another way to be a parent for your child??

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by sef, Jun 3, 2004.

  1. sef

    sef Member

    i am trying to write a research paper on transcendentalism and the effects of this on various aspects of life.

    if you had a child and raised it as it had no certain parent figure just as the whole commune was the same, would you and why?

    i was wondering how a child raised in a commune would develop spiritually

    need replies fairly soon

  2. sef

    sef Member

    im trying to write this as you thinkabout replying and see this... please
  3. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Hmmmm, you might want to wait more than 20 minutes before getting upset. ;)

    I would not think communally raising a child is a good idea. I mean, raising a child IN a commune is fine, but every Child Development study ever done has shown children need to bond to one or two caregivers to develop normally. (I have a Master's in Child Dev, so I have read only about 5000 of these studies.)

    You can look at the experiement in Israel, in the Kibbutz where childrne were raised in groups and NOT by their parents. There is a HUGE amount of attachment disorders, problems with having relationships later in life, lots of phobias and fears and distrust of intimacy among people raised in these parent-free Kibbutzes in the 60s and 70s. It was an experiment gone horribly wrong.

    Children NEED a mama, no exceptions.
  4. RyvreWillow

    RyvreWillow Member

    There's no way i would let other people raise my kids, even if it was my own family.

    My personal opinion is that if anyone wanted to raise their children this way (and i am NOT bashing the commune idea, but the parent-free one), it's only because they have no real interest in their child, and are trying to get away with taking no responsibility. Alot of people do the same thing, by leaving their children with Grandma or whoever for weeks or months or even years at a time.
  5. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    I can't even imagine how a mom would distance herself from her own childern like that. Must have been a lot of Anyway, it is something I def. wouldn't do. I can't even pull myself away from my kids for a few hours. I drive myself nuts thinking about them. Its nice to include lots of family memebers into the babies life but seperating yourself from them seems cruel. They grow and live inside their mother for 9 months and the last thing they want is to come out and no longer have the safe feeling they had.
  6. lunar forest

    lunar forest Member

    Earthy Mama, I like you!
    You are the kind of young mama that people need to see! Way to bash sereotypes!
  7. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    thank you! and the same to you lunar! yay for young moms who love their kids, lol
  8. mosaicthreads

    mosaicthreads Member

    Thanks for the info on the Kibbutz communal childrearing experiment. I remember wondering in the 70's about how those children would turn out. ITA that children NEED a mama! Or at the very least, a mama figure in thier life. As mothers we are teaching our children how to love and relate to others in the world. They need the security of a mother's unconditional love.

    I think we are already seeing the results of a generation or two that have been raised in daycare and government schools. Those that have not had a strong mother figure in thier lives will have attachment and relationship problems throughout life. Is this really the legacy we want to pass on to the next generation?

    I simply don't think that a child raised communal without being allowed to become attached to one person in the early years, could possibly develop well spiritually. I think they would be spending most of their lives searching to fill the missing love of a mother. Even in the animal kingdom we find that when the baby is deprived of it's mother, it does not learn the relationship and surrvival tools it needs as a mature animal.

    Sorry for getting on my soapbox. I hope you got some of what you were looking for Sef. :)
  9. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

    Only the child's mother can give the child the unconditional love it needs. There's a bond that can't be duplicated. Daycare centers are an excellent example. Children whose parents leave them at 6 am to 6 pm don't get the love and support from the daycare providers that their mothers can give. Only a mother can look at her kid that screwed up and say, "Well, I still love you, no matter what."

    Like Eryn said, the connection that grew with the baby inside of you is stronger than anything imaginable.
    I love how my baby can reach out for me when she is standing on her changing table, and basically fall. And she KNOWS that I am going to catch her. That trust she has in knowing that I will keep her safe, that I will kiss her booboos and they will feel better. When she is sick, the best medicine is to be held by me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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