Are looks all that really matter?

Ok, so here´s my situation:

I have this female friend, called let´s say Maria. We´ve been friends for over a year now, she´s just a wonderfull 23 year old woman, charming, cool, fun, interesting etc etc. She has this boyfriend which she´s in love with, that´s not the issue.

The thing is, a few months back Maria told me that she wouldn´t hook me up with one of her female friends because she finds it weird and forced, and I totally understood that and took it well, after all, blind dates and arrangements of the sort can be a bit forced.

A coupple of weeks ago I heard her talking over the phone with a friend of hers, she was saying that she had a male acquaintance that she found very handsome that asked her (Maria) if she had a female friend to introduce her for him. So she (Maria) went on explaining that she showed pictures of her (her friend) to the Handsome guy (let´s say Mr.H). So Maria basically hooked two strangers on a date, almost. I remember she kept saying to her friend "If Mr.H askes you out, DONT SAY NO". Mr.H is a friend of Maria´s boyfriend.

So, we were on the couch watching TV while this conversation took place, and I swear to god I never felt so hurt in MY LIFE. I was hurt because she hooked Mr.H on a date with her friend, and not me, a TRUE friend of hers, someone she knows much better.

My question is, why didn´t she think of me when trying to hook her friend with someone? Does she thinks that i´m not attractive enough for her friends, and that´s why she introduced Mr.H instead of me to her friend?

I´m so hurt... God damn. I know I should be a man about it and suck it up, but it just sucks so much, to even get help from friends you have to be handsome, jesus. The irony is huge, Mr.H, a handsome guy gets all the help in the world, and me, a normal looking dude can´t get help from one of my best friends...

Any thoughts or experiences are GREATLY appreciated, I hope you understood what I´ve been trying to say, english is not my forte.

 

I am sorry but pretty only goes so far in my book.Not all of us can be model's.

 

For some shallow folks out there yes looks are all that matters! Their problem really, because they are missing out on meeting some really great people and possibly some really great experiences. As for your friend just straight up ask her about it and see what she has to say for herself.

 

It seems that young people care more about looks. They only want the beautiful people even if they are worthless.

When they grow up a bit they go for more substance. Or they don't, and end up divorced and wondering why it didn't work out. Some idiots never learn.

Don't worry about what your friend did. Sounds like she wants her friend to date her bf's friend so they can hang out. And maybe she would be jealous if her friend dated you.

 

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!

 

Not all young people go by looks. Infact I don't think I've ever been with someone I found really attractive, I much prefer personality. I think my partner is gorgeous but not so much his looks, its his personality I'm in love with, not how he looks on the outside (dont get me wrong, he's also good looking in my eyes, but that doesn't matter when it comes down to attraction for me)..

Maybe blind dates just aren't your thing, or maybe she thinks that those two would suit and hasn't found someone you'd suit yet. Ask her why.

 

she probably just wants to keep you as her gay friend and thinks that you getting a girlfriend would get in the way of it.

 

Ultimately you'd have to ask her why and point out the double-inconsistency with what you witnessed on the couch.

And as for your question, no looks are not all that matter. But depending on the friends and social circles you hang with, yes it can on a micro-level, because you have superficial friends in the department of attraction/sex/love, at least for now.


Young people ( early teens-mid-twenties) can be shallow as ****. Personally, I've also found that if you live in a town or area whose economy is closely tied to the entertainment industry, looks matter so many times over more, than if you didn't live near say Los Angeles, CA.

There's a reason that town's meaning is "the city of lost angels". So many good people have been sucked into the void that kills yourself esteem there.

----

But I should note an inconsistency in your story.

She never set her girlfriend up with "Mr.H", she just told her girlfriend to accept IF "Mr.H" asked her friend out. Meaning probably in your friend's mind, she didn't set anything up at all, she left the control to her friend during the moment of accept/reject.

 

Monkjr:
I didn´t tell the whole story, sorry, here it goes:
Maria was at a party, and Mr.H went to her and asked her if she had a friend to introduce to him, she said yes and showed him the facebook profile of her friend, Mr.H showed interest, Maria told him to add her friend on facebook, and then went to call her friend on that day to make sure there was a green light.

I know I know, it wasn´t specifically "You two should go out for drinks friday night" but it was a pretty done deal from my perspective. "Hey, Mr.H wanted to know if i had a friend to hook him up with and i mentioned you, he totally wants to date you, he´s sooo handsome, say yes", boom, done deal.

She made clear a few months back that arranging dates or similar stuff was too forced and she would do that only in cases of extreme desperation, for example if her friends turn 30 and are still single.

It just sucks that when a handsome anyone asks for an arrangement or hook ups he inmediately gets one, and Maria knows I´ve been single for a long time, not having lots of dates, and still she doesn´t consider me as a potential boyfriend or companion for her friends. It just hurts.

Anyway, I have to be a man about it... If she thinks I´m not good enough for her friends just because of looks then bad for them. Nothing is easy, nothing is given for free... The whole situation sucks though.

