Backwards compliment

I went to a bar last night on the island (the only one on the west end) and anytime you're able to see my sleeve tattoo, I always get compliments and/or questions. Well, last night some guy comes up to me and says, "What? You're too cute to have tattoos."

For some reason I was pissed (could have been the four rum and cokes and two raspberry vodkas and sprites) and almost started a fight. Bear, our mainentance guy at camp and also a real regular at the bar had to physically carry me out because I wouldn't get out of this guy's face. Bear says later, "Annie, he said you were cute. Calm down!"

I still was irritated...why the hell would someone say that? What do you think it was? A compliment or not? I didn't think it was...it's like saying "Tattoos just look nasty and not attractive at all." And that's NOT TRUE!

 

It was a compliment and tattoos can indeed look nasty and unattractive.

 

it was a compliment that shouldve been thought through a little bit more

 

i think it was that a) he thought you were cute and b) he finds tattoos unattractive

 

I think he was trying to compliment you by calling you cute but he's just stupid and it didn't work out. I saw your sleeve in the body mod forum and it's fucking awesome. Some people just don't get it...forget that guy.

 

Well, I WAS at a bar...and after thinking about it, I don't think it was meant to piss me off...

I was, initially, just, like, WTF.

 

That's an odd thing to say.he has some kind of attitude about tattoos and the way to compliment women.he was right about the cute part tho.

 

I think you over reacted

 

Nah, it was kinda mean. I would have been taken-aback too.

My dad, who is religious, recently said to my sis (after she told him she wanted a tattoo) that "no man would ever want her if she had tattoos." I was flabbergasted! I often am, because I think my dad favors me (just a little) and would never say something like that to me (but maybe I'm favored in this case because I don't want tattoos, and he knows that). What bullshit! My dad's a fucking pig sometimes.

 

I have this aunt. Who is religious, but not in the southern baptist extremist style, just religious, but SO ANNOYING. I swear. She is the duplicate of Martha Stewart for real. Anyways. My dad has a tatoo, and so do his sis and bro, and I told my aunt I wanted one, and all she could say was "Ladies shouldnt have tatttoos"................... ANNOYING. Keep yourself in middle ages why dont you.

 

I dont' think he thinks you're cute anymore.

 

Good...he was ugly...

Plus I have a boyfriend

 

Holy shit! That's actually an example of a "neg." That guy was trying to pick you up but, he read you wrong. The neg or backhanded compliment is used to breifly disqualify ones self from being considered a potential suiter, thus disarming your friends and making you think he's not after something or at least that's what it's supposed to do.

 

You should write a book.

 

I would but, I don't feel that I bring anything new to the table just yet. Maybe later, when I am able to develop my own theories.

 

Maybe here we get a clue as to why you overreacted.

I wonder what "the boyfriend", not the real guy of flesh and bones, but whatever he does psychologically in terms of comfort, protection, etc. actually is...

For a lot of women, having a boyfriend means interacting with a guy at a bar is unthinkable. Could it be individual males become the embodiement of a male collectivity? That disgusts you otherwise...don't know.

I'm just trying to understand the mentality that cuts itself off. That says, "I have a boyfriend so get away from me."

I might be wrong whether it is accurate in your particular case. But either way, what I say is no backhanded compliment.

 

Well, it was wrong as far as negs go.

A neg goes, "Oh, I didn't think girls like you wore tatoos..."

Actually what he said was no neg at all. It was a fumbled attempt at a neg.

Additionally, he picked the wrong target for a neg. Negs only work with like 8-10 bimbos.

 

Ah, the boyfriend defense mechanism I've encountered waaay too often in the field. If the chick says she has a boyfriend, you fucked up somewhere along the lines(if a woman is attracted enough, she won't mention him), thus, I imploy the boyfriend destroyer! But thats off the subject, i'm not directing any of this towads you Annie

 

Essentially, a lot of women hate men as a concept. Meaning, collectively.

But they love this particular guy, and they scorn every other man. Unless they are friends or something.

In other words, they love men of flesh and bones, but hate the CONCEPT of men. And every stranger is conceptual before you get to know him or her.

 

You're absolutley right. I don't think I would've even mentioned the tattoo's. If a woman has a tattoo that attracts alot of attention, I'd like to step out of that frame and not blend into the norm(she's probably gotten alot of compliments and stuff about her tat). To tell you the truth i don't even like using negs. I like playing with concept of active disinterest or I just throw a pebble(smaller, lighter form of neg).