BEGGING FOR ADVICEHERE destiny,dilemna,blood,and a heart of stone with acrack in it?

Begging for advice-relationship type question
Heart of stone with a crack in it?


Hi all.

Well this is my first ever posting on the relationships forum side.

Being a self confessed Scorpio sex addict I’m usually Im on the “love and sex”part of hipforums but try and limit myself there!; )


Anyways , as the title says ( being clueless in my own relationship matters) Im BEGGING for some helpful advise here.


OK here goes , I recently went abroad for the weekend and I got it on with a girl.
Pretty ( gorgeous) , funny , good “energy”
got on really well blah blah blah


Ok that parts normal.

This was in continental Europe , and Im from England tho’
__________________________________
Now things get less normal.

She was Russian and a student.


Now I’m of Russian descent.My family moved over from there a long long , long time ago.In some ways I feel very Russian , and I’m certainly not “typically “ English.
I believe our genetics as much as our environment give us our personality traits.


She looked like me ( not in a daft way you know ) , Slavic , same features and colouring etc- and people tend to be attracted to genetically similar types )
and blah blah blah.


I’m fascinated by Russia and the people and have even considered “defecting”there for about 7 years now.


Ive even been writing a novel the last couple of years and in my minds eye she looks like theRussian female lead character looked like from the start of writing.


In a way I felt I was tapping into my lost heritage.( I lost touch with my Slavic forebears) .But it was the way I felt I could laugh with her like we were best friends etc.

But at the same time was very “girlish” a different personality to the English girls Ive known.

And having been outside Russia for a couple of years her English was perfect.


Im 30 years old and have been around a bit and usually have to go out with a girl for quite a while before I’ll even think about her as anything other than sex or a laugh ( sorry I know that’s terrible and that wont earn me any sympathy, but Im always honest with them anyway).

And I usually know when a girl feels the same way as me.


Anyway , I’m certainly not the clichéd “lonely old guy looking for a good looking foreigner”- I have lots of fun with girls whenever I want.
-Im an ex model myself and run my old business and Im still , as I said above , Im 30 ( shes early 20s)

The next thing is , Im really superstitious and believe in fate like anything.


My life ,and career mainly has been shaped by certain key moments.
I’ve always believed in fate , destiny , instinct.
To me it just seems so much more powerful , more ”true” than pure logic.
I know that without instinct and belief in destiny , I think Id be so much the poorer.
( spiritually )
Infact I believe that putting logic in the dustbin has often been the best thing Ive done.
And amongst the Russians I’ve known a belief in “destiny” has often seemed big
thing too.


My friend who saw us said “look at you , you daft fxxx you’re in love”
Anyway , I wanted to tell him to shut it ( I “pride” myself on having a “heart of stone”) but even I couldn’t suppress a stupid –looking fairly “guilty “ smile.


Theres probably lots more justifications but I wont bore you much more.
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Ok here’s the next bit .Promise you wont laugh?
*
*
*


Shes a lap dancer.

Allright , I knew you would laughbut Im serious.


Not a hooker , just making her way through college and with the target of an EU passport ( well probably)

Altho most people would say she could go back to Russia and have a pretty good life there as a model and wife of some “bizniz man”( ok mafioski).

...Or find some guy to give her the EU passport.
___________________________________________
And here I am LOL asking , ok begging ,
for advice.


Part of me says that ideas with a Russian lapdancer who wants to live in Europe ,
whos living on the continent while Im in England just seems daft and comical
and a little brainless of me.I mean could any of this be a sound basis for a relationship?

My head says “very
confused” .

My heart ( which usually says sweet nothing on relationship matters as Im usually governed by my dick) tells me “yeah do something about it , and try as some other nuts believe in this type of destiny thing"


*********Question:-**********************************************


Should I :-

a)Grow up and forget the whole thing with her.

b)Play it cool , and if I happen to go back , play it cool with her and
see if its worth bothering with after we meet again.

c)Accept that I do actually believe in destiny/fate and take a more proactive approach and say “nothing ventured , nothing gained”.


Many thanks all .

