Atheist jokes

Discussion in 'Agnosticism and Atheism' started by bird_migration, Jun 24, 2013.

  1. Q: What is so ironic about Atheists?
    A: They’re always talking about God.
     
  2. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

    Lol.

    Can I also add that atheists /are/ jokes. IMHO.
     
  3. Grainpsilo

    Grainpsilo Member

    As an atheist I never think about god until someone brings it up and even then I don't talk about it because you can not argue with crazy people.

    There is nothing I can say that will convince them and there is nothing they can say that will convince me so what is the point.
     
  4. Paltsmet

    Paltsmet Guest

    irminsul i don't think it is necessary to add your offensive opinion about people.
    in my opinion it is much more ironic that theists come to atheists with "proof" from the bible, a book written by humans that has been retouched several times.

    Bird, good one.
    peace.
     
  5. MeAgain

    MeAgain Dazed and Confused Staff Member Super Moderator

    Q: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
     
  6. Gongshaman

    Gongshaman Modus Lascivious

    I like any joke as long as it's clever...

    ....I'm waiting :toetap05:
     
  7. Maelstrom

    Maelstrom Banned

    Q: What do you call an intelligent American?
    A: Atheist.

    ___________________________________


    An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I’ll grant you three wishes, Master."

    The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you."

    The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him.

    The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this."

    The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. "What about your third wish?" asks the genie.

    "Well," says the atheist, "I wish for a billion dollars."

    The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens.

    "What’s wrong?" asks the atheist.

    The genie shrugs and says, "Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist."

    __________________________________________

    A man sees a boy with a box of kittens The man goes over and says "Oh what cute kittens!"

    The boy replies "Yes they are Christian kittens".

    About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!"

    The boy replies "Yes, they are atheist kittens"

    The man asks "wait, weren't they christian before?"

    The boy looks at the man and says "Yeah but they have their eyes open now"
     
  8. roamy

    roamy Senior Member

    not all atheists are always talkin' about god.its just a minority.most atheists don't even call themselves atheists.
     
  9. Gongshaman

    Gongshaman Modus Lascivious

    :rofl: Didn't see that before my post :2thumbsup:
     
  10. DevilDealer

    DevilDealer Banned

    What do Atheists and Christians have in common?

    They're both organized religions.

    "Well, we like to call ourselves atheists... You know cause like it's a special club.... for you know.... "non-believers".


    and attention seeking whores.
     
  11. themnax

    themnax Senior Member

    athiesm is a religion, like abstinance is a sexual possition.
    - bill mayer - (just too good not to quote).
     
  12. GLENGLEN

    GLENGLEN Lifetime Supporter

    Can A Atheist Make A Insurance Claim If It Was In Fact

    An "Act Of God"...[​IMG].???



    Cheers Glen.
     
  13. Anaximenes

    Anaximenes Senior Member

    Yes!! That;s what you're saying, huh? He was fooling himself, and then he shall go to jail for collecting the money.:sunny:
     
  14. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

    Hehe good one :2thumbsup:

    There seriously seem to be 2 kind of atheists: the ones who just happen not to believe in a deity and accept other people might do so. They generally do not call themselves an atheist in the first place.
    Then the other ones who seem to find it very important to tell the world they are atheists and yes, they are always talking about God, dogmas and morals to the extent that even their fellow nonbelievers are wishing they would burn in hell.
     
  15. An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers."
    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger "What would you want to talk about?"

    "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no god, or no heaven or hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
    "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty and a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

    The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss god, heaven and hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"

    And then she went back to reading her book.
     
  16. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

    ^ Might have been a good joke in 1950 but eventhen there is still verifiable evidence that the animals do indeed have different Shit, so I feel there is a logical error in the analogy she's making.

    Furthermore today with labtops and cellphones one could likely checkout the digestive tracts and stuff of the different animals and make a verifiable assertion based on evidence, or even go so far as to autoposy the animals, that's kind of getting carried away with the joke but it's what came to mind.
     
  17. That's true, but he probably didn't have an internet connection during the flight.
     
  18. volunteer_tommy

    volunteer_tommy Elongated Member

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