appetite suppressants???

Unfortunately, I completely and totally understand pretty much everything you said.

It feels horrible to not be able to see what other people see in me. I am not one of those fucking emo kids who hates their life, or themself... I like myself for the most part, and I have a good life... but there some dissatisfaction I have with myself in some respect that I'm still trying to figure out.

Are you a perfectionist, lucy? Don't be offended by me asking that, I didn't ask because you don't sound like it or anything like that, I only asked because I am, and if you think you might be then maybe that's the reason you get these little phase or something?

And by perfectionism, I don't mean vain, not at all. See, even when I was little, in school or something, I always felt I could do "better" than what I had already done. If I got an A-, I HAD to make it an A or an A+ before I could feel better about myself. And once I would achieve that I would feel sort of lost, and find something else to improve. It's weird... Anyway, I really feel that's a big part of why I deal with feeling similar to how you do.

People will tell me I'm pretty, and it's not that I think I'm hideous, I just think "Pfft... I could look better. Or I could work out more. " or something like that.

*shrugs*

 

i'm not a perfectionist but i strive to always try to be what other people want me to be, or what i think they want me to be anyways......it's really weird because i look at myself and i think yeah im pretty hot sometimes but then something will happen and it can be the most minor thing, ie- bad hair day, getting a huge zit, over eating, boyfriend agreeing that a girl is attractive, someone saying "you should do your hair this way instead" and it's like i turn into this monster who hates herself, more specifically the way i look, more than i've ever hated anything....and it can last for days. I'll get in this huge slump where i just think disgustingly about myself and my life.......but just like you said, i'm not some emo cry baby, i love my life, I'm still genuinely nice and caring without expecting anything in return.......i think im pretty cool and i see what i have and im so grateful.

i dont even know if im making sense anymore i'm mostly just rambling..........
but i'm never satisfied with myself, i punish myself so much for things that are beyond my control and even harder for things that i CAN control but chose not to. i feel like it's taking the life out of me.

like, have you ever gotten high and you get these thoughts in your head, and it's like some random thing someone says while you're high and you think about it and analyze it over and over and over again???? and you're like "what did this person mean? why did they say it like that? why why why?? what what what?" Well that's what i'm like ALL the time.
It's mass insecurity and i don't know how to get rid of it. What do i do? what do i say to myself? How do iget comfortable in my own skin??? How do i make it better without taking extreme measures???? I do not want to be this girl anymore. I dont enjoy it, no one else enjoys it. aghh!!1 it's frustrating. lol

 

aww, yes that makes perfect sense... to me anyway. Maybe not sense in a "correct" way, but I understand it.

I'm that way a lot too... like, my dad told me a couple months that my arms are naturally just built a little bigger than a lot of girls, and I couldn't stop obsessing about how my arms looked then. I started lifting weights, like doing the little arm curl exercises because I started feeling so badly about them. Which isn't UNhealthy really, but the pattern of thinking is unhealthy, rather.

Anyway,
I'm not sure how you get rid of it, because I'm still struggling with it... and I think it's not something that goes away, but rather it's something you have to learn to control. I think those thoughts and feelings will always be there, because it's probably part of your personality and how you "digest" the world around you... but getting it under control IS possible. I can't give you advice on how to, because I deal with the same thing, but I do know it's possible.

I think for some people it might just be a matter of time and life experience... I'm sure you have learned how to control things, or how to cope with things, etc. along the way without anyone telling you how to, sometimes you just figure it out... and then I think for other people it takes an outside reference for help.

Most of the time, all I need to do to deal with it is vent about it somewhere or to someone, or on paper..whatever; because as I talk about things, I learn things about myself...and the more you know about the reasons you do things or think things, etc. the easier it's going to be to find a solution to dealing with it.

I am constantly having epiphonies as I talk to my boyfriend, or write in my journal about things, because when I actually SAY something then it's like "ohhhh THAT'S why I do this...." or something. You know?

If you think you already have a good idea where it's all coming from and just need to get it under control a little more, maybe look into talking to a counselor... no need for like, a psychologist or anything, but just a counselor/therapist who can give you ideas.

Or, find someone who has conquered a similar experience and try things that they might have.

I could give you a million and one tips on other types of things, but this is one thing I'm having the most difficulty dealing with.

*hugs*

 

I discovered Yerba Mate (Tea) a few months ago and it might be something you may want to consider.

The first time I drank it, I was having a terrible day. After one cup of the tea, I felt a lot better, even good enough to go clubbing with some girls from school (something I wouldn't normally do).

For me the effects are quite mild, but noticeable.

Health Benefits of Yerba Mate
boosting immunity
detoxifying the body
reducing blood pressure
toning the nervous system
controlling appetite
curing insomnia
retarding aging
reducing fever
lifting your spirits

My only beef with Yerba Mate was that it tasted gross at first. I'm used to it now though.

And Yoga, I haven't gone to a studio or anything yet, but I know a few positions and I always feel great after.

 

Ritalin works well for me.