Bi/Gay Men and depression: Another stigma?

Though I watch only about 3 hours of TV a week, it is obvious, that, from commercials I've seen, that it is obviously only women who suffer from depression.

These commercials show women talking about suffering from depression, going for treatment, etc.

Men, however, are not to be seen.

IMHO, in all honesty, most men are still of the old "Johnny Macho" era, where a REAL man does not CRY....a REAL man does not show EMOTION......a REAL man doe not admit he's suffering from DEPRESSION!

What bull!

I recall seeing a few TV shows where a man goes to a therapist for some sort of emotional issue....and, almost 100% of the time, the therapist is a FEMALE.

Right, I forgot...IF a REAL man HAS to go for some sort of therapy, he can ONLY open up to a WOMAN!

I FORGOT......it's NOT masculine for a REAL man to seek emotional consultation from another MAN.

If it is DIFFICULT enough for a STRAIGHT man to admit he is suffering from depression, rest assured it is even MORE difficult for a gay or bi man.

WHY is there still such a long-outdated "caveman" frame of mind that REAL men CANNOT admit they are sad and depressed?

Allow me, now, to step down off the proverbial soapbox; this is a subject that I truly feel needs to be brought into the spotlight.

Despite my "other side of the fence" sexual tastes, I have always been 100% MAN, and I have NEVER been afraid to show my emotions.

I've suffered from severe depression (and several breakdowns) over the years, and, thankfully, somehow, I've stayed strong and stalwart.

I fought MANY battles over the years, and, probably, will do so for the rest of my life.

I "hold on" as best I can.

It has NOT been an easy trip, by ANY means, and I truly sympathize with ANY man (gay, bi, or straight) that suffers the cruel stigmas from being afraid he is depressed and needs help and support from another male.

Thank you for taking the tie to read these words.

Be strong, fellows........

 

.....if the dreaded "Big C" is a silent killer, then so is depression, if allowed to go untreated.

That's why I believe mental health support programs for gay and bi men are of the utmost importance, in these troubled, uncertain times.

Fighting depression can be an overwhelming battle at times; trust me, I've engaged in some pretty heavy "combat" with depression over the years, with virtually no "ammo" except determination and courage.

I have tremendous respect for any gay or bi man who are "on the battlefield" today.....it is no walk in the park, by any means.....

 

Of course, anyone can get too dependent on antidepressants; when I had to take them (I cannot even recall what kind they were) any years back, I used them as a last resort, only taking the when I HAD to.

Last thing I wanted was to become too dependent.

After all, the pills MIGHT indeed help for a while, but, can ANY sort of perscription truly become a "magic cure-all", and suddenly flood your life with sunshine instead of shadows?

Of course not.

Being bi is difficult enough for many men these days, but, being gay in a largely straight world can be terrifying, frightening, and, sometimes, nightmarish.

In many instances, cruel words can inflict even deeper damage than any sort of physical assault.

If a gay man, especially, is without a life partner or even a close male friend, one he can truly confide in, the battle with depression is even more of a fight.

You have to draw upon whatever inner strength you have and not to put yourself in harm's way, if it can at all be helped.

That invisible courage is within all of us; it is up to us to draw upon it......and, of course, face whatever comes your way with pride and dignity.......

 

I've dealt with major clinical depression my entire life, and PTSD a good portion of my adult life.
Sometimes it seems like when you try to share your feelings, some people only hear your first five words, then, since they watched a segment of 'Oprah' once, feel confident enough in the depth and breadth of their expertise to slap a diagnostic label on your forehead and expound at length upon their theories and dispense crap advice.
Sometimes it seems that it would simply be easier (and avoid the stigma and prejudice of their stupid labels) to simply keep your mouth shut.
If you really want to be of service to your community and be able to help someone, stop thinking of the next clever thing you're going to say, and learn to really listen.

In related news, I've been off antidepressants for five days now. So far, so good.

I am not defined by my diagnoses.

 

Lets hope the "5 days" goes even further for you, my friend.....good luck!

You've made some very valid statements;many people HEAR only what THEY want to hear, and nothing more.

It is quite obvious in our society today that far too many are out only for THEMSELVES.

And, with any, if the cannot respect THEMSELVES, they cannot be expected to respect OTHERS.

Too many people also give "advice" simply for the feeling of thinking themselves "worldly", when, in fact, they are only spouting of nonsense.

Too much labeling in too any aspects of life these day; live and let live, be yourself, and remember that, even those narrow-minded individuals who have nothing better to do than pass judgment on others, have thier own skeletons in their closets, and are fro fro being "saintly"

Again, hope your "five day stretch" continues!

 

.....having several "in house" hobbies also helps to keep your spirits up.

I know I enjoy mine intensely; though it is always a great deal of fun to share a like interest with a good friend, one can still derive tremendous pleasure for a relaxing, yet stimulating hobby "solo".

Too, if you are "going solo", you don't have to be thinking of narrow-minded people who have nothing better to do with their tie but to label others.....

 

.......another line of pure BULLSHIT (please pardon my language) is that tired old saying:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

Tell THAT to ANY gay (or bi man) hit with "queer", "fag", "fairy", or "half-fag".