I know it sounds silly but its trueLOL


( shakes head in embarrassment) and wonders if this is the daftest post ever put on this part of hipforums)!LOL

 

okey dokey that was a bit confusing to read - but here we go


tell me if im wrong basically theres a girl from russia that u like who is a lapdancer and u dont know wether she likes u or just wants a eu passport is that the basic drift of it?

if soooooo theres properly not much you can do, like yeah sure you could spend time with her and get to know her and then decide if she wants a passport or loves you. if you are thinking about her loads and things go back and see her/find her, and see what happens fro there.

if you are only thinking of what life could be like with her e.g wedding, house, family. it might not nessarily be love it might be natures way of tell you to settle down and maybe find a partner not a shag friend?

 

First of all, the reason you put logic in the dustbin is because "falling in love" is a moderate form of psychosis. You lose control of willpower to do certain things to function. Infatuation is nothing more than Obsession-Lite. It is mentally unhealthy.

Secondly, trusting you brain. You're "heart" can't tell you anything because it is merely an organ which pumps blood. All your sense comes from your brain and thus, you experience emotions from there. You need to control those emotions and not let them control you. That is not to say you can determine when you will "feel" a certain way, but you can control your reaction to the "feeling".

To answer your question, my advice, is simple.

If you want her bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes. If she is more trouble than it's worth, you should forget it.

I will use a reasonable approach because I am on the outside. If I tell you something logically, you will disregard it and go with your emotions. Thus, either leading to hurt or possibly a relationship.

Either way it's a risk. Is it worth it to you in the long run? Only you can decide.

 

Hi Wiggy and Libertine many thanks for your quickreplies.
Sorry it was a bit confusing to read.

I’ve almost got a new found belief in humanity lol
( I was expecting the first reply to slaughter me)LOL
Still plenty of time for that tho’


RE WIGGY'S REPLY
1)Anyway , to answer the easiest bit ,no Im not thinking about wedding and house and stuff sort of “in general”.BUT I did actually have sort of a feeling of why people have kids.More importantly I felt stronger , literally in my heart as if I felt that love is something real and not just for girls and losers.

( the only thing Ive loved otherwise was my cats – the first of whomwas incidentally nicknamed Wiggy - spookey eh!)
You aren’t “ITigsy” from AOL btw Wiggy?

2)Yeah I "like" her(right word?) that’s part of it.
I felt she likes me – the way we giggled like kids, the way we acted , and the chemistry.

In my job I have to suss people out very quickly and usually I know when to pursue things etc or whether they’ll cause me untold grief.

But another part is my lost Russian heritage , how I still feel “Russian” in so many ways, the fact I felt more allegiance to it than England.

3)The other bit is like the destiny type thing , not love at first sight , but maybe love without me having the courage to really accept it.Maybe love at x hrs past first sight or so?

A bigpart of the question is. “Is this destiny thing sensible or ridiculous?”
I know people used to talk about it but Im a complete amateur on the matter.

4)A)Yes the other part is yes is there any sound footing to go forward?
Some people might say “Russian lapdancer in Europe wanting a passport for England /EU” looks outrageously cliched and that I should steer well clear.

4)B)Part of me says that things worth having are worth working for.
I don’t think that “letting nature take its course “is anything more than a cop out.
I ‘m sure she isn’t devious or cold.The chemistry just seemed so powerful.

5)Sure maybe I could impress her but if it was just an initial spark that she felt and nothing more , ie I could “build “ something.

Maybe if we were both “proper Russian” orjust living in the same city or country even it would /could evolve easily without me doubting my sanity or anything else
***Thats v frustrating***.

6)I admit that maybe Ive discovered Im part“foreigner “in my own country and I know something with her would help it.
BUT Either way , its not just that , its **definitely** about her.

I “pride” myself on being a” real man “but I just feel so out of my depth with it all.

7)Maybe I could go back and “impress her” or just try and develop it naturally over there
. Should I spend an hour or a week?More?

Should I leave it a while?Or is that a cowards way looking for a “get out”?
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8)Maybe I’m afraid yes its “beneficial “ for us both , but ultimately maybe I fear her getting the Russian “bizniz man” in London or Moscow
who she might see as “one of her own”ie “true “ Russian.
But I can handle that fear , no problem at all.

