towards my father...

    I really don't appreciate the way you run things around here. I mean, what the hell were you thinking, leaving me hanging like that! that was one hell of a way to spend my first easter. I think you should step down and give me a turn, before I start telling everyone things you don't want them to know... does anyone want to know the secret to life?
  2. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    Did anyone every wonder where the expression "geez" came from? Like, Geez -- Geezuz -- Jesus...

    I don't mind that you borrow my big cloud on some Saturdays to impress the winged chicks, sonny.


    Now, you're going a little too far here.

    I think that the Romans put one nail too much near your brain.

    You've got several holidays named after you. Do I have one lousy holiday named after me? Do I have statues of me all over the place? Do I make threads about you and the EXACT reasons why you had to spend 40 days and 40 nights in the desert?
  3. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

    You can always just mention Jesus's marriage and daughter...
  4. -Jesus-

    -Jesus- Member

    i just played my cards well. you don't know how to rule. otherwise you would have holidays and such. and thanks for the comment about the nail in my head. that's a really nice thing to say to your son. you know i have not been able to walk on water since that day? you need to figure things out, cause i think the people are needing something other than what you supply.
  5. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    You're really pushing it. Striking your old man where it hurts the most.

    Kiddo, you're way over the limit here.

    If I hadn't masturbated to begin with, there woudln't be any universe at all. Where do you think the infinite galaxies come from? The funny rabbit made them? Nooooo. What about time and the three dimensions (height, weight and depth - in case you don't know because we all know what the i.q. of carpenters are...)? You think these things popped out from the hat of David Copperfield? Nooooo.

    I DID IT.

    Kiddo, it takes a lotta time, brains and work to invent these little concepts.

    That's why I'm worshipped. What did you do in your own time? Beeep - time up. You did wood chairs, wood tables, wood doors, wood shirts, wood windows, wood cars - and there wasn't even gas to fuel 'em at that time.

    Then it goes on and on. You know how much you've costed me in miracles? You made wine from water for you parties, you walked on water to impress the chicks. You healed sick people and never bothered ONE FUCKENETH TIME to check if they were covered by insurance. Now, who do you think winded up covering the fees? I'll clue you in, the same person who makes the planets turn.

    So, now, what am I? Some kid beater because I ask a little bit of respect from you?

    Is it too much to have a little bit of respect from you?

    Why do you think God has white hair?
  6. -Jesus-

    -Jesus- Member

    fuck it. here's some secrets god makes me keep:
    1) I was married to a whore
    2) Humans were planted on the earth by ancient Martians
    3) Your reality/universe is just another's ant farm
    4) Big black dicks is just a scam that black people created to get white women in bed
    5) dragons existed thousands of years ago, but their bones were very brittle and dissintegreated very fast. therefore no fossils.
    6) the whole woman's time of month thing was his idea of humor
  7. -Jesus-

    -Jesus- Member

    should i keep going, father, or are you going to give me the respect i deserve?
  8. Roachie

    Roachie Member

    I sense a lot of tension here!...each has his own special thing....But I incline a bit more on GOD´s side...he is funny...thumbs UP!
  9. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    JESUS........THIS IS your mother Holy Mary Ecstasy.....please don't talk to your father like that. he's good though sometimes i don't agree w/ what he does sometimes.

    but god, dear heart, give jesus a chance please. he might invite something more exciting then the vibrator
  10. -Jesus-

    -Jesus- Member

    betrayed again! I can't handle these humans. you have no reason to feel anything towards my father. I am your savior!! I died for you!! not Him!!! He is vengefull and has caused you more problems than anything. Remember the flood? the plagues?
  11. HappyHaHaGirl

    HappyHaHaGirl *HipForums Princess*

    Why don't you guys just take this outside? :D
  12. FunkyPhreshMama

    FunkyPhreshMama Visitor


    i agree there are more "famous" people I wold rather see on the boards. How bout Artie from Pete and Pete?????????????????????????????????
  13. HappyHaHaGirl

    HappyHaHaGirl *HipForums Princess*

    I wanna see Axl Rose kick Vince Neil's ass! Or watch them both cry and ask their moms to do it... but they aren't dead. I guess I'll have to wait.

    I want to tango with Walter Matthau, as well. :)
  14. -Jesus-

    -Jesus- Member

    i should have been a rockstar. they get all the chicks.
  15. Roachie

    Roachie Member

    But God can see all the CHIX!!! So...he would have them all..
  16. mynameiskc

    mynameiskc way to go noogs!

    yes, but usually rock stars' likenesses aren't settled nicely between chick's breasts.
  17. FunkyPhreshMama

    FunkyPhreshMama Visitor

    haha that wold be great, i will go make some popcorn.....
  18. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    Holy Mary-Ecstasy -

    Thank you so much for the light - you are truly a saint.

    I think that junior is pisseth because my dick is infinite and not his.

    It's a gland thing - Jesus is 2004 years old now and I think he needs his own space.

    The problem is that I'm everywhere. That can make it a little difficult for him to find his space.

    Yet, with your immaculate wisenesseth, I'm sure that he'll see things differently. If your immaculate wisenesseth should fail I can always kick his ass too.

    Phunkyfreshmamma -

    I want you to know that you are beautiful on the exterior and in the interior.

    You're also beautiful sideways too...

    Upside down is ok also.

    Vertical and 90% isn't bad.
  19. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    but if you kick his ass....i will bite you this evening and not the way you like it either.

    he's still my son and he's been through too much.
  20. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    See? Now we're fighting...

    Ok, I let him on that cross and he bled to death in atrocious indescribable pains which made him wish he was never born.

    BUT...aside from that detail...

    Are we gonna go through it all again?

    Are we really gonna fight all of eternity because I forgot all him? Can't God have a quiet Holy Friday playing crap tables once every eternity or so?

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