I’ve always been the kind of guy that one night stands/hooking up left me empty, unfulfilled and a little depressed. I need some sort of connection to the person I’m having sex with. I’m not saying I need to be in love. The one guy I’ve ever been with was a FWB and I’ve kind of longed for that ever since. But honestly, I would rather just jerk off than have annonymoys sex. Anyone else out there feel the same?
Not me. Hook ups just are what they are. They can be short and sweet or drawn out and protracted. It never fails to amaze me how many guys need some kind of connection to be motivated to have sex or believe that hook ups are nothing but empty and meaningless sex when, um, no, it isn't - but that all depends on what you believe sex is supposed to be like. Hook ups are perfect when you're horny and you wanna get your rocks off "in a hurry" and without things getting complicated by feelings. They will never depress or fall out of favor with me because it's better than not having sex and jerking off gets old after a fashion and I'm not in the market for an FWB or otherwise being emotionally involved with a guy. Been there. Done that. Won't say it'll never happen again but I'm not trying to make it happen; give me a nice, straightforward hookup. Let's blow and go and if I see you again, fine. I don't have "stranger danger." Hookups just do not scare me for any reason.
A. We have an inner script of the ideal interaction with the ideal person, and when we find ourselves in a promising situation, we have the hope that our script can be turned into reality today, only to realise a little later that we were wrong. This is when a high level of frustration tolerance is helpful. B. You are not overly demanding, but you are not satisfied with the connection that occurs during sexual interaction. Does this mean that you want to have sex with the same person over and over again, as is common with women? C. One-off sexual encounters are not necessarily degraded by the one-off nature, there are even people who find the first time with a stranger the very best and prefer to seek a new first time rather than a repeat. I think you should endeavour to be versatile and enjoy the advantages of all three possibilities as much as possible. If you don’t enjoy sexual variety and anonymous sex at all, you are better off with women. It is easier and more difficult with men.
I feel the same. My best experiences are with guys who are not afraid to share interests and affection. I can still do an anonymous quicky if I desperately need sex, but the effect does not last very long. When i meet someone who communicates respect and passion with their whole body and mind, the effect lasts for years. I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal.
We seem to be in a time where casual NSA sex is seen as a bad thing when, growing up, it was the hallmark of being able to have sex with a guy without things being complicated. Not so much a thing of being anonymous but let's just keep this easy to do and keep any feelings other than pure lust out of things. It's gotten to the point where it's being said and assumed that if you hook up with a guy, you will get infected with something and that's a guarantee! They say it's too risky but when you're looking for that FWB lover, the risks are the same except now any sex will be the "approved" relationship sex that everyone deems to be safer... and that's a seriously false sense of security and I know a guy who got infected five times by his FWB and he thought that sex like this was better and safer than hooking up. He was wrong. Look, you do what you need to do in these things and if hooking up bums you out, then by all means, don't do it - but don't make it bad for guys whose only option is to hook up. Hook up sex can be just as satisfying if you have the time to make it as good as you need it to be. That also means being able to hook up with guys who are interested in the same things and ways that you are.
Guys who prefer some friendship and consistency in their MM relationships are not interested in making things difficult for the fast-hookup crowd. I've been in the MM scene for 50 years, and there is probably a much higher percentage of fast hookups now than there were back in the 1970s and 80s, because more men are experimenting. And, statistics from STD clinics demonstate a lower incidence of STDs among male couples who do not regularly seek unsafe sex "on the side", anecdotes not withstanding. The fast hookup scene is going strong, and is not threatened by guys who want a little more feeling of connection than a series of fast hookups can provide for them.
I used to be more into hookups and generally felt awkward when guys wanted to be affectionate or kiss after we'd cum. Over the years, I've changed though - now I prefer to be with someone who doesn't just roll over and act all odd after sex, but can indulge in the same kind of "afterplay" as I would with a woman. Not really romantic as such - though I wouldn't rule that out - but I want to have a fwb with whom I share affection and respect beyond the bedroom. Makes for much better sex for me even if in the heat of the moment I get turned on by being dominated and manhandled.
I just wonder if us guys are "supposed to" have sex with each other and like we are expected to do with women. I'm gonna give this some thought...
I tend not to be restricted by what other people say I am "supposed to do", unless there is a very good reason for their directives.
