I'm 18. Male. Over the past year or so I have become increasingly attracted to other men where in the past it was just women. I have found that I like men with more feminine features. I prefer women but I can no longer deny my attraction to other men now. Is this normal? A few years ago I would never have imagined I would have found other men attractive but now I do. How can you suggest I can explore this further? Any advice on figuring this out? Thanks I think that because I'm Catholic I may have just suppressed any sexual attraction to other men and denied it. I'm thinking that maybe because I am moving away from the Church and on my own I am able to think freely sexually. That's the only explanation I can think of.
I think you may very well have repressed it, or you may have just not matured sexually, who knows frankly, who cares! I know it's cliche, do what feels right. As you are venturing out on your own a little more now, there is absolutely no reason why you should not experience your life to the fullest. I wish you all the luck in the world, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask.
LOL Although, while I'm too not worried about that happening I am attending a Catholic college with a massive scholarship that rides on what a good Catholic I've been. So I'm going to have to keep this on the dl. The only person I have told is my mom and she doesn't believe me. I have a suspicion that my father might actually BE bisexual or homosexual but it will be a cold day in Hell before he would ever admit it. So I think for the moment I'll just try to be as open as possible to my sexuality without being obvious to others if that's possible. Just try to figure stuff out really. If I can ever get my father to admit that he is either bi or gay then he would definitely be the one to talk to...
I am amazed at the notion that you really want to "talk about it". With your Father, who'll probably be of very little help. And with your Mom who has shown little understanding so far. Sexuality is best lived and not talked about. Since you are on the receiving end of a good scholarship, it would be outright foolish to go around talking about your sexuality. Why would you want to ruin the good thing? Sexuality is not only statically fluid but dynamically fluid, too. This goes on to say that a) we are all to some extent str8, bi, and homosexual as we are; and that b) that composition changes over the time with some people. This is perfectly natural. You are 18. Before you make any totally wrong, destructive and possibly very costly move, lean back, enjoy the exploration of your sexuality in private and learn out of it. Once you are done and once you start calling the shots, you'll know what to do. KD
yeah i agree, im 18 and i have tons of crazy thoughts and i think you should give it time before you make a decision that you could look back on and regret. not just with this but with anything
I see your point. It's a very good one. Sounds good to me, I naturally think things through and probably too much at that, but this is one thing that is less thinking and more doing. I believe I'll follow your advice. Thank you very much.
regret is only for fools. theres a large line from doing something with a man and thinking about it, obviously. just know that thats there. if ur the person that will regret something like get with a guy, i'd say u are a fool. just stay open-minded. cuz open-mindedness never hurts anyone. u dont need to do anything with a guy anytime soon, but just stay open-minded is all
No scholarship is worth risking your dignity over, or repressing of your true feelings. Sexuality is not fluid for everyone. Many people's sexuality is set in stone, and very rarely, if ever, changes over the course of a person's life. Repressing your true sexuality in your younger years can also prove to be very costly and destructive later in life. Old habits can be tricky to break, and they die hard. Exploration of sexuality is all very well, but to keep doing that in private for a long period of time can prove difficult. You also have to keep in mind that if you are not open about your sexuality, people will just automatically assume that you're straight. Id imagine it could be quite difficult to keep up that illusion, while also experimenting with your sexuality in private.
It is difficult to understand where the notion of "dignity" enters the equation here. Living your sexual life as you find appropriate is for most people still an intensely private aspect of their lives. Despite the huge pressure to "come out" exercised by those who stand to profit from it, there is really very little real reason for it. When you come to think about it, letting the world around you know that you ARE gay really changes little for better and often, much for worse. The OP has clearly indicated that he saw his sexuality changing over the time. I have experienced a very similar thing over the time, too. Possibly, for many, the sexuality happens to be set in stone. Obviously not so here, for the OP. There is a huge difference between enjoying your sexual life in private and "repressing your sexuality". Having sex in private and not talking about is one thing. Not having sex of the kind that you wish to repress in quite another. Few people attend college for a long time while depending on a good scholarship. Once the OP gains a degree of general and in particular, financial independence, and once he has decided in his wisdom that he should come out, there is nothing really to stop him from doing so. Coming out at say, the age of 25 is hardly a major disaster. People are always free to assume (ass+u+me) whatever suits their whims at any moment of time. This is simply their prerogative. Allowing the others to call shots and run your life for you by feeling compelled to act upon such ever-changing assumptions is simply a popular folly. Indeed, once you agree to discuss your sexuality with the others, it may be very difficult to keep any illusion alive. Frankly, however, no one is really entitled to receive any information on your sexual life, unless you agree to release it to him. When all is said and done, we are really looking into the benefits of a college degree and a possibly successful career vs. the loss of freedom to discuss your last night's conquest over beer with your pals for the next few years. KD
it's also not worth it to risk your education for (although I'm not sure that what you get from a catholic school can be called an education at all). point is, if he wants to finish the school he shouldn't risk it. it's got nothing to do with dignity. it's his private life and other people have no business in it in the first place. repressing your sexuality is, yes unhealthy, but he's not repressing anything anymore. he's admitting it to himself, which is very healthy. you don't have to go and announce about yourself to the whole world. if there are people who will automatically assume you're straight just because you haven't specified who you like to take to your bed, then that makes them idiots. there are plenty of people out there who do not make that assumption, people who can read the subtle cues and reach the correct conclusion. and you have no control over it anyway.
