With the recent events of my life unfolding, I can't stop thinking about where to go from here. I met this guy named Brock about a year ago through mutual friends. We were both doing our own thing at the time, but there was a mutual attraction between us. When I was home from college for the summer, we started talking and eventually became more than just friends. We both knew I had to come back to school, which is 9 hours away. After this semester, I only have two left... and we all know how fast time flies. At this time next year, I'll be getting ready to graduate if all goes as planned. I'll have my BA, which has been a dream of mine since I was a kid. I feel so blessed to be here in my very own apartment right now, about to go to class in a little while, and then work. I love it that I have this opportunity to be in such a charming place experiencing and accomplishing new things. This weekend, I did something that I've never done before. I drove the 9 hours to my hometown all by myself! Why?? Because Brock invited me to go to the lake with his family. So I drove all the way there, and I had to keep it a secret from my family because I knew my mom wouldn't approve of me going on such an adventure. But I think I really like this guy, and I want to find out just how much. So I went, and we had a wonderful time. It made me like him more than I already did. We went out on the boat, jumped off of some cliffs into the water, rode a jet ski (which I've never done before), drank beer, made love and best of all, he cooked me some delicious shrimp. I met some new people and had a great time! Ever since I've returned to school, he has called me every day, and we have long conversations. I think it's the fun of getting to know someone better that keeps the thrill alive sometimes. But now the problem. We've had a couple of talks where I asked him what's really going on with us. I asked him before I left if he was going to be seeing other girls while I'm away. He really seemed so into me that his answer was unexpected. He said "I can't make you any promises." Okay?? He said "You never know what can happen." Alright??? Fine, I see where you're coming from... I guess. He has been in a long distance relationship before and knows how difficult they can be. I've never been in a long distance relationship before, so I don't have that kind of experience. So I do take that into consideration for him. But at the same time, if he can't separate that situation from this situation, it's not fair to me... and there's nothing I can do about that. Also, I feel like the only reason anyone would say such things (I can't make promises, you never know, etc.) is just because they want to leave their options open "just in case" something better comes along. Believe me, there are lots of eligible men here in San Marcos, but I told Brock that I'm at the point in my life where I feel like I could commit to someone and that I could promise him if he could promise me. But still, no promise. The only thing that throws me off is that he has called me and still acted really into me since I've been away. He's introduced me to his family, all of whom seem to like me and tell him "don't fuck this up." Our friends tell him the same. I look in the mirror, and I don't see the hottest chick in the world, but I see a good-looking chick... a tall, blonde, curvy girl with a pretty face and a fair complexion. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I know I'm not ugly. I get hit on all the time. But more than that, I'm ambitious. Like I said, I graduate from college in 3 semesters, and that will open so many doors for me. I feel like whoever I am with will reap those benefits as well. Also, I have absolutely no baggage. I don't have kids, and I have not whored around a whole lot. I have slept with a total of 3 people, one of which is this guy. For the past three years, I feel like I have been in one situation or another where I devote my heart to it, but I never get that in return. I'm there for them, but they won't claim me. And I'm having a hard time understanding why. I've been involved in many "relationships," but haven't been called someone's "girlfriend" since I was 17. I know that I live far away and will continue to do so until I graduate. But I have expressed to this guy that I have every intention of moving back home when I'm done because, although I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Austin area, I don't want to be so far away from my family forever. I want to see my nieces grow up, and I want to be around those who mean the most to me. That's my family and friends back home. So with him knowing this, and seeming so into me... at least enough to call me several times a day and invite me to the lake to meet his family... I don't get it. I'm really not trying to push the issue yet. But how much of my "give a fuck" do I have to waste before I know it's not for nothing? Although I am a very goal-oriented person, I have never gone after men who are like me. I guess opposites attract. I am an experienced writer burning with passion. I have my 2-year degree in journalism and am so close to my bachelors that I can taste it. I have real world experience doing this job, and I love it. When it comes to guys, It's uncommon for me to be with someone who has even finished high school. Even the dudes I dated while I was in high school ended up dropping out eventually. I think that's a little bit weird! lol This guy works on cars. He keeps a job, has no children, has the same political views as me, values his family more than anything in the world and is a true sweetheart. He's good-looking, but he might drink a little more than I wish. But he's fun to be around, and I think I can honestly see myself with him for a long time. He is not a slut or a playboy. I've been around him enough to know that... and my friends who know him better than I do vouch for that. He told me he's not going to be "looking for it" while I'm gone, but that still leaves me with the impression that if a girl put the moves on him, he wouldn't see me as a factor not to pursue it. And that bothers me. I'm so conflicted right now. I don't know if I should just cut it off now to save my heart or if I should give it some more time. After all, this situation still is very new to both of us. But still, I'm at this point in my life where I'm tired of being hurt. I either want to be by myself or I want to be exclusive with somebody. I'm tired of this half-assed shit, and I don't know if I can put myself through it again if he can't make me the promise. Any advice??
i've never liked long distance relationships. i was in one when i was like 16 and it sucked because it was with a kid with all together i was with for 3 years (on and off all over the place) he'd say the same things to me and i didn't like it at all then, but now i don't mind... i mean with me anymore if i am with a dude and he's going to be far away i'd have an open relationship with him until he or i gets back. things happen, you don't get the affection you want so you seek it else where, that doesn't mean the person doesn't dig you, it's just how some peoples minds are , especially weak ones. if you don't think you can handle him being with other people then don't do it, because that'll just put you through way too much stress and for ladies especially stress is no bueno. there's plenty of fishies in the sea!
May I offer a few thoughts, speaking as someone more your mom's age ... ? It sounds to me like you've already answered your questions ... I'm referring to your ambitions to finish college, as well as being fed up with the "half-assed shit". There's your answer right there. At this point in your life, you have to look out for yourself. As you say, you're almost there. I can't imagine that you'd let anyone or anything interfere with finishing school, but just to drive home the point ... you'd never forgive yourself if you let your education slide for some guy, especially one who, as you point out, is just into keeping his options open. And that's not a knock on him. He can only be what he is. Not to be cold-hearted, but there are plenty more like him. That's not to say you shouldn't date him. Keep seeing him if he's fun and exciting. But just don't expect a lot to come of it. You're young ... you've got years ahead of you and I have a feeling you'll have much better luck with men when you get out into the real world. You've got ambition and brains and a good head on your shoulders ... those things are very attractive, you know. Oh, and by the way ... it's true that opposites sometimes attract. But when they do, the odds are way stacked against them.