9)My real fear is , can I really convey what I feel?Will she understand it?
Is what I feel normal or daft?Will she just think Im a tit?
What do people here think of my reasons for keeping thinking about her?

***********************************************************
Ok Wiggy , I should go back and see her if I still feel similar to what I do now.
You mean what Im thinking isn’t insane? 

Maybe I’ll give it a little while and arrange a trip soon.Thats the advice I wanted to hear I admit that.
( In a tiny way Ifeel abit like Robert Redford knowing he should follow his instincts in Indecent Proposal , and a tiny bit like Richard Gere in that limp film Pretty Woman when he feels all confused): )lol.Theres prob some other films that encapsulate more than 5 percent of it all but I cant think of em LOL)

When I was with her my head kept saying "yeah shes terrific but shes a lap dancer
1000miles away so it cant happen and Id be daft thinking of it.
In the cold light of day ,when I was back in Eng , I thought "what about destiny?"
__________________________________________________
The minor thing is how I should work out while Im there if shes worth progessing with and how far , how soon?Should I believe in destiny?

Its just how should I convey things with herto look at developing things on a ( hopefully) sound footing.?

LIBERTINE

Hi.Thanks for your reply too.

Im sure it aint infatuation.Im sure its mutual attraction but attraction alone isn’t enough for it to progress past any initial stage.Its the other aspects of it.

I just want to know whether people actually do things like catch a plane back.

Ok love might be like psychosis but weve got passion for lots of things.
I don’t avoid the things I have passion for , and no one should_ I Think…!: )
What I don’t want to do is lie to myself and go somewhere clichéd and stupid.

But on the face of what Ive said , would u say going back to see her , in a short time , may be a “sensible” course of action.
I think youre suggesting it is?

I still feel “confused”( Christ that sounds gay!: ))but I think Im getting atleast 1 percent clearer.

Anyone else got any ideas on it all?
Thanks once again Wiggy and Libertine.
Hope destiny works for u both!

 

She may or may not be the one but I have to say maybe you finally opened up enough to see there is more to a relationship than just sex and a few laughs. Both people gave you good advice but this was about the same thing I would have told you too.
Yes, go back and see her...how else are you gonna be able to do anything but spin about it!

 

Hi GDH thanks for your quick reply.

But is even thinking of the word love with a young Russian lapdancer ( probably) in search of a passport after such a fleeting rendezvous something that make "sense"?

As I said on the other forum my heart literally felt stronger like the word "love" actually made sense for me as being something not just for "girls and losers".
I even felt like I understood why couples have kids after I met her.

I plan to give it a v short while , then pop over and try and take things from there.
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But I dont know how to play it?Play it cool or put my cards on the table early on so to speak?Should she be able to understand it if Im open (or even reticent) early on?

 

Personally I don't think the lap dancing is an issue. I used to be a dancer eons and two kids ago. I've known plenty. Some are fucktards and some are just people that wanna make great money for whatever purpose. I would be concerned about the passport thing though. Alot of Russian women have joined the marriage markets for just that reason. There are quite a few in my town that started out that way but from what I've seen most also have good marriages too. I know because I sold jewelery for ten years and almost all the people I came in contact with were couples.

 

Many thanks again GDH.
The lapdancer bit I was thinking a little was "like well yeah shes meant to have good chemistry with people-its what she learnt for a living".
I didnt have a prob with it atall on its own.

Russian is another issue -mostly good , and not really concerning.
Passport issues Id tie up with the Russian one.I dont blame her for having plans to possibly emigrate ( I almost emigrated to a couple of places and theres also only 88 men per 100 women in Russia anyway I heard)
And as I said she'd get a good life back in Russia .Also I dont think shed really find any shortage of offers from all over the place anyway.

The 2 big big things are:-

1) the fact that shes not even in Britain , or near Britain , and our contact was relatively fleeting with my feelings all tied up in this belief in fate and instinctiveness and whatever it is I cant explain.

2)how to actually develop anything next time we meet.I mean will it actually make sense to her if Im open?