Be honest. What was the first thought you had when you found out your spouse was cheating?

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by Just for fun, Nov 20, 2018.

  1. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

    Mine was, what did I do to cause her to do this? I know it sounds crazy but that's the truth. Years later I asked her why and she said I was easy to fool and kinda blind to what was going on. I told her I wasn't easy I just trusted you more that you deserved to be trusted. Then she wanted to fuck and I said no. I refused her the satisfaction. I was 24 years old.
  2. YouCanTrustMe

    YouCanTrustMe Average Size Member

    Call me ignorant or blissfully in love. I have been married over 30 years. I know in my heart of hearts that under no condition would my wife ever cheat on me. It’s not in her make up. Nor would I cheat on her. It’s not in my make up. I won’t lecture anyone on their choices, but I will say that I believe marriage vows are more than “I promise to try, but...” I like this statement that I heard from a friend a very long time ago: Being married is like being on a diet: you can look at the menu all you want, you just can’t order anything.
    Deidre likes this.
  3. Hoov67

    Hoov67 Members

    Very very betrayed...wondered what I did to deserve this.
  4. olderndirt

    olderndirt Members

    She didn't cheat. We had discussed it and decided she could have sex with another man. When she did, we had sex and she told me all about it.
    Deejay88 likes this.
  5. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

    One of them I was shocked. The other one I was relieved because the lack of sex gave me migraine headaches for months. The headaches immediately stopped when I suggested that she leave. and yes she left.
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2021
  6. Toecutter

    Toecutter Members

    My GF cheated, we were engaged at the time. When I found out I was devastated I did not know what to do, how to think, I told her to move out, she wanted to stay and work things out. I wanted revenge. I met her one of her friends out at a club not long after. I kept chatting her up and buying her drinks and took her home, the next morning my cheating GF drove past my house, she did this multiple times a day. I knew she would see the car in the driveway.

    She walked right in the house and found her friend still naked in bed, I was taking a shower at the time.

    We tried to make it work but it was not to be, and I’m very glad, as I’m sure we would be divorced today.

    I forgot to add that I thought getting revenge would make me feel better. Getting what I thought was revenge did not make me feel better, I still had the same devastating feelings for quite some time.
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2021
  7. xX-Christine-Xx

    xX-Christine-Xx Members

    P30L or AR15
  8. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

    I was so pissed at one break up that when she called me a few weeks later and asked me to join in on a FFM threesome I said "Go fuck yourself." Then ten years later she looked me up, we had lunch. Then she said lets go to a motel. I said I am dating someone who wouldn't understand. Now why do you think she turned every shade of red?
  9. xX-Christine-Xx

    xX-Christine-Xx Members

    Left eye or right eye, your choice.
  10. Barry Mandelay

    Barry Mandelay Members

    My spouse cheated one time many years ago after we had been married just less than a year. My first thought was with whom was she doing this? Come to find out it was an afternoon of trying to verify if she had made the right choice with me as her spouse. Whom was a former BF who missed his chance with her. He couldn't pull the trigger before we met and got together. He looked her up one day, invited her to lunch, and that turned into an afternoon tryst. Since it was later than it should have been when she returned home I had a suspicion. But if so with who? Verified it later in the week when she admitted to the encounter. We talked about it and our emotions, goals, and future life together. Error made, damage done, all repaired. We spent the next 30 plus years exclusive to each other until her body failed her and she had to become celibate.
  11. Toecutter

    Toecutter Members

    We all usually hear/read about the bad when it comes to cheating.

    This is about friends, He had a feeling something was wrong, he just didn’t know what it could be everything was great.
    For weeks he just had that feeling, he felt terrible about looking at his wife in that way and tried to put out of his mind.

    He decides to leave work early heading to her favorite store to buy her some sexy lingerie and perfume, he buys a card and writes a big “Love Letter” on the inside. He heads over to her work, he is going to put the gifts in her car.

    As he is arranging everything just right in her car, he notices a couple in a car, it looked like they are kissing then he can only see one in the vehicle, he said he smiled to himself, thinking “afternoon delight” after getting things just right in her car he steps out to leave.

    I’m sure you know what direction this is heading.

    As he is walking to his car he glances over, smiling, “he is definitely getting a good afternoon delight” his smile ended quickly.
    He recognized the butterfly on her shoulder, it’s was his wife.

