Anybody have trouble Forgiving?

Do you struggle forgiving someone?

 

yes, lots. I'm also judgmental quite often when I'd like not to be. I'm a bastard.

 

I can never forgive myself. Ever.


I forgive others when they deserve it, I think.

 

Its hard to forgive someone. but no matter how bad they were to you youv got to forgive them, for yourself. It messes with you head being angry all the time. you cant move on until you just dont care about them anymore

 

Forgiveness to me lies on a spectrum, its not a black and white situation to me. In terms of forgiving someone I may be at odds with or I felt hurt me I am very forgiving in the sense of keeping in contact with them somehow, but in terms of staying open and letting them into my life im quite unforgiving and have been told more than once quite cold (among an assortment of other colorful names)

 

If someone really hurts my feelings, then I just ignore them for the rest of their and my lives. It's simple.

I have better things to do than talk to dishonest or hurtful people. But it has to be bad, otherwise I do sulk for a while, but I tend not to let it show.

 

I feel that forgiving just makes it ok for others to treat you like shit again???

 

Yes.I never forget anything. Disloyalty is the one.

 

well in this situation its not really disloyalty,its more like when someone pisses you the fck off and you know they will never change because that who they claim they are. How do you deal with that?? Do i need to forgive forever??

 

Nope

you chop their head off.

 

I once heared Carrie Fischer say "Holding resentment is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die." After forgiving my cousin for molesting me as a kid forgiveness has become really easy. That doesn't mean being a schmuck and allowing them do it continuously. Often it calls for a change in dynamic.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

I love that quote.

I still haven't forgiven my dad, or the world for my fucked up childhood - I know it wasn't his fault he got addicted to alcohol, when America was/is in denial that it's a drug, but I haven't forgiven him yet.
Or maybe I don't forgive him for dying.
I dunno.

But the quote seems to explain much of my life, really.

I hold this resentment for the way my childhood was, and it just eats me away inside.

Maybe I'm not as good at forgiving as I thought =P

 

My spirit guide Deanna got me fired from my job in another state seven years ago. Now she posts sexy photos of herself for me and I chat with her on the phone and send her email hugs. But that's partly because I know she's my spirit guide and I have a pretty good idea of why she did what she did on the spiritual level. And to be totally honest: It's very hard sometimes to have fun with her, because I'm still wary. And she uses my wariness to keep building me up spiritually...

Obviously this is a very unique relationship. I think forgiveness is one thing, but you need to decide whether you can continue having the same relationship with them as before. In some cases, if you know someone won't change and you can't live with the way they are, you just need to let the relationship go. In other cases maybe you can adapt, get a thicker skin, turn situations into jokes and laugh about it, or whatever. Each situation needs to be judged on its own merits.

 

I have no trouble as increasingly the world is filled with flowers.

 

I don't mean to sound like I don't know what the right thing to do is,I do. I've read books but its the process of the emotional roller coaster that messes with me:/ And also not wanting to forgive because sometimes its just feels easier.

 

sometimes i do have stories in my head that i kill them :frown:

 

In my experience i see this most. It does depend on the age and maturity of the person.

I have strong feelings for loyalty. I believe that when people break it hurtfully and carelessly they wont care for you or another certain individual again, unless it hurt them. By then its to late though.

I don't wanna say i can't forgive people, its just that....i don't want to once im fucked over. Small or large reasons.

 

I have no problems with forgiveness.

When it is over an issue that is appropriate...

Molest a child, abuse a partner, or animal... ZERO forgiveness...
Look me in the eye, give me your word and then break it... ZERO forgiveness
Steal from someone who has little or nothing in the first place... ZERO forgiveness

Part of it for me, is simply just that some things (such as abuse) you don't forgive them, you make DAMN sure they can never do it again to ANYONE.

In terms of things like partners cheating, people breaking their word and such, forgiveness, as in not being pissed off with them, is automatic after a calming period, but they will NEVER be trusted again.

Simple fact is that although everyone in the world CAN lie, cheat and steal, not all do. Those that do them, show that they are capable of making the decision to do so. Why would you ever accept anything they say again?

The response about forgiveness teaching people bad lessons is 100% accurate.

If your partner cheats on you for example, and you forgive them, you have just taught them that you will forgive them for cheating on you. You can kick them out and not have anything to do with them for 6 months to 'punish' them, but if you take them back, you have just taught them that they are allowed to cheat on you, and you will eventually forgive them for it... You shouldn't be shocked when they do it again.

 

I don't have the energy to hold grudges for long, there isn't any point to it. If someone hurts me I do try to forgive them, but the trust is likely to be gone.

That said, just because one forgives, it doesn't mean that friendship can continue. There are people who I have forgiven for various things, but we are no longer friends.

 

i find it easy to forgive someone if they admit that what they did was wrong... if they don't admit it, there is nothing to forgive them for, so i just move on.... i don't hold onto anger, i just accept things the way they are...