bisexuals in denial

I am a male bi and it seems like I keep running into guys who make it obvious that they are hugely attracted to me but who at the same time claim they are straight.

When I'm not attracted to them it's just kind of squicky and when I am it's frustrating and either way it's confusing.

I almost made the mistake recently of just assuming a guy was gay or bi because of how he was throwing himself at me, but fortunately I decided to make sure before I just started kissing him, and came to find out he was still somehow convinced he was straight.

I know that accepting your sexuality is not easy and I don't believe in trying to hurry the process or pressure anyone to accept it before they are ready, but at the same time, isn't there a point at which you just have to tell a person what seems to be obvious to everyone else?

I have so far not attempted to tell anyone what their sexual orientation is, but at what point am I helping someone to live in denial by NOT doing that?

 

Shrug,

Bisexuality is a hard road for a lot of guys it seems. If they're at least partly, and especially if they're mostly straight, sticking with that is by far the path of least resistance.

 

Maybe they just want a blow job and are not into sucking face.. Kissy kissy... you know?

 

I love pussy, but I also love a nice cock to suck or top me, I belive I have the best of both worlds I just need to not hurt anyone

 

I have not been with a man sexually for many years, yet I know that I have that other side of my sexuality which was enough for me for many years. I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and that ended activity on that other side. Do I miss it? Of course. There is something unique about m2m sex, but heterosexual activity also has its own satisfactions. All of us have to make choices. For most persons one loving relationship at a time is enough.

 

Evelyn Wood strikes again. My question was about whether or not it's a good idea to question someone's claim that they are straight when it seems obvious that the person is in denial about what they really are.

 

What you decide to label yourself, groovecookie, is your business. But why would you even want to question what label another person chooses? A straight guy who enjoys a bit of gay sex may confuse you but in s loving environment it should not distress you. I continue to accept the label of bisexual because I want others to know that I know myself to be capable of enjoying and sustaining a loving sexual relationship with either a male or a female. Not all bisexuals see themselves in the same way.

 

or it could just be you're ego asserting itself because it wants to feel validated. much as all ego's do.

 

eh, I think sometimes it's hard to draw a line between hetero-male bonding and non-hetero interests.

Also, people tend to act more like the people they are around. If you are more feminine or have a strong "gay" vibe, you could be bringing out their feminine side.

There's just a lot of ways, that I think you could be misinterpreting some of these events.



I find that a lot of people, notice a phenomena, they start seeing it at a higher frequency than actually exists, and I have a feeling that is happening here.



Also, it's not like there are just three options: gay, straight, or bi.

Sexuality is very person specific. I for instance, know that I am attracted to guys on occasion, but am very unsure if I would like to do anything with a guy in real life, and have only had the urge to try anything with a guy in real life when I was very young, and hadn't even had a girl yet (was the hopeless romantic until finding my love)

 

This is true. I find that when I hang out with my gay cousin I tend to dish, whereas I normally don't do that at all. Also when I'm around women I either tend to become more hetero and maleish (for lack of a better term) or I become more feelingish, you know what I mean?

 

Yeah.

I get a lisp around more feminine gay guys. Even if they are just main characters in a movie or on TV show, and don't have a lisp.

 

lol. yea. That or, I've found that when I've had a gf and she's bitching about something, I tend to automatically take her side and get bitchy as well. lol

That's the power of suggestion I guess.

 

I have been giving it more thought.

The way I have been handling it so far has been to assume nothing.. at least outwardly, and continue to act toward them as I would anyone who says he's straight.

I think the reason I was questioning that was because I feel like why should I put up with someone making me feel uncomfortable and/or confused by giving me mixed messages if they can't be who they say they are?

I mean I just sometimes feel like a person is saying to me "Just understand and give me some sugar even though I am too ashamed of myself for being other-than-straight to ever admit it to even myself." and even though I understand that (been there), I feel like.. at least now in my life I have enough self respect as an out bisexual that I'm not about to be any "straight" man's secret man-love.

But as far as confronting them about it, I've decided no on that. It isn't my job to pressure people to be honest with themselves. If they want more from me than what they have got by representing themselves as straight then they will just have to rethink the whole representing themselves as straight thing.

I just want people to either choose an orientation label or don't choose one! Either way would be fine with me. But if you say to me that you are straight, that implies that there are boundaries to observe and I expect you to observe those boundaries yourself and to expect me to as well.

Next time I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from a "straight" guy I will just ask him (even if he's already told me) what his chosen sexual orientation is, and if he still says he's straight, then I will just say "OK." and let that be the end of it.

That way I'm not trying to tell anyone anything, but I am making the point that they will need to be consistent and not be trying to tell me two conflicting things at the same time.

 

Why not just be open about it, and let them know you are bi from the beginning, then it is up to them to take it or leave it..

 

When my teen partner and I found ourselves sucking each other's cock and enjoying it we assumed, wrongly I have since concluded, that our peers were having similar experiences. For two years we learned by doing and during the summer after our junior year he was away in Montana and we assumed and gave each other "permission" to give some attention to the girls. I was introduced to the beauty and the wonder of a woman's body that summer and also experienced the joy of sexual intimacy. I pretty much knew that I woul;d end up in a long term relationship with a woman rather than a man, but over many years that sexual attraction for males does remain. Sexual promiscuity has never been an option for me, nor is cheating. I have remained a happy and faithful husband. I ;am content with the choices I have made.

 

i agree what you say!bisexuality is a hard road for that guys!people is hard to help them out only themself!
Best blessing!

 

good decision IMHO.... that way you meet your needs and allow him to define himself... respect

 

Nobody is straight all the time...lol. I mean to say that curiosity is a powerful thing and people will be very curious by human nature. I too have caught the uber jock checking me out in the locker room, or even the nerd glancing at my crotch area from behind a book...it doesn't mean they aren't straight. They could just be comparing. And sometimes, in conversation, people say things that could be interpreted as friendly, super friendly, insinuating, outright sexual, raunchy, or even completely dirty! I mean how many things do people say that you can add a "that's what she said" to and instantly make it really perverted. Sometimes people say these things and it really doesn't occur to them that it could be taken as flirtatious. And especially between guys, because we seem to walk a very thin line. Almost any guy-guy conversation (and almost all physical contact - a pat on the butt is weird to me no matter what the situation!) can be interpreted wrong...unless it's about weather or sports, and even then, the convo can make you literally hot and sweaty. I'd really be interested in details of what has occurred between you and these guys to see if any of it is up for interpretation. But if you'd rather not, it's fine. Hope I helped a little.

 

Agreed! Way easier just to stick with girls...and yet...*sigh*.

 

Oh, and an opposite viewpoint! I was that "straight" guy once. A lot of people have that persona going at first. But, then there was this guy, and you kinda can't help but start flirting, and then you know where it should go from there. But although it's frustrating, you can't expect every guy to come out right there. As I'm sure every one here knows, there's MASSIVE fear associated with coming out. I mean, you're pretty much painting a target on your back. And this is why like that you've decided to ask them at that moment. If they know they can trust you, they'll probably have no qualms about telling just you, but realize that these people probably aren't ready to make it known, change their orientation status on facebook and what-not. Therefore, unless you're okay with the covert relationship, you should ask them to be mindful of their flirtation. Again, having been that guy, most of us are REALLY sorry if we confuse you. We're just testing the waters, and aren't ready to leap yet. Sorry again.