    He ran to the drivers door trying to open it, locked, he punched the window it doesn’t break, his wife is now looking at him her eyes are wide, he takes a step back and kicked the window this time is breaks, he dragged the man from the car.

    A small fight starts, security arrives quickly,

    For the sake of the children they decided to stay together. For almost a year he refused to speak to her directly unless it had to do with the children. They lived separate lives, sleeping in separate bedrooms.

    He asked just one question, “Why” for months he didn’t receive a answer, every day she confessed her love for him. Every evening she offered her self to him, he refused her. After about 3 months she finally answered him she said “he” was always in charge told people what to do daily.

    He is a very hard worker but passive. He said he thought for a very long time about what she did and what she said. “Always in charge”

    Almost a year went by with her confessing her love and offering her self, he still loved her no matter how much he wanted to hate her he couldn’t.

    The evening she came to his door offering her self as she had for the past year he finally opened the door. She wanted someone who was in charge, he was going to show her.

    He picked her up and tossed her on the bed ripped her nightgown off they had sex, he said it wasn’t making love, it was fucking, rough and bruising, anything he wanted to do she was happy to do.

    It’s been about 15 years and they are still together, he said her cheating saved their marriage.

    After that first night they sat down and talked for hours, he was surprised at what she told him, one of the bigger things she told him was she didn’t want to be treated like a delicate flower. Don’t be so nice all the time.
    Just for fun likes this.
  12. mr man

    mr man Members

    I suppose I was conditioned to want to feel anger but it just made me horny.
  13. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

    Wow what a story.
    Toecutter likes this.
  14. Totally Yoda

    Totally Yoda Yoda Master and Moderator Staff Member Lifetime Supporter

    If I ever found mine was cheating on me. She will be gone. No questions asked.
  15. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

    I agree and I feel to stay because of kids, the kids will pick up on the hateful feelings and have a very twisted view of how to act in a relationship. I left and my kid doesn't speak with his mom.
    Totally Yoda likes this.
  16. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    I've only been in 3 relationships, and the first two ended because of cheating. The first guy, I'm still not sure what happened there because he refused to answer any questions. I found out he was still on the dating site we met on, and there were other strange things. He would never take me to his house because he said he lived with family and for some reason I couldn't meet them. I was a dumb 18 year old so I bought every excuse he made up. He told me once after offering to bring me to meet them, that he forgot they had a group cooking class that day and couldn't do it. Then he would severely limit the time we spent together because he apparently worked 7 days a week all day and got off at like 1am. When I saw he was still on that dating site I got fed up with the bullshit and broke it off. To this day I'm convinced that he was married the entire time. We were also engaged.

    The second guy I trusted more. I never thought he would cheat on me. But he was a pussy and I didn't respect him. He was a whiny baby who couldn't do anything for himself. I knew I was done when I decided I wanted to move back to my hometown, but he wanted to work it out and come with me. I tried to get a break from him but he begged me not to leave. And after I agreed, I found out he was on multiple dating sites desperately trying to find some poor girl to fuck him. I don't think he ever actually found anyone to have sex with him, but since I was already over the whole situation, it gave me the motivation to tell him to fuck off. He just wanted to keep me around until he found someone else. Cyber shit is still cheating to me. I never understood his wanting to cheat seeing as he seemed to have no sex drive.

    I'm in another relationship now and I don't think she would ever cheat on me. I just don't think I can trust men anymore.
    bry75 and (deleted member) like this.
  17. Barry Mandelay

    Barry Mandelay Members

    That's a shame you had those experiences with men. Believe me very few men are like that. Something has to happen within the relationship before most men will look elsewhere for sex. He also has to have another woman who will be happy to have sex with him and she is probably cheating in her relationship too. I'm not saying any of your experiences were your fault. It may be you just found two cads in a row. A rarity for sure.
    Toecutter likes this.
  18. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    Well the last one basically treated me like shit and I never cheated on him. I lived with his family and he let them treat me like a slave. I cooked and waited on them hand and foot while he ignored me to play video games. His grandmother was a lazy piece of shit who was bedridden because she was obese and refused to get up and move. Because she was so helpless I could never leave the house unless it was to get groceries. And then he wouldn't even have sex with me, or show me any affection so I had no satisfaction in my life at that point. If anyone had ANY excuse to stray, it was me.

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