are all men this way?

after 11 years i told my bf & father of my 2 boys that we are through. i explained to him that for years i have been unhappy & that i couldn't go on like that anymore. i told him i found someone else that i fell in love with, granted it was one of our friends. now, he is making me feel like i'm destroying our family. let me tell you a little about my babys daddy, he has a disability called cmt that causes him great pain, but he manages to spend on average 12 hours a day sitting on his computer playing role playing games. he hardly makes time for one son except to yell at him & send him to his room. the other son he treats like gold & can do no wrong. he does not take the time to go out to play with them or even play inside with them, doesn't try to teach them in anyway shape or form. there has been a lot of bad blood in our relationship for years now, and we are both at fault ~~~ neither one of us have been perfect. but the real kicker for me is that even though i'm telling him over & over & over again the door is always going to be open for him to come see the boys whenever he wants ~~ he says its bullshit, visitation isn't good enough for him. he wants all or nothing. i either keep him around or he leaves & never sees the kids again. i find that very unfair to our children. has anybody out there had an experience like this? how did you handle it? any advice from anybody male & female alike would be very appreciated.

peace & love to all,
twist

 

I am going to move this to the Relationships forum. Good question, but this is not a common situation for most womyn.

 

that to me is a rather typical response from men atleast in the beginning of a breakup...

sure it seems unfair but at the same time it probably seems unfair to him what you are telling him,,,, i am sure that your stating that you fell in love with someone else while still with him helped the situation alot as well especially since it was a "friend", you have fallen for....

you yourself stated that it was both your faults etc etc,,,, you have stated how you feel n your side but have you even bothered to really sit n listen to him either.....

yes i have been through it,,, am still goin through it,,, tis what happens when man n woman have children n put them in the midst of all the BS we drag them into... now its up to you to keep it all together without skrooin the kids up more than they already are because ya brought them into the mess. good luck..
luv n lite

 

honestly, someone who tries to blackmail you, to manipulate you into staying with him doesn't deserve to see his sons if he's going to be so immature about it. He sounds like a user to me - uses people to get what he wants out of them.

He may claim all or nothing now, but down the road somewhere he'll probably come around and want to visit with his sons.. it just may not be within the first few months of you two seperating

 

Thats why girls shouldn't date "men" who play roleplaying games.

 

i want to let everybody know i told my ex over a month ago that we were done. he just hung around, refusing to go anywhere. 2 days ago i told him about the other person, so it's not like this happened whilw we were still together. granted that doesn't justify it, but after 11 years of a nonworking relationship, don't i deserve to try and find happiness for me & my boys???? why can't he see that?

thank everyone for your input~~~ it's nice to have people to listen to my rant...

peace & love to all,
twist

 

oh i wasnt meanin anything by what i said,,, more looking through his eyes,,,, its a common thing with people in general to jump to all sortsa confusion in the beginning of something and it takes time to cool down,,,,

if the relationship aint worked for 11 years then i am figgering things have been said through the years by one or the other in regards to leaving splitting up etc etc,,,, so after 11 years why would one take the other seriously when finally they actually mean what they are saying,,,,

 

i knew that dilligaf ~~~ i just realized that i never did mention that fact in my 1st post.... but seriously when you tell someone your through & you love another what the hell does it take to make the other person understand????

 

not sure of the circumstances but sometimes it takes actually moving on yourself if the other doesnt get it n leave,,,,, i was the one that had to do the leavin in my situation,,, he woulda just lived as we was forever,,, he didnt care,,, i was the one that packed up n left most everything behind to start anew,,,

 

For 11 years you lived with him. You bore him two sons. Then you suddenly tell him you don't love him and expect him to turn his emotions on a dime??
I doubt that it was as sudden as I made it sound, but your description didn't include anything about the two of you talking about your growing dissatisfaction.

He is reacting in shock. As he gets used to your (to him) sudden abandonment of your marriage, he will start to make sensible plans for your divorce, rather than the bluster that he is currently spouting.

 

bullshit. There's nothing wrong with playing the occasional RPG

it's when you get obsessed or addicted that there's a problem

 

it is a very common situation sadly ...it is called CONTROL,CONTROL,CONTROL.........my wife works for a shelter for abused women and she would agree with me .......it's probably the ultimate of role playing ....i control you ...my way or no way ............unfortunately too many people in our society play this game ..and not just guys

 

tuatara thank you for being a man and realizing that. every time i try to explain to him that he's trying to control or manipulate me he flips out & tells me i'm crazy & don't know what i'm talking about.... or he chalks it up to the crazy canadien blood coursing through my veins....

peace & love to all,
twist

 

methinks there is more of this story to be told

 

i let an rpg destroy my last relationship. it didn't have anything to do with control, it's just that i wasted entirely way to much of what short time we have on this rock devoted to a video game instead of my loved ones and family.

i no longer play rpgs, i've gotten things more prioritized in my life now and realize how bad i fucked myself out of 2 years and a loving wife. hopefully your man will do the same at some point, if only for himself and his kids... you're really strong to have stuck with him this long, he's going to have to grow up at some point.

peace & love
--hunda

 

My circle of RPG friends are all in our 30s; we all have careers and most of us have healthy relationships. They're no different from any other hobby, and if you'd rather play them for 12 hours a day than snuggle with your woman, something's wrong with you and it ain't the RPGs.

And if he would be willing to totally abandon his kids entirely and not be with them at all, for no other reason than to force the continuation of a relationship, he has no respect for you, his kids, or himself.

 

ok all hows this for fucked up~~~~ the boys dad got his train ticket for fla , he leaves saturday, he's informed me that once he gets on the train, there is no looking back. he plans on visiting his sister & nephew and then traveling to new orleans to die. he hasn't eaten in over a week & can barely function. i can understand a breakup & seperating from your kids is tough, but what the hell is he trying to prove??? why is he tring to put his blood on my hands??? i've begged him not to go through with it but he keeps telling me he needs to atone for his sins. i don't know what all to think about this now..... any words of wisdom from you kind souls???


peace & love to all,
twist

 

i dont really know what to tell you to do but i do feel for ya and send a huge HUG your way....... hope everything works out for ya.

 

Yep there's always three parts:
Part 1 - your side
Part 2 - my side
Part 3 - The Truth/the Whole Truth/nothing but the Truth

Still find the differences absolutely amazing at Times...

 

andcrs2~~ thank you so much, your comment is so enlightening