This forum used to play a big part in my life, in my teens and I guess early twenties too. It’s been years since I’ve posted anything but sometimes I still check in, just to check it’s all still there.. I guess it’s almost like a comfort blanket. You grow out of it but might keep it in the back of a cupboard in your childhood home and sometimes when you visit it’s nice to dig it out as it brings back so many memories. And comfort too I guess. I’m not necessarily looking for comfort but somehow felt the need to throw all this into the hip universe.. My world has been rattled a bit recently and it has left me feeling, well I’m not sure what exactly but I guess I’m just a little lost in this new reality that feels so different to what it was only a few weeks ago. My husband’s childhood friend who was a big part of our family died in the end of June and my dad passed away last Friday. It was the dreaded C word in both cases. Both expected but a hit in the head will still knock you out even if you’re expecting it if you can’t somehow block it.. I almost wish I could block all this and yet I don’t want to, not that I could. I had a tricky relationship with my dad for most of my life and yet I’d like nothing more than to have him back so I could fix everything. Not that anything needed fixing, I was there with him until the end, I tried to resuscitate him even though we all knew he was ready to go. I saw it in his eyes when he said goodnight to me that last night and less than half an hour later he was gone. It was as peaceful as it could be. And yet it haunts me. The look in his tired eyes haunts me. And J, his death came way too soon, only a few years older than me.. he really was so full of life and then it was all suddenly sucked out of him. I can’t get my head around the fact that they are just not here anymore. How do you just stop exsisting.. How are you there one moment and then just.. gone? My heart hurts for them and for us.. my heart hurts for my daughter who has lost both her grandpa who she adored so much and who loved her and quite frankly lived for her for as long as he could after his health went downhill, and her honorary uncle who again she adored and who loved her so much.. it’s all just so devastatingly sad. I really did feel the need to just write it down and post it on here, perhaps I’m mentally running my fingers over that special blankie from my childhood and hoping that eventually this reality will start making sense again. I know it will, of course it will as it’s not wrong what they say about time being a great healer and all that.. but in the meantime.. I might hold on to this blankie for a little bit.
Nice to see you back.. hold on, it gets better I promise, if better is what you call it, but you learn to live with it..just hold on girl..(hugs)
Welcome back, I only wish you were returning under better circumstances It's hard to suffer the loss of a loved one, but have two loses so close together must be especially difficult. Grief counseling might be something you'd like to look into. Your other family members/ J's family are probably experiencing many of the same feelings, so talking about this together might help too. I think you can even have group grief counseling. Wishing you comfort, KozmicBlue
I sneak back every once in a while as well. Great times have been had here in Random Thoughts I am sorry to hear about your losses. I lost my mom in April 2017 and then my brother in July 2017. I get exactly what you are going through and i am here if you need anyone to talk to. take care Kozmic Blue, Hugs to you
Cancer is a real fucker Johanna. Life goes on, until it doesn't. All we can do is fondly remember the dead. I can very much relate to the blanket analogy when it comes to this forum. I find myself returning here, even though there is nothing to return for other than one or two special people who still post here once in a while and make the occasional venture to this portal of nostalgia worth it.
Sometimes a forum can seem like a once-thriving neighborhood, school, or` amusement park that went downhill due to compeitition, poor management, or corruption and is now sparsely populated and dappled with broken concrete and litter. The act of returning for a brief visit conjures up bitterwseet thoughts about how good it was at one time but is now gone and not coming back.
No Competition....Poor Management......Corruption.....Broken Concrete Or Litter Here At "The Hip"...... Thank You Very Much....."Hip" Is A Thriving Well Run Website Consisting Of Peeps From All Walks Of Life......A Nice Place To Hang Out.....And Don't You Forget It Mate...... Cheers Glen.
I agree. I still look at some of the old forums I used to post at too. Here is special though. There's something about HipForums that seems indestructible. I could be imagining things...
Thanks for your replies guys. Life feels very strange at the moment however there has been very little time to dwell on the strangeness and emptiness of it all.. time has been consumed by funeral and legal arrangements.. who knew death is such a tricky thing just on a practical level. There have been times I’ve wanted to stop and scream at the world to just.. stop. But in some ways keeping busy has helped I guess. Anyway, my dad’s funeral was on Friday. It was a hard day. It felt wrong to see the coffin, it looked so small.. and he was a big man with a big presence. But there we go.. life continues just as it did before, just different. It really is a real fucker. A big fuck you to cancer. What was your username back in the olden days? Dustinthewind, nice to see you on here. I’m sorry for your losses too. How is life for you these days? I appreciate your kind words xx
I'm sorry for your losses. Sometimes it seems that there are no easy ways outta' life.I remember you very well and you are another May 8th, 2004 poster. They come and they go in here, but it's nice to see the" old timers" check back in. Sorry about the circumstances.
