So I was on the phone with my friend and we were talking about 2 things. 1) Sex. My boyfriend and I dont really talk about sex...we just do it and thats it. I mean yea there are times that I want to tell him something but i dont know how he will react. Weve been together for 3years. And there are things I dont know if he likes but i know the things he doesnt like. She told me I was odd and that I should talk to him more about it but I know he doesnt. Am I odd? Is there anyway of over coming this fear? 2) Periods. Oh yea we were talking about periods. She told me Im odd because I dont tell my boyfriend when I am on my period. Thats mainly because I dont really like him knowing and also he can usually tell because I do things different when Im on my period. Like usually when Im not on it I leave the bathroom door unlocked when Im taking a shower where as when I am on it I lock the door. And I drink either soda or water where as when im not on it i usually drink tea or water. I guess Im just odd. Idk
1. you should be able to suggest or take charge in the bedroom, not that you have to, but you should be able to feel comfortable saying "flip me over!" or something like that. if you feel like your sex life is in a rut, get/make something like a sexy spinner, or sexy dice. then you can start with "lets do something different." its good that you know the things he doesn't like. your friend shouldn't call you odd for it though. thats why i disagree so strongly with what they call 'sex ed' in school. its not and education about sex, thats for damn sure. my mom told me, and would still tell me, anything i want to know, and most people don't have that benefit. there are ways to break the ice, and add spice. think of it, if you are 18 and you've been together 3 years, then you both are stuck in a 15 year old (or whenever you took the relationship to the next level, i was 16 but i don't presume to know your life) sexual mentality. you are learning together, and you have to remember that. hit up barnes and noble, you can buy "The Joy of Sex" and read it together, laughing at the very 70's pictures (i read it when i was 5, it was on the coffee table) and there is one book, i can't remember the name, where it turns spicing up your sex life into a secret mission. mission for him (open top secret packet) acquire fondue set and strawberries and melting chocolate. naked fondue night. just think of something you want to try, and a way to express it. a treasure hunt to find you naked is good, with suggestive clues of course. 2. again, your friend shouldn't tell you you are odd. some women are not comfortable at that time of the month. being open about it is not a requirement. if he knows when you are, then thats fine. personally i am less subtle about it. i go "honey, guess what? i'm not pregnant!" im on birth cotrol too, so its really just a code we developed. i say "im not pregnant" and he knows not to try and have sex with me until its passed. its hard to talk to guys about these things because they have no idea. i was hanging out with a friend who just had a baby, and she was having a smoke in the bathroom with the window open like some kind of criminal and i was keeping her company. enter our baby daddy's father. we continue talking about babies and breastmilk and other non masculine things, and then apologize because its probably awkward, hes only in there to smoke. he says "no, its more interesting than what the guys are talking about." this is a guy who has been married, had a kid, just became a grandfather, and he is surprised to learn about female stuff! it should be taught in school, to the boys too. you should never be made to feel bad about the way you feel. if you feel uncomfortable, then thats valid. we are all different. in any case remember that your boyfriend probably has no idea how your body works, or that there is more to bedroom antics than missionary. of course, this is coming from someone who found her parents sex swing in the closet, your situation is likely different.
Relationships evolve and people change. If it's not the way you like it then gently move things in your direction. Always with love miracles do happen.
lol. everyone is a little odd to someone. i don't think either of those things are odd, but perhaps you are just a little too shy.
I think every relationship should have open lines of communication when it deals with sex (or anything else for that matter). Speaking from experience, if you don't talk then someone will probably be unhappy or unfulfilled... eventually. Without talking then both people just assume the sex is fine. If it is that's all good, but if not, then resentment might set in later on. A strong relationship can withstand polite criticism or compliments, suggestions and openness about what each other wants . As for your period, that's up to you. IMO I think that a little warning before sex would be a good idea, unless he's ok with intercourse during your period. Most guys understand it's just part of us being a woman and it happens monthly. Unless he's really squeemish about it don't worry.
I just dont know how to bring up the whole sex thing to him because I dont know what to say. With my period he is very understanding and usually knows when Im on it. I just dont really like telling him
i think your difficulty communicating these things comes from a cultural based shame in female function and roles. sorta like ladies not farting in public and such. so if either of these things are bothering you, perhaps you should work on accepting yourself as a woman and that the "icky" parts of being a woman are not actually icky.
agree. ik what its like to have trouble communicating about sex. id advise you to start small. when hes doing something you like, say "i like that", if you dont like it, ask him to try it a little different. or tell him before sex that you would like to hear what he especially likes. also, getting a book and reading it together is a great idea. as for telling him when youre on your period... i cant imagine being awkward about that lol. i have no qualms about saying "im on my rag" or "i started bleeding today". i also complain about cramps constantly. why does telling him make you uncomfortable?
