Pubs are much nicer places to be since the smoking ban, but there's still an issue of excessive alcohol consumption which makes people's breath smell and can lead to rowdiness. What's wrong with a nice cup of tea to accompany your game of darts or shove-ha'penny? (also they should get rid of the TVs and loud music.)
Take yourself and your pro-darts agenda back to Russia where it belongs What, do you think pubs are supposed to be fun? Won't somebody think of the children?!
The whole point of a pub is to have drinks, including alchohol. If you don't like the alchohol, they also serve alchohol-free beer. it tastes like beer, but there is something missing. Isn't it enough that the Anti-ciggerette Brigade have stopped us lighting all manner of ciggerettes, hoopas and cigars in our favourite taverns?
my old local served tea...it was amazing!! served in a pot on a tray with a seperate little milk jug...i was in heaven
yes yes. And ban chairs too! All these slovenly layabouts cluttering up the place with their slouched demeanours and hunched sloth-like forms. Remove the instruments of such apathetic no-good sitters! After a chair ban we can all stand correct and erect with respectable posture and the self respect of upright citizens! Then there's tables too! I shudder at the thought of these intrusive instruments that just get in the way of a good ol' stroll about the premises. They only aid the slovenly behaviour of the aforementioned beseated types. Begone furniture of evil!!
Once we've banned drinking, games, televisions, music and furniture from our pubs - all very good ideas, I must say - we will need something with which to replace these uncouth and slovenly activities. Since the customers will all be standing, why don't we get them to turn and face in one direction - perhaps towards a focal point. I don't know, a picture. A picture of the Queen? We can then get them to sing together, and to listen to edifying speeches about the history of our glorious nation. After which I imagine everyone will want to point their arms out towards the picture of the Queen, the focus of our attention, as a gesture of solidarity and respect. I know we haven't yet mentioned it - but we will, of course, be banning non-whites too, won't we? And gays. And J0hn.
personally i think a can can line would be good. it's exercise. though that may be just a bit too ebullient for you fine upstanding brits.
marching in place, synchronized jumping jacks, etc. good thinking. you wouldn't want people having fun in a pub, it might lead to rowdy youths.
You've given me another idea, KC! Once all this exercise and patriotic activity has finished, we can send our pub-goers out onto the streets - maybe give them nice uniforms so we all recognise them - to make sure our streets are safe from all the gangstas and hoes. As for the uniforms - how about nice brown shirts?
and don't forget we need some sort of symbol that we all can wear to represent ourselves to those pesky 'outsiders'
Ooo ooo ooo, I know! To maximise comfort during the steruous workout/Queen worship, we make it as an armband. First, it's mostly red with a white circle in the middle - these being the colours of the English flag, with the extra red symbolising the blood, sweat and tears that have been shed for our country. In the middle of the circle, to symbolise that we are content with this life of strain and humble worship of our wonderful Monarchy, we can cross out the white circle with a black cross! If anyone has any other suggestions for the symbol, feel free to speak up!
maybe the 'arms' of the cross should be broken in some way, but all facing in the same direction - say right. i bet that would look really stylish too. :leaving:
Yes! It could symbolise the tyranny of those who try to "break" our bans. In fact, let's take this further and really stick it to those cowardly, tyrranous traitors by organising meetings where we burn a big letter "T" (standing for "tyranny" of course"). We could even dress up as ghosts, in an effort to scare these cowards away from our great upstanding society.
