Because I will never be able to tell you...

You're a total child. You've never been challenged or turned down by anyone without your temper flaring, a childish tantrum, running away from home, or some other such "look at me!" nonsense. You eat like a 4 year old: living on Mountain Dew and fruit roll-ups and turning your nose up at anything that isn't deep-fried, sugar-coated, pickled in brine or alcoholic.
Ah yes, your developing alcoholism. You take such pride in your binges, you hangovers, your puking marathons, your brushes with death...
Your presence becomes grating after more than ten minutes of exposure.
But I deal with you. Because it's easier than the alternative.
What you would never realize, even if I could say this to your face, is that all of this bitterness comes from the fact that I give a shit- the fact that it's agonizing to watch your downward spiral of emotional and physical self-destruction. At the rate you're going, you won't make it to your 40s (if that), and if you do, your quality of life will be shit.
And I'll have to bear witness to it all,
because you'll never change.
If I ever was to express concern, your pride would blind you, and you would mistake it for pity, or an attempt at censorship, an attempt at control, an attempt to tame you, domesticate you, "you're not the boss of me" being your motto.
Well, you're right. I can't make you give a shit about life after your 20s, nor would I want you to change for me. I would hope that you would give enough of a shit about yourself, but you've already made it abundantly clear that you don't.

Good luck friend. I'll pray for you. I can't say I'm grateful that you have taught me the definition of a love/hate relationship.



To whomever should read this: Nobody you know. Thank you for the opportunity to release this toxic waste from my cranium. It was crowding out the important stuff.

 

*claps* you go girl! Was your picture taken in new york btw.. doesn't look like anywhere around where I live. I live upstate though

But I like your rant.. that was tight. You have a lot of good points.

 

Glad you feel me, and yeah, it was taken in Sterling... No idea where it is, lol. I wasn't driving. It was at the Renaissance Fair.

 

Why do you still know this person?

 

Wow, that was potent. This thread really touched me. Thank you Firefly.

 

seems you been talking about someone that seems to ignore the fact that its time to grow up a littlebit, am i right?

 

sounds like me

 

Because he's amazingly talented and intelligent and funny despite these things... and he was my friend before he turned so fucking stupid... and I guess saying good-bye is too hard at this point... and would be too awkward even if I could do it since he is one of my boyfriend's best friends and they hang out all the time. Yeah. Lots of reasons.

Really? Well, thanks, I guess. I was just letting off steam... Had to get it out somewhere where no one I know can see it... and possibly hear from others with similar grievances... and possibly hear another side... none of which were necessary, just as long as I could write it all down and get it out of myself...

You're not kidding... probably has to do with the fact that he's an only child and was ridiculously spoiled. I was an only child and was moderately spoiled, so I understand the impluses he struggles with daily, but at some point, you need to grow out of the bullshit and realize that the world isn't going to bend to your will.

 

Firefly, you are a good writer.

 

Haha, thanks, I write well when I'm pissed. If my professors could just get me angry about the subjects I'm writing about, I could get A's on all of my essays. :tongue:

 

WOW... i never knew you knew my "mother"!

 

Um... lol?

 

I would say she made her point well, and really the only thing left to finish the job was perhaps castration, did you need a knife?

 

Is that directed towards a guy or a girl ?

 

Lol, it's a guy- specifically my boyfriend's best friend (my friend as well, but as you can see, it's a rough friendship), and no I don't think I'll castrate him. He's depressed enough all wonderin' why he doesn't have a girlfriend.

 

If hes enjoying himself,

Which life is better, 5 years of bliss, or 30 years of ups and downs, I guess, I can see both sides. I don't know, its terrible to see people destroy themselves too.

Just disregard this, I'm thinking about not even posting it but, ehhh why not?

 

I'm a 19 year old kid who's been a drug addict since age 12....I think at times my mother feels this way about me...I've been through rehab and stuff and she's been supportive.....but I know she's tired of watching me make myself suffer and knows I can do better, but.....well, mom I'm strung out...once again...and I think I'm dying, but I love you and thanks for the effort and support...love ya mom

 

I understand what you are saying, and I know a lot of people, including the guy I'm bitching about, might agree, but it just makes me seriously sad that someone could think it's more fun to be chemically altered and in a stupor and creating nothing but conflict with other people and burn out early than to enjoy this life we've been given...
I guess not everyone thinks life is precious. I fervently disagree with these people. If things get real shitty, don't kill yourself- hop in a van like TwoDogs did and find something better. I realize it's not always that easy, but at least in the case of the kid I'm talking about, he's got options. He's got money for one, a ridiculously huge talent in writing for another, a car and big muscles. It seems he could do something for himself, but no... Life's just too damn hard for him to get through without a drink... or 6... or 15...

Jesus H...

 

Could it be??

An excerpt from his deviantart journal:
"So, I've decided I need to just chill. Not on anything specific, just in general. I've been stressing myself out unecessarily lately. Life is a friggen' journey, not a highway drive from point a to point b. If I don't get lost along the way a couple hundred times, where's the fun? Also, I need to remember that I'm not gonna' find happiness at the bottom of a bottle of jack daniels. If it were that easy, everyone would just walk around drunk all the time and forget that there's any other purpose to life. I'm gonna' make the most of my life, whatever it is, not sit around pining to be living someone else's. That said, good day to you all."

God help me for daring to hope...

 

Firefly, I've known people like that, and watched a good friend sink from booze to blow and a lot of crap inbetween. He never did get himself straight, and I haven't heard from him in years, after we had a serious fight over what he was doing to himself.

I wish you good luck, and I honestly hope your friend's turning himself around. It's one thing to 'enjoy' life, it's another to piss it away for nothing. Hopefully he sees that, especially if he's got chances and opportunities. I don't know him, but he's got my support for wanting to pick up his life, and you've got mine for putting up with it.