...and then everyone gasped!

I was in this remedial, cure for insomnia, 'Business Office Technology' (In this case, that's a fancy way to say sixth-grade grammar) class that I have to take to transfer the other day when something kind of funny happened.

We were talking about when to use the titles Mr., Mrs., and Ms. Everyone knew about the first two, but when it came to Ms., nobody else raised their hand. So I did. The teacher asked me to explain. I am sure I'm not enlightening anyone on here, but apparently in my BOT class this was scandalous. I said that when a man is refered to as 'Mr.' it's a sign of respect, but reveals nothing about his marital status, which probably has little to do with his job. I pointed out that you can refer to a woman as Ms. if you don't know her marital status and a woman can refer to herself that way if she doesn't feel her marital status is anyone's business or has anything to do with her job. (Perhaps this is not a verbatim explanation. It happened last week.) Everyone gasped as though I had said something scandalous! They gasped as though I had just come out at a Southern Baptist convention.

The teacher knew what I meant. Now they all think I'm a lesbian. Oh, well. That's Ms. Scandalous to them!

Isn't that silly?

 

I'm kind of suprised that they reacted like that. I thought the usage of that title was common knowledge.

Plus, no one seems to care when I tell them that I like to be referred to as Ms, and I'm only 17! People my age don't seem to make a big deal about titles because they rarely have a reason to not go by their first name yet.

 

Exactly. I didn't think I was saying anything radical, or anything that anyone didn't know. Their reaction really caught me off guard, but it was funny at the time. I would never have expected this to be a revelation to anyone.

The only possible explanation I can think off is that nobody was paying attention (This class is an auditory sleeping pill. It dulls the senses.) and they just clued in on the words '...none of your business' or 'nobody's business' or however I said it.

Sort of along the same lines, whenever someone calls me on the phone and asks for Mrs._____ I tell them there's no Mrs. anything at my house, and if they knew me they'd know that, so they must be a telemarketer.

 

That's strange...


I learned that in grade school...

 

That don't surprise me none.

Just the mere hint that our government might not be all glorious and perfect is enough to get you dirty looks around here.

Of course I live in the land of Karl Lindner, one of the wealthiest and most powerful Bush supporters. The Lindner family essentially owns the city of Cincinnati. They and the Tafts. It's all about old German catholic power.

Fuck 'em in their arse, I say!

 

Okaaaay....

 

ok, maybe I forgot to write the part where that has anything to do with feminism...and now I forgot...so you'll just have to take my word for it.
FIGHT THE MAN!

 

that just made me think, how come women get two titles, but men only get Mr.?

 

Oh how people get sensitive ---

You know, I always went by Ms. until I got married, then I was Mrs. and now that I'm divorced I'm a Ms. again..and will probably remain.

I agree that it's a choice one is entitled to make ---
I'm with whoever said that they thought the usage of Ms. was pretty common knowledge.

I'm with YOU on the telemarketer thing too. When they just assume you're a Mrs. it's a bad sign. It kills me even more when they ask for "Mr. Gina so-and-so"... I ALWAYS laugh when they say that. Always, and it throws them --- I guess they just don't take the time to read you know?

Ms. --- who knew it was such a controversy!!!!

Gina.

 

its just a pain in the ass...



Why not make Mrs like Mr? seems seneless to have three different titles where people have to guess your title, and if they guess wrong, they get a mouthful because they offended someone. Its silly.

 

Perhaps the shock is related to the fact that your couse is "remedial."

 

I feel you, Gina...my situation was Identical to the title-switching-before & after marriage thing...
Every time a telemarketer calls with "Mrs.", I always wince...and it's clear they don't know who lives here.
For me, Ms. expresses my individuality --it says I'm not all about or limited to an attachment to a man or anybody else.
It also adds a sense of mystery when someone is curious about whether you ARE attached or not.
Overall, I guess it's a personal preferrence. I'm not a nut about it, but I respect those who feel strongly about it.

You'd think in 2004 there would be no 'gasping' in a classroom setting, like you slapped somebody's Mama...I think her explanation was right on the money.

 

wouldnt doing away with miss and ms and adopting Mrs make everyone happy?

 

I find it so funny when telemarketers ask for the wrong person, ie Mr Miller (my mom's last name) and then when I say he doesn't exist, they pause. Then they ask for my mom by name, and I say she isnt' home.... I think half the time they decide we're a lesbian couple, because we have different last names, and I wasn't listed as living here for the first month or two, when the telemarketers would call every other day

Anyways, because I'm young (and look younger than I am), most people just assume to call me miss. I don't really care either way, quite frankly, except for the fact that whether or not I'm married is absolutely no one's business, unless I decide to share that info with them.

 

Really can't understand the fuss about Ms. Seems common enough to me. If anything it would make perfect sense to use it if there is any doubt about a woman's marital status. I work as a receptionist and often have no idea whether the client is a Mrs, Miss or whatever.

I intend to use it myself, haven't yet because in a moment of madness I let my motrher convince me not tick that box on my forms. She is convinced that everyone will think I'm a lesbian (I'm not, but who cares)
And/or that it is only suitable for divorced women, though I did point out that my brother's tutor goes by Ms and she has never been married (far as anyone knows)

Will from now on though; Miss sounds childish (and I get flashbacks of it whined at teachers) and Mrs is out because I'm not married, and it sounds a bit 'old'. So Ms fits just fine.

 

I hardly think three options is cumbersome, but if I had to pick one it wouldn't be Mrs. That implies that the woman has been married.

As far as I know in Spanish the only options are the equivalents of Miss and Mrs. When I was in a Spanish class the teacher told me that since I have been married, even though I'm not now, I'm a senora (imagine the little squiggle over the n). I thought that kind of sucked. So, just because I made one stupid mistake it becomes a part of my name FOREVER?

I don't, however, consider this a huge issue. I posted my story because the reaction of my classmates seemed so odd to me. Very unexpected.

Someone commented that it might have to do with the class being remedial. I don't doubt it. I ended up in the class because a school that I was planning to transfer to required it and didn't consider my grades in more advanced classes or give me the option of testing out of it. Now I found out I can't transfer to that school because of transportation problems. UGH. Some people in the class really are struggling, though. I feel sorry for them.

 

It is more cumbersome than you think. Frankly it doesnt matter which title is used, but one shoudl be decided upon and used.

I've found it easier just to say ma'am(or professor/doctor etc) the same way i use sir. Whether ma'am is supposed to show marital status i dont know, dont really care honestly. I think its the height of insecurity for a woman to get upset at someone because he/she mistakingly said mrs or miss, most likely done out of habit instead of presumption

now i have a serious question to those who are bothered by their marital status being revealed: do you hide your left ring finger from view?

 

I personally don't think it's about trying to hide one's marital status.

I think that in many situations in which a woman would be addressed with any of these titles, such as at work, her marital status is almost certainly irrelevant. Why should the respectful title that she's addressed with refer in some way to her marital status, to whether or not she's bound to a man?

When I think about it, it seems archaic. It reminds me of a time (or cultures) in which people felt that it was imperative to know immediately whether a woman was married or not. There were no women who were recognized as doctors at one time. A woman's social status had everything to do with her marital status.

Now a woman can work outside the home, vote, drive, get an education, have a bank account, and do other things that at one time just weren't done. Times have changed.

Ms. is useful if you don't know someone's marital status. Men get by with just one equivalent.

To understand how annoying it can be to be called Mrs. when you're not married, it may be necessary to marry and then divorce my ex-husband. Then you could relate. I earned that divorce.

 

*

 

Haha, that is silly.