anonymous letter to a long-time (mostly unreciprocated) crush...

Hey guys...I mostly wrote this because I've been dealing with feelings of a somewhat unrequited love interest. This person is also someone I have a lot of respect for and would love to see as strictly platonic in my life, if I could talk myself out of having *those* kinds of feelings for him. He's really a treat to be around either way, and he's a kindhearted and sweet soul. I really have too much self respect to keep pining after a relationship that doesn't exist and would like to get myself to the point where I can embrace the friendship that is. So here's my letter to him...which of course I am not going to actually ever show him, haha..It's just for me to get it off my chest and try to move away from the more unhealthy feelings I have for him.
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To you...the one that for some reason keeps captivating my soul...

Your connection to my past makes me want to hang out with you more, and your excellence, focus, and passion within your present makes you mostly unavailable to even shoot the s**t more than every great once in awhile but it's also endearing and makes you that much more attractive to me. I confessed some of my deeper feelings for you recently and your answer was that you're busy and unavailable for that level of relationship. For some reason those feelings on my part never ended, but I know it wouldn't benefit me to re-confess at this point in time because your present life situation hasn't changed, nor does it seem like it ever will, at least for the foreseeable future.

On one hand, I feel like I'm in love with you, like I always have been in love with you. You were my first puppy love, but we dated for a mere week in high school and stayed friends from there on out which is also fine with me. I'm in love both with who you used to be, and who you've become, even though your present situation doesn't allow time or availability to be a good partner. I appreciate your honesty in that, and truthfully I know it's healthier not to pine after someone who simply can't fulfill that role, and gracefully accept the role you can play in my life, which is that of a sincere and thoughtful friend. My connection with you and respect for you reaches into the platonic side of things as well. I really do want to start thinking of you strictly platonically, as a dear and important friend, because I know that is all you're able to be right now, and it's unrealistic and unhealthy for me to hold out hope that one day that will change. I'm not some helpless damsel who needs a man to sweep her off her feet - I am a strong, independent and capable woman who doesn't need a relationship to feel fulfilled...but it doesn't stop me from wanting you. It's hard when you're so beautiful inside and out. It's hard to talk myself out of wanting something that is ultimately not good for me. I do have a high amount of self-respect and I shouldn't spend one iota of energy wanting something I just can't have. Then again I suppose it's human nature.

I just have to keep reminding myself that dating someone as busy as you are would end up being more hurtful in the end, because I would feel neglected. I should instead, if I want to find love in a partner, open myself up to someone who could be more stable and reliable as a partner. I know there are plenty of folks out there who could be excellent lovers. I'm certainly in no rush to go off and settle down, anyway, although the older I get, the less satisfied I am with "hookups" and "casual things" and "friends with benefits." I'm honestly at a point where I either want something real or fly solo...so why is it that I punish myself with thinking about what it would be like if you and I were together?

Gotta keep saying to myself, "Self, this is a fantasy and only a fantasy. Real life with this person would be nothing like the fantasy and would be extremely hurtful. Nine times out of ten the fantasy is way better than the reality." Furthermore, the women who've gone out with you ended up being frustrated in the end because of how you devote yourself to your craft to a fault, to the point where you don't put very much time into interpersonal relationships other than your contacts involved in your craft. You end up not being available, and most women want someone who can be available a good portion of the time. I mean, I'm not expecting someone I end up with to spend every waking second with me, or even every day. But if your girl can only see you once a week or less, she's going to get burnt out on the relationship in the end. And I also have to face the possibility that I'm not in love with you specifically, but with the idea of how a relationship with you would be in my little fantasyland.

But it's still so hard, because I thoroughly enjoy you to a fault. You're an incredible person and your big brain, your devotion and passion for your craft, and your general kindness and lack of judgment of others are qualities that endear me to you even more. But at some point I have to say, "enough" and be healthy. I am the only person who's guaranteed to spend the rest of my life with me...so since I don't want to rock the boat and tell you this stuff myself, I'm going to anonymously get it off my chest here. I am going to take care of myself from here on out. When I do find love with another person, it'll be reciprocated on both sides, and I'll be a healthy, whole person myself so that I can fully enjoy those feelings with another healthy and whole person. It's the only right thing to do, really.

Take care of yourself, and I do look forward to when we get to run into each other again. I accept and respect that you have your life and need to live it the way you see fit, and that you aren't the right romance partner for me because of this. I fully embrace you as a strictly-platonic and kindred friend. I wish you the best. Peace, my friend!

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Unrequited love is hard to deal with, but I feel like I can get over those unhealthy feelings and move on. Life can be so neat if you don't spend your time lamenting that which you can't have and appreciate that which you do. I have a pretty good life, and a lot of promise ahead for my future if I work hard, so that's what I plan to do! Furthermore I feel like if I tackle life with a positive worldview I can put out the kind of energy that could eventually attract the right person to share my life with. peace and love, everyone!

 

I totally understand how you feel.

I am dealing with feelings similar to that with my closest friend. It is really hard to see him with someone else now, but I wouldn't want to lose the friendship for anything. I have een trying to separate more, and it is helping me out on that end of things.

 

Yeah, I decided I kind of had to scale back on the frequency with which I see and talk to him to kind of give myself a buffer for awhile. It sucks because I LOVE the band he's on, and not just because he's in it. They are an amazing band and I love to see their shows (mostly house shows). But the whole time I'm hoping for his attention and rarely get it because well, he's at a show so he's really mostly expected to talk to the other bands. It's an unhealthy cycle for me. I've decided at future shows that he's at I'm going to focus on other people primarily and just enjoy the music - not ignore him necessarily - but not expect anything from him either.

But seriously, he has a track record of being so focused on his music that he really doesn't make himself available to anyone he's in a relationship with, and they have all left feeling neglected and frustrated. I feel neglected and frustrated as a platonic FRIEND, what makes me think I'd feel any better as a neglected gf? And what makes me think I'd be the one to make him be a more balanced person to be able to handle both music and a partner? I'm a good catch, but I'm not some magic person either.

Actually since I wrote this a lot of those passionate feelings have faded and reality has set in. But he's so hot and sometimes my hormones take over for a few. When I see him I get all jiggly in my legs and horny, as retarded as that sounds. And sometimes I think I confuse my hormones with love. Stupid!! So I think for a long while if I'm around him I'll have to limit my interactions to protect my heart.

In the long run I hope I DO start to think of him as platonic only. He is a nice person and generally means well, and enjoyable to be around if I weren't all a-flutter over him.

 

Great idea, as long as you think that you won't be dissapointed at all. I have tried a few "cold turkey" changes like that - going somewhere or doing something and trying to put myself in a different mind set, and it usually dosen't work.....that may just be me though.

Us musicians are a crazy bunch - and that is why I won't date another one!

 

yeah, I've pretty much decided that I prefer to be somewhat of the focal point of someone I'm in a relationship with instead of second place, so's I gotta stay away from those workaholic musicians no matter how much they turn me on...haha

 

there are some very chill, very passionate musicians out there.. hope you find one to connect with or somebody else
thank you for sharing your story w/us