Arranged dating?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Wiggyman, Jun 16, 2013.

  1. Wiggyman

    Wiggyman Member

    I have a subject I want to write about. About a year ago me and my gf broke up after a long relationship (we met when we were 16). I have been a bit off since then. My best buddy`s gf, have under this perion moved in together with him.

    A while ago he asked me to come across to eat some dinner and watching movies or something. Imagine my surprise when he had bought a bottle of wine to drink to dinner. We Always use to drink beer or vodka when we meet. He really seems to have settled down.

    After a while a friend of his gf came, and during the whole evening she was asking me some strange questions about my work, about my education and about my future plans. It all seemed as some kind of interrogation, and it felt wierd to me. I get that feeling that it all was arranged by my buddy`s gf, and that the girl know about it wich I didn´t. Well, the girl wasn´t in my taste and I didn´t seem to correspond to the girl´s expectations cause she left quite early. Recently the same thing happened again, but this time it was another girl. This girl was nicer but nothing happened this time either.

    I think quite bad about this. My feeling is that my buddy`s gf (as I have known for a couple of years myself) somehow feels sorry about me and in this way try to match me with some of her friends. But that is not what I want and I am not ready for anything yet. But I don´t really know how to handle this and how to say it to them without making them sad. Cause both of them is very good friends.

    Thanks
     
  2. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member

    I don't think she feels sorry for you. She's probably happy right now and wishes you the same. She must like you, otherwise she wouldn't want you around her friends. Perhaps she's concerned that you are thinking too much about your ex-gf and thinks some diversion from that would do you well.

    The way she went about it isn't exactly right, though.

    Just ask them to meet - just you and the two of them; and tell them that you appreciate her/their good intentions but that this is really not something you need at the moment. Just because they are happy in their relationship right now, doesn't meant that finding the right person is easy. It is certainly impossible when the time isn't right and when you're not ready for it.

    Perhaps the best thing for you would be to meet some new people. Not just women, but a larger mixed group of people you can spend time with, who aren't in any way connected to your ex.

    Your friends girlfriend could organize a get-together with some of her other friends, instead of a blind date for you. I think you would appreciate it more :).

    I think if they see that you are focusing on your happiness and are healing from your breakup, they will let you be.

    Are you over the breakup yet? Are you still thinking about your ex?
     
  3. Wiggyman

    Wiggyman Member

    Yes, she likes me. We known each other for years and we are very good friends. Went also to the same course once upon a time. she makes this for the best of intentions of course, but I don´t feel so happy by the way she does it. I would prefer to meet someone at a party or at work or something. What´s hardest to figure out is how to tell them... or her.

    I do meet a lot of people, mostly guys and we do stuff like watching football and such as.

    I am over the breakup and I feel quite happy, but I am not ready for a new relation yet. And when I meet girls I still use to compare them with my ex, and every time I find my ex better. I guess I have to handle with that.

    By the way, thanks for your reply :)
     
  4. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member


    Just tell her. She has no business meddling in your love life, no matter how noble her intentions are.

    Tell her you know that she's trying to sat you up with someone, that you appreciate her concern but that you just aren't ready for a relationship at the moment and that you're happy with your life as it is. Also mention that at the right time, the right girl will come :)

    Also stop comparing girls to your ex or between themselves. Compare them to yourself (do you think alike, do you like the same things, have the same interests,...).

    Np ;)
     
  5. Wiggyman

    Wiggyman Member

    Most of the Girls I meet don´t share my inerests as my ex did. I know when I meet some who does and who I fancy I take her for who she is. I hope that day will come soon :)
     
  6. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    I agree with Lively for the most part, though, if these people are good friends to you, then it's natural for them to be concerned about you. That in itself is to be respected and appreciated which I'm sure you already do. But since you say they are your good friends(well, the dude's your best bud, right?), you should be able to go up to them face to face and politely but clearly express how you feel about this situation.

    Now, the guy's your best friend, the girl's also your good friend, meaning there's already mutual respect between you and the couple. So, this essentially isn't so much about "how" to go about expressing them, but rather, it's about either you "do", or "don't". You don't have to be all stressed out trying to figure out HOW to let them know without offending them. I mean, they are your friends. As long as you're polite and friendly about it, then you won't offend them. And if they, for some reason, DO get offended even if you're polite about it, then something's up their asses and they need to pull it out of there before talking to you again. But the chance of that happening isn't likely. So, you either DO go up to them and tell them, or you DON'T.

    Good luck. :)
     
  7. Wiggyman

    Wiggyman Member

    Thanks :)

    It´s right he is my best friend since childhood. She is also a good friend mostly cause the two of them have been sticking together for so long time, but even from the education we both attended to...

    I quess I will take up this subject in a humorous way, and polite of course. I Think it´s the best way to do it.
     
  8. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member

    Very good post :).

    Perhaps I should have mentioned some of those things (politeness, being cool about it ,etc..) in my post earlier, but to me it is all really self-evident.

    Good luck.
     
  9. I think u must let her know that you are not ready and you are sensing that she is trying to play a cupid nowadays to find you a love match. Its better if u talk, or else things will go worse for you.....
     
  10. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    You're welcome. I hope it all works out well. :)

    Thanks. :)

    Well, it IS all self-evident... But you know how, in this world, what we might assume is obvious might not necessarily be so to certain people. I think OP understands it so I probably didn't really need to. It's just that it's sort of gotten to be a habit of mine to elaborate on the things I try to explain, lol.
     
  11. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member

    It's a good habit for a forum, saves you from misunderstandings. :2thumbsup:
     
  12. Wiggyman

    Wiggyman Member

    Thanks all of you! I Always find it easier to advise people how to do in different matters, but I find it harder to deal with my own problems and figure out how to do. So I´m very grateful for advises.

    Tomorrow I will meet my half siblings as I havn´t met since I was a kid. I am so nervous.
     

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