Anxiety & Enlightenment

I started meditating when I was about 20. Reading everything I could about enlightenment and spirituality. Coming from a past with anxiety and depression I was eating the thought of internal true happiness up by the shovel full. I fell in love with the idea of actually having my own light and not looking to others for a way. I grew up in a christian family but I couldnt grasp the idea of everything they tried to teach me and make me live by. I started out rebelling as much as I could. Drugs galore, illegal activities, fighting constantly with my family when i knew that wasnt really me.
Ive always been kind of aware of myself, if ya know what i mean. Mindfulness, real sensitivity to others and the ability to just sit and watch myself and my emotions and watching the wires connect and disconnect in my brain.
I tried mushrooms. POP!!! It was like a FULL realization of everything, everyone and even this even crazier sense of self. I always here this criticism of people who find themselves after tripping, but no, no fucks givin .
Anyways. After years of reading and meditating, and looking farther within i felt energized and loved myself more than i ever though i could. I felt hot from the inside, burning brighter than anyone i have every looked to for love and light.
I recently moved to Phoenix AZ. And i felt the crash landing of super duper anxiety and depression. Drinking on the daily, and felt no one to turn to. Ive come out of that hole for the most part but its just scary knowing this one time of drastic change threw myself into panic mode. Like, why when i felt so good did i leave myself hanging when i needed me the most?
I just wanna know some of your guys' experience. Am i the only one who feels theyve climbed onto this new level of existence while caring their mental problems with them? Or are there others out there like me? Hopefully i can reach one of you guys. I feel talking to someone who truly understands will maybe let me or us come to some kind of better resolution.
In case who ever is reading and knows anything about the Myers Briggs test, I'm an INFP (the rarest personality type). Dunno if that has anything to do with ma brain space being the way it is.
I appreciate you guys so much!
Love & Light yall!

 

One primitive tribe likes to say, "Mother nature's love is irresistible, but she has a wicked sense of humor." As Allan Watts wrote, "God is playing peek-a-boo" and nature's sense of humor rivals her love because instant karma is always gonna getcha baby! That's why I always tell people the minute I become perfectly humble I insist on telling everyone! When mama calls and papa is my rock the path knows my feet as my feet know the way.

 

Phoenix AZ has weird energy...

 

I might be able to give you a better response with some more information/ clarification.

How long have you meditated? Do you meditate daily? Can you describe your meditation practice better?

When you had your experience of transformation, how long did it last?

 

Ican relate, but kind of the opposite. I do well with change. I stagnate and lose my center when things remain the same for too long.

But yeah, i do relate. I will go through periods of time where i feel like i have it all figured out, then out of nowhere depression and anxiety will catch up with me.

I think if you're prone to anxiety and depression and treat them in natural ways you have to be really vigilant about doing whatever techniques you use. . Sometimes i'll feel like i'm in a good place so i can give myself some wiggle room and let my guard down, but then i start to develop bad habits and lose my focus. I think it is important to cultivate good habits that foster a good state of mind and maintain those habits, even if you feel like you dont need them at any given time.

I am an INFP also!

 

It is my understanding that depression and anxiety from a pure Tantric perspective aren't to be avoided but to be accepted as a gift because it shows us what we need to work on. Rather than trying to avoid these issues/thought when meditating try looking at them from as many angles as possible and find the lesson in it.

C/S,
Rev J

 

I appreciate your guys' responses a bunch. I've been up and down but thankfully I've fell a lot more level within the last few weeks . Ok, some answers.
- Ive meditated on and off for about two years now. It hasn't been daily in a little while, but I'm getting there!
- I've worked on a lot of vipassana meditation, visualizations, meditations on anxiety, depression, happiness, inner zen, kundalini, meditation with rocks, seriously everything i've stumbled upon i've tried. some more than others. all feeling as rewarding as the next.
- I honestly can't say what my whole experience was, I can barely remember the whole of it, but I do remember having like a calmness coming over me, being irritating with myself and how I've acted towards myself and everyone else. Feeling in general more connected with myself and everything else.

I have read a couple times that you should embrace your mental issues. Letting anxiety and depression just be a part of you actually helps it not be as hard. I really really like that. I read a book called Buddha's Brain, I swear by it guys , but it links the Buddhists practice to neuroscience and how the practice actually builds the brain in the best possible way a person can. But it has a section on anxiety and depression and how you should embrace it and treat yourself like a wounded bird, not be pitiful but give yourself the right treatment necessary to be healthy. I've practice cultivating good habits and taking care of my bad, small update: I wasn't drinking horribly when I originally wrote this but I've cut back significantly, I've had three drinks in the past two weeks

Meliai- you must be as strange as me. I haven't met another INFP to my knowledge

Anyways, once again thanks for your guys' input! I appreciate yall. Sorry for the long paragraphs, I honestly still don't have anyone I can connect with on this level here in Phoenix, and yes, it's weird here lol!

