Any cure for this pain?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Neonate, Jan 22, 2005.

  1. Neonate

    Neonate Member

    I never really believed it when people said that "Love hurts" but now I know it myself and Im wondering...whats the best way to get rid of this pain? The girl I like does not like me but I still love her and Im in constant pain because she doesnt talk to me or she talks to some other guy...I have this physical pain in my chest that hurts so much and sometimes I feel really hollow in my chest and I get depressed and just feel like curling up into a ball and crying...

    Is there any way to get rid of this?
     
  2. apple seed

    apple seed Member

    sweet hart, all i can tell you to do is cry and roll into that ball. cry and cry and cry some more intill you can't anymore, than cry some more. it is really the only thing that you can do to mend a broken hart. i know when my first love dumed me the fist one is always the hardest. i would try to avoid this girl, try not to be arond her so she does not make you feel this way. try to hang out with your friends and do things that you injoy. try to focues on you, and heal. we all must go thru this it is jest a part of life. almost anyone knowes what you are going thru. and if thay don't thay will. love does not always hurt but it can sting quite a bit.

    love and blessings apple seed.
     
  3. Neonate

    Neonate Member

    thanks for the reply :) its really weird but i've been trying to talk to this girl many times (like yesterday in school I tried to talk to her many times and all I got out of her was some mumbling and she looked at me pretty angrily) and today a friend of her talked with me through msn messenger and she had asked the girl I like "Whats going on with Tomi"? (Tomi = me :)) and the girl I like answered "dunno...he doesnt speak to me" which I found to be a very weird answer because i've tried to talk to her many times but it never works...I've been crying over her so many times....damn you love!
     
  4. ZePpeLinA

    ZePpeLinA Jump around!

    i'm so sorry to hear you're so hurt. yeah it's kinda true that love hurts, it does indeed! but pain can only make you stronger. As Apple seed says above, the best you can do is let your sadness out...your tears will help you clean your spirit and will make the pain a wee bit less...I'm sorry I dont know what else to say, only that from my experience time heals all. hopefully you'll feel better soon. Take care.
     
  5. Sebbi

    Sebbi Senior Member

    You have 2 options, and both will get rid of the pain:


    1. Go with it

    or

    2. Resist it.

    If you resist it you will become numb and that'll be an anastetic, so you'll feel fine on some levels and you'll experience tempory happiness. Everyone around you will still see that there is something wrong and eventually you will have to face the pain and this time it might be worse, it might not.

    It has the danger of rotting inside you if you resist.

    If you go with it then you will cry, you will feel pain but you (and remember this, because it's the most important thing to help you through) you will ultimately feel alive. You will go through potentially hell on earth in terms of loneliness and suffering but you'll get to the otherside a happier, healthier, stronger, wiser and generally better off person.

    For me it's an easy choice but that's because I'm an artist and an artist has to face everything that comes their way (internally especially), experience it with entheusiasm and turn it into something beautiful.

    I'm actually in a similar situation to you. I'm absolutely mad about someone and she said no. I've just decided to not make any effort to hide it, and to be myself around her, my only restriction on being myself is that I'm not allowing myself to be any more affectionate than hugging (i.e. resisting the amazing urge to kiss her cheek and neck). At first it was really awkward but now we're fine, we just have a really comfortable friendship and that makes me so happy. I'm honest with the fact that I love her (although I've avoided using that particular phrase [for reasons of alienation and emotional complication on her part] but more to describe how I feel in my chest) and I talk about it with her in a matter-of-fact way, and I think she's really appriciating it.

    In practical terms you have 2 choices:

    1. Stop at nothing to make her yours.

    2. Move on.

    This I can't advise you on expect to say that if you go for it then do so with bravery (i.e. the ability to strive without fear of failure and to be aware that it's not going to be an easy ride).

    If you move on, do so without a trace of cowardice (i.e. not excepting the challenge that life has set you).

    My final point is this: On the same day my beloved said no I read the bit in the Alchemist (Paulo Coelho) where the boy has all his money stolen. This means that he has nothing to get back to his homeland with and nothing to by any sheep even if he could get across. He realised that he had 2 choices (and this is how to view the world, not how to respond to the world itself).

    He could either view the world as cruel for limiting everything he had and feel like a victim of fate, or he could be an adventurer searching for treasure.

    I realised that I have a similar choice: rejected lover or adventurer searching for love.

    I chose the adventurer.

    It appears to me that you've already made that decision without realising you have the option of the adventurer searching for love. I strongly suggest you reevaluate that.

    That descision doesn't directly alter the way events play out but it alters you internally (in particular happiness levels).

    I'll leave you with a quote from Kahlil Gibran, who was also in a similar situation and was in love with a women called Mary for most of his life but she always insisted they had a strictly platonic relationship

    If you make the choices I have then this will help you a heck of a lot, this is what I live by at the moment:

    "When Love Beckons, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep.
    When love enfolds you, yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
    When love speaks to listen to him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

    And as he crowns you, so he shall crucify you.
    As he is your growth so he is your pruning.
    As he ascends to your tallest heights and caresses your tenderest branches as they quiver in the sun,
    so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
    And like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself,
    threshes you to make you naked,
    sifts you to free you from your husks,
    grinds you to your whiteness,
    kneads you to make you pliant,
    and assigns you to the sacred fire, to make sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

    And all of this shall love do to you so that you may know the secrets of your heart,
    and in this knowledge become a fragment of life's heart.

    But if in your fear you would only seek love's peace and love's pleasure then let you cover your nakedness and pass out of the threshing floor and be swept into the seasonless land where you will laugh but not all your laughter and cry but not all your tears.

    Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
    Love posseses not nor would be possesed;
    For love is sufficiant unto love.

    When you love yo should not say, 'God is in my heart,' but rather, 'I am in the heart of God.'
    And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, it it finds you worthy, directs your course.

    Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
    But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires.
    To melt like a running brook that sings its melodie to the night.
    To know the pain of too much tenderness.
    To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
    And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
    To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
    To rest at the noon hour and meditate love ecstasy;
    To return home at eventide with gratitude;
    And then to sllep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."

    Best of wishes to you

    Sebbi
     
  6. Neonate

    Neonate Member

    Thanks for the big advice :) I think i've already started to let the sadness out by crying and usually after crying I feel much better. I am just wondering here that next month there will be a valentines day schooldance and a friend of the girl I love asked me if I'm coming there. So I decided that i'll go there because something might happen with the girl I like...sometimes when I see the girl I like in school I feel like grabbing her and hugging her and when I think that I have her in my arms makes everything feel better and yesterday I felt really hurt for some odd reason because I saw the girl I like talking to this jerk guy and at the moment I saw them sitting together and talking I felt like someone hit me in my chest with a sledgehammer and I had to leave the room...It took me about 5 minutes and a glass of water till I could even breath normally and I felt so bad...Then when I heard what she had said to her friend about me (that I dont talk with her) instantly my heart started beating very fast and my face turned red and my hands started sweatting a lot and this all was just from hearing what she had said...Why is it that my body does these things? sometimes I feel like she is controlling my body and my emotions because she can make me happy or depressed and she can hurt me very badly physically or make me fly through the air and feel like dancing...feel like a slave to her
     
  7. Hikaru Zero

    Hikaru Zero Sylvan Paladin

    Sebbi:

    Wise words from a wise man ... you are a great inspiration. =)
     

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