 

Illidan, I'm going to toss in my .02 worth here. Your friend is NOT YOUR FRIEND!

I don't blame you for having hurt feelings. Anybody that is in the least "normal" would be hurt. That she thought to do this IN FRONT OF YOU shows (to me anyway) just how self-involved and shallow she must be. I understand if this may not be what you want to hear, and I am truly sorry. But really, if this gal is interested only in what appears to be outwardly "beautiful people", I promise you, you need to DITCH her, and find another friend. Seriously.

And not to sound too cliche here, but since she obviously wants you to think she is your friend, there is definitely another "friend" out there for you...but one who will be what they claim.

 

Oh ok well then call her on it.

But outside of tunnelvision here, it might be a couple of the following scenarios:

1. Your female friend is/are prostituting themselves within a closed circuit and she doesn't want you mixed into that. Since she knows you want a real relationship. (What you witnessed was a customer and handler speaking in code)


2. There's something about your personality that she's predicting won't work right with ___ friend. Maybe she it's not her standards, maybe it's she knows her friend's standards. (remember it's important not to shoot the messenger)

 

"2. There's something about your personality that she's predicting won't work right with ___ friend. Maybe she it's not her standards, maybe it's she knows her friend's standards. (remember it's important not to shoot the messenger)"

I´ll just go with that, it wasn´t very nice of her to have that conversation in front of me but I always try my best to look at all the possibilities and explanations before jumping to conclusions.

Thanks to everyone that chipped in, all of you were very kind, I appreciate that. I got all the answers I wanted and needed. Peace and let´s hope for the best.

 

shit, i'm just over a year from extreme desperation...

 

Maybe she didn't think the other person was good enough 4 you or that you would not be compatible. Like others have said though I would just straight up ask her what the deal is.

Again looks only get you so far in life & they don't last 4ever either!! IMO you can take a rich beautiful person , but if they have a bad attitude & personality that makes them ugly in my book.

A lot of time too people who think they are super hot are as dumb as a box of rocks, no offense to anyone, but I have that is the case a lot of times. I know I don't wana be with someone that I can't hold down a conversation with.

Don't get me wrong in a serious relationship I think to make all aspects of it work there has to be some kind of physical attraction , but looks are not everything, Personality & honesty are two big things as well.

I hope everything works out well 4 you, again just ask your friend what is going & ask her up front. If she is a true & honest friend she won't mind you asking & will tell you the truth.

Good Luck!!!

 

Maybe she didn't think the other person was good enough 4 you or that you would not be compatible. Like others have said though I would just straight up ask her what the deal is.

Again looks only get you so far in life & they don't last 4ever either!! IMO you can take a rich beautiful person , but if they have a bad attitude & personality that makes them ugly in my book.

A lot of time too people who think they are super hot are as dumb as a box of rocks, no offense to anyone, but I have that is the case a lot of times. I know I don't wana be with someone that I can't hold down a conversation with.

Don't get me wrong in a serious relationship I think to make all aspects of it work there has to be some kind of physical attraction , but looks are not everything, Personality & honesty are two big things as well.

I hope everything works out well 4 you, again just ask your friend what is going & ask her up front. If she is a true & honest friend she won't mind you asking & will tell you the truth.

Good Luck!!!

 

Can I offer the possibility that it has nothing to do with your looks.

She declined to hook up two of her friends. She did hook one of those friends up with a (relative) stranger.

In both cases, the relationship is not going to last.
If the relationship is between two friends, she will have to choose between them.
If the relationship is between friend and stranger, choosing the friend will be easy.

I think that something in that direction is more a more likely explanation of her behavior than that you aren't handsome enough.

 

Don't stress over your looks. Money and status will take you much farther with women than looks will. That's not to say looks can't help. But I'll take money, status, and personality over looks any day. So focus on those things you can change/improve. You can't really change the genetics you're delt, so try not to stress over something you can't really control.

As for your "friend" not hooking you up. We can only speculate. But as others alluded to, she's probably not as good a friend as you believe. Otherwise she'd probably want to hook you up. Unless it was a jealousy thing, but that doesn't appear to be the case.

 

Hmm now that I think of it, as a guy I've been in that situation only just switch around the genders here.

It is awkward to set up a friend with someone, if you have a high suspicion that your friend is going to get used or hurt. The "cupid" doesn't want to be in a situation where the friend is going to blame them for setting them up with a total rapist/abuser/manipulative bastard-bitch.

Strangers are very easy to brush off without much emotional hurt. It's just business with them with less personal liability.

 

Well...not yet. I'm sure somewhere in a dark scientific lab somewhere someone has figured it out. But you can bet the procedure is in the billions if not trillions of dollars and complications might arise.

But if you want to be the first to test out the procedure when it comes out feel free after signing the wavier.

 

Maybe she feels awkward setting you up because you know her. Or maybe she doesn't want to because she's conflicted about shit and wants you to herself.... Or maybe you should just ask her.