Words can often HURT as much, if not MORE, trust me.

Somewhere in the Bible, it says, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone".

Too bad not enough people are aware of this passage, or practice it, if they do........

 

....another IMPORTANT rule to remember:

NEVER "come out" (whether you are gay or bi) to ANYONE, even a FRIEND, unless you KNOW for SURE this person is NOT a hoophobe.

Just because someone SEEMS friendly, decent, and likeable, does NOT always mean that he is IMMUNE to bigotry.

ALWAYS exercise CAUTION when "coming out" to ANYONE; or, even wiser, DON'T come out at all, unless the subject comes up, and then answer honestly, but DO NOT volunteer any other info....don't dwell on it.

Remember, there is NOTHING to be ashamed of in your sexual identity, BUT, many times, "keeping the silence" is the safest and wisest course of action.......

 

Bottom line is that society needs to leave everybody alone with different ideas and mindsets. Depression is a big thing. I have suffered milder forms of it during the years. Took meds. Can’t say they helped.

What helped me more than anything was diet. Not gong “on a diet” but the food I eat in everyday life. No junk carbs. No processed food. No sugar. Simple but yet hard to get used to at first.

The real odd part for treating depression, that seemed to work for me, was when a Holistic medicine doctor told me to start going barefoot as much as possible. That was mainly to take care of bad back pain and it worked. The side benefit, as she told me could be likely, is that my mood elevated into a positive and happy realm. I know, sounds like BS New Age medicine. But it worked for me. The huge shoe companies fight this info tooth and nail.

But as far as judgmental assholes. I am at the point that I could not care less what anybody thinks of me or what I do. Imagine how the so-called normals would judge me. A bi older guy seeking his first male ass to fuck.

I suspect that mindset does come to many with age. In the meantime remember the old cliche, “fuck them if they can’t take a joke.”

 

Well said!

When bigots judge others, ever think that PERHAPS they have their OWN skeletons in their closets, and that, by judging others unfairly, they are trying to avoid detection?

Then, too, there are bigots that are just plain ASSHOLES, period.

To hell with these idiots, live your OWN life and ENJOY!!!!!!!

 

It's simple....stay around your own kind. If someone doesn't agree with your sex life, then that someone shouldn't be a part of your life. Don't worry about what people think.

 

Agreed 100%.

You do think with a great deal of intelligence, which, sad to say, is often in short supply nowadays.

Only IF a person accepts YOU for what you ARE, and respects you as an EQUAL is he then worthy of associating with.

All others can take a walk........

 

I hear what you're saying. I have long-term clinical depression, mostly from a non-existant sex life and no way out because I am here for her because she needs me, for everything except sex. There are few people or places I can talk about this except an anonymous forum like this. I am receiving counseling. It's a long process, and yes, from a woman. The first counselor I approached, a 20-something female psychologist, suggested I get some on the side. The next, a female medico sex counselor, treated me like a serial rapist. She did not like men. The one I have now is great, female, but there's no easy solution. Seriously, are there no male psychologist counselors? Does the male gender suck at counseling?

 

I'm in a sort of similar boat as you are.
You can use this site to find therapists in your area or who do television. You can search by gender and if they are LGBTQ+ friendly.
Find a Therapist, Psychologist, Counselor - Psychology Today

I haven’t brought up my bi interests to my counselor yet, but the total lack of sex from my wife is an ever present topic. When your wife says it "wouldn't bother her if she never has sex again", claims she has no sex drive - How the hell do you deal with that nightmare?
I too, worry about how the dynamic will change once I express my interest in bi sex, even though the therapist claims to be a specialist. I get the do more for your wife then maybe she'll come around routine. I would do backflips and cartwheels if it'd make a difference, but it won't. So I've given up trying as it only frustrates me that the one person who should want to have sex with me, won't, and doesn't give a damn about how miserable it makes me. It's been 1.5 years, then 3.5 before that. I don't even know how much of my bi interest is innate, or the results of a spouse with no sex drive, that waa low before it essentially stopped altogether.
I wish you well my friend.

 

An EXCELLENT post and VERY well-said.

Be YOURSELF, and NEVER short-change yourself as to WHAT and WHO you prefer.

If YOU can respect others for THEMSELVES, they should also extend the SAME courtesy to you.

I've been to several therapists many years ago, and, in all honesty, I cannot say that any of these men truly helped me; however, they WERE good listeners, and I was at least grateful for that.

I've been silently wagering my own war on bigotry and narrow-mined hate-mongers for years.

These days, I am virtually a recluse, but, in all honesty, given the way the world is today, I truly do not feel I am missing out on much.

Being celibate for decades might not be at all fun, but it certainly does have a number of pluses; you don't have to worry about "making contact" with some guy who is out to take advantage of you....or worse.

That being said, I DO like WHO I AM, and WHAT I am.

A GOOD man, an HONEST man, and a GENTLEMAN.

I have always tried to live quietly and unobtrusively, and, though I cannot say I trust people easily, I will still not hesitate to risk my life tro help someone truly in need.

Anyway, it all boils down to being TRUE to YOURSELF, realizing your positives and negatives, and focusing onb your positives.

You have MORE than you think!