before sex

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by devildark, Jan 31, 2009.

  1. devildark

    devildark Guest

    Right, I have a problem that has been going on for years and I have tried various ways of communicating the problem to my wife, but the problem still continues.

    What happens is that just before sex there always seems to be a moment when my wife finds a way to mock and/or humiliate me.

    It is the timing that really gets to me. Though some people have the problem of their spouse not engaging in sex, this is not my problem.

    Let me explain. Recently, my wife offered to give me fellatio after which we'd have sex. However, just as we were preparing to go forward with our plan, she saw that my fly was already down. At this point I was already quite looking forward to the evening, so all I did was stutter a bit when she told me that she discovered my open fly (not in a sensual manner, but in a "oh, you forgot to zip your fly again" manner). When I was lost for words in anticipation of our night together, she made a retarded voice and mocked my stammering because frankly I had no response to her criticism that I had left my fly open by accident.

    I overlooked this and chalked it up to a misunderstanding, but soon after when she was about to go down on me, I made an "ooooo" noise, and she looked up at me, made the retarded voice again and mocked the sound I just made, which immediately and effectively ruined the moment, you know that moment where you surrender yourself to the upcoming pleasure and love that you are about to feel.

    Immediately after making the retarded voice, she started giving me oral sex, but all I could think about was the shame I felt in having been mocked.

    Okay, I know I might not be expressing this very well, and I am not perfect, but the point is that on numerous occasions I have had to overcome my anger and shame in order to just move forward, i.e. maintain an erection as opposed to confronting her over a humiliation that frankly makes it hard to perform. But I overcome my feelings, think happy thoughts and try to enjoy the sex as much as possible because like all humans I am a sexual creature and know that if I confronted her over this, we would have a fight, and we certainly would not have sex.

    I know this because I have tried to confront her and all that happens is that she responds with the following: "why don't you write down all the things I do wrong and then give me the list." This statement is of course said with biting sarcasm, which further frustrates me as it is not my intention to tell her all of her faults, only that I don't like to be mocked. In short, when I say to her that something she has done makes me feel shame, she takes it personally and lets me know that she feels I have wronged her for bringing up a grievance.

    Please help. This is the first time I have ever reached out to others in a public forum over my marriage issues.

    Thanks.

    ---------------------------
    www.bestadvicesonline.com
     
  2. Wow. Verbal abuse?
     
  3. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    I think she hates or distrusts men, somehow. Or she feels guilty having sex. My advice is so obvious, I won't put you through the indignity of having to read it. Good luck.
     
  4. RandomOne

    RandomOne Member

    1) you need to toughen up a bit, like when she said your fly was already down be like "hey its easier access for your mouth" or something like that. That kinda thing puts the ball back in her court and is half flirty. See when she points out something like that with a biting remark, you gotta bite back (but in a joking way) and you kinda dropped the ball there by letting her get away with that. Basically stick up for yourself but don't take things personally.

    2) She is taking it too far and you need to confront her about it and have an open discussion about it. Hopefully that will make her stop, if not, I dunno she has found out that she can get away with crap like that and will carry on. Another thing to do is act like you take it personally next time she makes a rude remark, be like "hey that's fucked up how can you say that to me". and see how she responds. The important thing is that it's an act because if things go bad you can always recover with "i was just kidding god" and then she'll feel like an ass.
     
  5. His Eden

    His Eden Queen of Mean

    Simply put, stop having sex with her if she is going to mock you. Masturbation is so much more rewarding than being humiliated like that. If my husband did that crap to me I would tell him to kiss my ass and go finish the job myself. While I understand your desire to have sex, is it really that good? Is it worth being mocked and ridiculed to get?

    Honestly it sounds like you and your wife have issues outside of the bedroom that you both need to work on. No one deserves to be belittled like that, so you need to make it stop. If she won't stop you may consider if the relationship is worth it to you or not. She seems to have an issue being passive aggressive, and you are just passive. She will continue doing what she does until you make it stop...either by telling her to stop, or by leaving. Either way, you need to do something.
     
  6. PurpByThePound

    PurpByThePound purpetrator

    Dude...not cool, if i were you and i had to focus on keepin wood after she does that shit, I would just let it go and then say something about how her attitude is a total turn-off...but then again you are married, so...

    I just finished reading the rest of it, and you know what, I think you should purposefully lose the wood and be like "Yeah, I dunno, I guess you aren't attractive tonight." At least whenever she does something mocking towards you. And say attractive, because that can include her looks, which she can't change but her attitude, she can...just be a royal dick to her whenever she is a bitch to you, because you have already tried confronting her about the situation.

    If she doesn't confront you about your dickiness, then you might want to address it at some later time. If nothing goes well, maybe you SHOULD think about ending the marriage.

    But above all, you can't let yourself go through this shit just for sex. I mean, yeah it's great and all, but your wife knows a huge weakspot for you and she is obviously an insidious bitch that will poke that weakspot just to see if you'll twitch. BE A MAN and stand up for yourself, dude
     
  7. natural philosophy

    natural philosophy bitchass sexual chocolate

    a punch in the mouth usually sorts out these kinds of problems
     

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