I've had run ins with neponiatka and Bella recently and I wish to apologize. There are two issues at work here: 1) I have an aggressive communication style anyway; 2) I am embittered and disappointed by gender relations to a great degree, and it often makes it worse. Sometimes I'm able to let go of my resentment (which, it should be understood, is neither toward the posters mentioned above nor toward women generally, but toward the state of gender relations in my social millieu) and some other times I take it off on women I communicate with or meet --- hence my public apology; There are two ideas floating around that make my relationship with women (whom I love too much for my own good) strained. Those are: a) gender roles --- I particularly resent the role of initiator (whereas women are supposed to play the rejecting role); b) puritanism --- the idea that sex for sex's sake, and even a frank show of sexual desire is essentially a dirty practice, that should be avoided --- lest you get stds, or be a slut, or a dog, etc. ad naseum... Since I've had many discussions regarding the aforementioned, and since my opinions are somewhat dissonant with mainstream thought, I tend to have my arguments at the tip of my tongue, and go for the jugular. Even though I'm tremedously bitter in my solitude at this moment (partially because I see no way out), I'll try to ask questions more often than make affirmations, and listen to everyone's arguments as though I've heard them for the first time. But no guarantees, I have my weaknesses. Comments are appreciated.
Thank you. That was very sweet of you to apologize. I understand your points even if we have opposite opinions.
I have been the initiator in all of my relationships.... Hope that makes things seem a little easier... ...although having said that I seem to be in a minorty.... ...a lot of women seem to think they should be pursued by men... I never had the time for all that stuff...i just liked to get in there...too impatient... Aries on the ascendant lol!!
My kind of woman indeed you are! lol. It's funny, I would love to feel allowed to initiate towards women. But I don't... I feel I can do no right --- I'm either a macho pig or a wimp...I can't win. It's impossible for me to look at a woman innocently anymore: I'm always doing something wrong. And when I don't look, I'm still doing something wrong because my indifference isn't genuine. P.S. I released some of my resentment this morining when I finally (after a week of welling up and supressing it because I was busy) broke down and cried. I went through the pictures of my ex-girlfriend and our cats --- how fortunate I am to have met her! --- I cried and cried. As a result I feel much lighter. Bitterness literally makes me gain weight... It seems to be a cycle, my resentment and frustration builds over a period of time...I cry. Then my resentments seems to be gone...I go through a period of exhuberance and take delight in the women around me. Then the resentment builds. I cry. And on it goes... Any guys (or girls, grrrr) feel that way? lol
I have to learn how to agree to disagree without resentment. Thanks. P.S. That would probably be too much to ask of myself. But what do I know?
Yes I understand this for sure... I too cried most of the day.... ...with my despair of love and the illusion i place around it.... Glad to hear you can cry .... that is amazing.. my 80 year old Aries "macho" father hasnt stopped crying since my mother died nine months ago.........it is such a relief for him i feel.... here....take a ((((hug))) from me... ...and some compassion....because your post moved me...
Thanks a lot, honey. Your compassion moves me as well. But we've got to keep going. I love your 80 year-old father already. He's discovered the joys of crying. A significant accomplishment!
Aaahh thanks!! When my ma was alive (and I often wondered from a genetic stance where I inherited my abundnance of emotion) i asked her who I had inherited all my tears from..(she was qute unemotional)... She told me Dad was very easily moved, but never cared to show it in front of myself and sister...... One day he came into the house crying and she asked him what was wrong. He told her a limo had driven up to the house next door and four young men stepped out of it (they had been to a deb's ball). It had made him cry...when she asked why, he replied "aaahhh youth how fleeting it is".... And so now I know where I come from and why I too am also so easily moved...
When I say he has learned to cry since her death.... she didnt like him crying and used to say "stop it" like some would to a child.... Maybe I should have phrased that "he has learned to cry freely" Bless him...
The WWII generation! How much love I have for them! Despite thier hard-nosedness, and perhaps because of it!!!
Hmmm.... Love maybe....but for me also came a nasty tate in my mouth.... And many sessions of intense psycho therapy.. I have never found anything either healthy or endearing about telling anyone to stiffle the most important thing for human growth..... free flowing emotion! It is the cause of most of our disease
I may be wrong, but I find hard-nosed indiffirence just as important as free-flowing emotion. Free-flowing emotion only may lead to none other than suicide IMHO.
I may be wrong, but I find hard-nosed indifference just as important as free-flowing emotion. Free-flowing emotion only may lead to none other than suicide IMHO.
Dear Fex (I always think of feck off when I see your name lol) I dont think you are wrong for YOU But hard nose indifference has almost been the death of me.....but then again I am a woman who lives in a very emotional (inner) world.... Suicide....hmmm....maybe baby...... Still here so far and am quite OLD as you know lol
sexbanshee, I don't know if you're old, but you're certainly one of the sweetest I've come across in this forum. And sophisticated too. Love it. Suicide always looms large in my life. Must mean I'll live to see 90. lol
