Hi, this is my first post and may seem trivial but Im driving myself insane and need advice. My boyfriend lives overseas. We have had a very intense relationship for 18 months. In that time we chat every day, he messages me every day and we have spent long periods of time staying together. The relationship is good, sex is good and I do feel very loved by him. However, from the first time we slept together he has been extremely shy about being naked in front of me. At first he wouldnt even change in the same room and sex was always in darkness. Over time this has got better and we are now at a point where he walks around the house in shorts and sex does happen in semi dark rooms but he usually pulls the covers over. He says he is simply very shy about it and its just the way he is. Other than this our sex life is amazing. I had accepted this and had decided to give him the time he needs to feel fully comfortable. However, on a recent trip to stay with him I was saving some pictures of us from his laptop to bring home with me. He wasn't home so I searched his drawer where I knew he had a couple of pen drives. I took one n found various old pics of him, his family and friends etc. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then I saw a file named "my movie" n I couldn't help but look. I now wish I hadn't. It was a short video of him with an ex girlfriend, having oral sex. The video itself was shocking to see but I know it was in the past and he has told me about this girl. What upset me is that on the video he is totally naked, not covered and not in complete darkness ! So I got to see his private bits for the first time in a video with another woman !! Even more upsetting is that this girl only featured for a few months in his life and he has said she was never very special to him. Am I being silly and insecure to be jealous that he was comfortable enough with her to do this but after 18 months still not comfortable enough with me ? I feel totally ridiculous for feeling this intense jealousy but its making me feel physically sick. I cant tell him that I saw the video as he will l know I was snooping but I cant stop thinking about it. Really need some advice....
OK, I was actually typing a proper, long reply but then I accidentally hit backspace and everything was erased. So here's the point format of what I was typing..... 1 - You shouldn't have snooped in the first place as that's a lack of common courtesy and respect! 2 - Try to look at the bigger picture, underneath the surface of what your situation "seems". 3 - Could it be that something might have happened during his previous relationship with this other girl that made your boyfriend self-conscious physically/sexually? 4 - COMMUNICATE. 5 - You might want to come clean about the snooping, even if it means you'd be risking a lot. Stupid backspace......... *mumbles and grumbles*
