"And I Feel Her" I never dread the rainfall, when I drive to her each night. And if the world stops turning, I know it will be alright. The winter chill is bitter, and escapes from her sweet lips. But nothing else compares to the warmth of her fingertips. She comforts me in her arms, until I begin to drift away. We lay under the stars until the nightmoon greets the day. Her heartbeat keeps me going, and her whispers make me cry. Her kisses leave me speechless, and I couldn't tell you why. Mayhap, it is the way she curls her dimples as she dreams. Or could it be the way her smile brightens everything? I know not what this feeling means, but I still enjoy The way she tugs my heartstrings, and she covers me with joy. I will walk for hours, just to be there by her side. And I cant wait for her to greet me, with her arms open wide.
this is a beautiful poem that i hate to make suggestions to, but if i may "Her kisses leave me speechless, and I couldn't tell you why." the last half leaves a weird connotation...maybe "and i needn't explain why" i feel that conveys a better message and the second to last couplet, i dunno, the only thing that comes to mind is "eh" but as i said, beautiful, and i'm sure my girlfriend would love it if i could spit out some poems like this for her
Yea, actually, I was thinking the same thing about those last couple lines, but I just put ot down as it came to me. I hate to rewrite anything, I usually just say, leave it and do better next time. Thank you, man.
i hear ya it's almost a sacrelige for me to edit my poetry but some times there are those rare occasions but of course, i'm not talkin' about grammatical or spelling errors
pretty pretty image. one thing i'm liking about the poetry forum-not everyone posts freeverse, which i expected them to do. the second to last couplet was a little... generic, to put it in a word. other than that, i really enjoyed it. great poem.
not tryin' to be hatin', it's just that it seems like evry time i find a new writing forum people overrun it with freeverse essays which they think make them "deep," and "mysterious." not to mention, i just like having a beat to snap my fingers to while i read the poem .
I know whatcha mean. It's like, once I write it, it's out there, and I hate to change it, because to change it would be to reneg on a prior commitment. (most everyone will think we are crazy, on this. haha) But I always feel like my own toughest critic on the little things like that.