 

One of the things that I've encountered across meditation traditions is an emphasis on daily practice. If you don't feel motivated enough to practice every day, imho, look for a different practice that you can maintain daily.

 

It takes motivation to practice anything daily. When you're practicing meditation to feel good e.g. ridding one self of mood swings or depression, it's sometimes hard to find the motivation to do anything daily, including the one thing that'd make you feel better. I was meaning I realize what you're saying. I'm trying to get into a daily routine. I'm at about 3-5 days a week so I'm close
From what it sounds like, you have a little bit of experience with meditation. Do you practice?

 

Yes. I've bounced around with a bunch of different practices for quite a few years. I thought all of them were good practices, but I just had a hard time keeping up daily practice.

I've been doing a new practice now for a little over a month. It's been easy to do, so far so good.

 

Yeah, it's difficult to keep up with something like that every single day.
Do you mind if I ask what it is that working for you? I'm definitely always open to new ideas. How do you know what really works if you haven't tried it yet

 

I also like change, stagnation leads to boredom leads to depression.
I've never figured anything out, whenever I thought I did, it always ended up I had it all wrong.
Depression easily solved with exercise, I've never met anyone that could sweat profusely for an hour or more every day and also claim depression.
On the other hand sitting quietly an contemplating ALWAYS and INEVITABLY leads to depression. If you get depressed easily the last thing you need is meditation.

@Kate,
Whenever you get the urge to meditate, put on some running shoes and run until your legs hurt. That'll cure your depression.
People who meditate are usually totally and utterly fucked up (but I'm never entirely sure which was the cause and which was the effect).

Live for today and maybe look forward to tomorrow but forget beyond that, you might be dead by then.

 

Studies have shown meditation can increase one's capacity for happiness. I think you're dead wrong about meditation being the last thing a depressed person needs.

And you act like meditation amd exercise are mutually exclusive, they're not.

 

I've been doing Integrated Amrita Meditation. It's Amma's practice. It takes about 35 minutes a day.

If you are interested in learning it, there may be some obstacles though. There are only a limited number of instructors, I think the closest one to you may be in Santa Fe. Amma's going to be in the San Fran bay area soon, and I think IAM is also taught at her events, but that's even further away.

 

I'm going to have to look into that more. I've had friends talk about it but I'm not sure if I'm thinking of the right thing. That and if there's anything at all closer to me to check out. I've went to the spiritualist church but since I've moved a little south of Phoenix, I've had no time to head all the way up there.

Wow

I've never heard anyone ever say meditation isn't at least a benefit for depression. Not to say you aren't entitled to you're own opinion, but it has definitely been proven to increase gray-matter in the brain, which is responsible for mental health, memory, learning, self-awareness, introspection, and other stuff. It's also been said it's basically exactly like working out according to your brain. Only difference is when working out, you work out both your brain and body. Basically both release endorphin's and make you happy.

http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/

this is a link to the Harvard study they did on the brain before and after and 8 week mindfulness meditation course. Definitely check it out

 

You might want to take a look at this thread
http://www.hipforums.com/forum/topic/458019-treating-depression-and-anxiety/

...and also this thread about acupressure self-massage

http://www.hipforums.com/forum/topic/478672-acupressure-self-massage-for-treating-depression-and-insomnia/?hl=acupressure

 

Pretty much all of the literature that I've read and every teacher that I've talked to has stated that any activity can be a form of meditation. Hence sitting meditation vs. walking/moving meditation. As a matter of fact I've gotten quite a bit of what I was looking for in moving forms like Tai Chi, or Falun Gong while skateboarding.

C/S,
Rev J

 

focused attention is what meditation essentially is, how you achieve that and what you focus on are where/how the various schools of thought differ.

 

I do not consistently meditate however if I may. Life is going to be what it is determined to be and therefore should simply be accepted. It doesn't have deep roots only superficial realization. Love is an unnecessary concept derived from the essence of self which is false and therefore it too can be nothing but false. Self is a stepping stone to greater understanding but how can existence advance up the steps of all thing and no thing if it stands only on one step. Step up and step out.
May understanding increase

 

One day as I was working on a trick a voice spoke up from my subconscious telling me to "Move with intent and purpose." I'm pretty sure that came from some of my meditation training.

C/S,
Rev J