Americans need to Eat more Chinese!

Americans need to Eat more Chinese!

When I say Americans need to eat more Chinese, I'm not referring to Kung Pao and egg rolls. I mean Americans need to eat more Chinese people!

As food starts to get scarce on this planet, due to our looming self-extinction, we might as well start consuming what is now the most abundant resource on this planet, Chinese people.

As we all know the Chinese will consume most anything; snakes, monkeys, dogs, insects, just about anything that moves. So feeding them isn't such a big deal. They can either graze on those delights or we can feed them the effluent from their own factories. It goes well with their industrial flavored local water.

And if they're willing to eat anything weaker than a Chinese grandma, why should we shy away from eating a weaker ethnic group? We are the top predator, after all, and they are our prey, or should be.

We are the top dog, consuming much more of the planet's resources, including food, than any other nation or species. But China will soon eclipse us there if they haven't already. We can't let that happen. If they consume more, that means there's less for us in this finite world. The fruits and hamburgers of this world are our God-given right! Right?

Although they used to be nothing but bones, Chinese are now fattening up nicely on our American diet. As more Chinese eat western food, they gain more weight, making them far more attractive to use in your elegant party recipes. Please see my new book, "How to Serve Chinese" for excellent ideas for your next barbecue or luau. Don't miss my favorite recipe; "Tienanmen Square Pressed Student Roast". It's a big hit with the kids.

I also recommend that visitors to China sample the local cuisine. Don't be shy! They won't bite, that is if they're properly cooked. Besides, they're afraid of us since they know all too well that two or more chinese can fit into one pair of American sized pants! Eating one of them wouldn't even add to our waistline, so long as they aren't cooked in trans-fats.

Chinese have been the bottom-feeders of the world for a long time, but now that they aspire to food further up the chain, competing with us for limited numbers of Big Macs and Frappucinos, they threaten our ability to eat like we used to. Indeed, they threaten our very way of life!

Besides their coveting our favorite fat drenched foods, the Chinese are also consuming our favorite beverage, oil, in ever increasing volume. Besides now having to import food staples like grain, driving prices sky high, they are also stealing our mundane, boring industrial jobs. This has led to Americans going to far off lands by the thousands just so they can kill strange people who don't eat Big Macs.

So if we agree to eat more Chinese, we can reverse all these trends.

Fewer Chinese people means more stuff for US!

We can't let them change our lifestyle!!!

Otherwise, one day we might look at ourselves in the mirror and realize that we have become Chinese too...

 

Damn! I'm gettin' hungry now!!!

 

SEE WHAT I MEAN! They will eat ANYTHING!

We need to eat them to stop them from being cannabalistic!

 

Stop this now! This wasn't meant to be a BASH China thread.

This was meant to be a Gourmet Chinese COOKING thread!

 

Isn't that the Michelin Tire Boy? Or Bob's Big Chinese Boy?