Ok, I've been feeling awful since last night and I have to get some feedback. My husband and I have been trying for almost 2 years (feels like forever) to get pregnant, with no luck. Meanwhile, it seems as thought everyone I know is pregnant. Well last night my mom called me to tell me that my step brother and his wife are expectiong. Well I instantly burst into tears. I quickly tried to recover and tell her how happy I am for them (my stepbrother and I don't speak much) but I feel horrible. Not just for bawling like a baby at the news but I am heartsick. We have been trying for so long to no avail and they decide to start trying and are pregnant within a month. I feel awful that I am not fully celebrating the joy and blessing that i know in my heart that this is, but i just can't. Thinking about it at all makes me tear up. And in a completely unexpected reaction, I almost feel like there is a kind of sibling rivalry going on. Never had anything of the sort with my brother but now I feel like he took something from me. My mom was her grandparent's first grandchild, I was my grandparents first, and I wanted my child to be my mom's first. I know that that's petty but it hurts. Am I crazily selfish??
Your not selfish, selfish is something else. Society today places too much emphasis on having kids. They celebrate it and expect their children to have children, then they expect them to be a certain way (kids do this and this and get so and so good grades). You should only get pregnant if you want to not if your parents wan't to. Your going to be the one raising it and turning grey earlier from the kids not the parents. Kids really aren't all that great, even ones who turn out good like me aren't that great for the most part. 99% of the time raising your child is going to be absolute hell, cleaning up messes, stoping them from hurting themselves/others, property damage, waking up in the middle of the nights, and so on. So if your thinking about having a kid don't be brainwashed by parents ideas on how great it would be to have a kid, only have a kid if you want to really put in the effort to spend 18 years turning a monster into a civilized person. It seems like you care more about pleasing your parents than yourself. So heres what I say, if you really want to get pregnant, YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT NOT YOUR PARENTS, then you should go see a doctor and tell them that after 2 years you can't get pregnant and they should be able to fix it.
Sometimes I wish kids didn't post in the parenting forum. I'm afraid Green just doesn't get what you're talking about. Raising kids is joyus and fun and peaceful. It is anything you want it to be and your attitude lets it be That said. 'm so sorry for your heartache ((((hugs)))) He's your stepbrother right? Does that mean that when you concieve, that babe will be your Mother's first bio grandbaby? Sometimes that makes a bit of difference. Have you been looking into your own fertility? Theres a great board at Mothering Dot Commune all about fertility, infertility and trying to concieve. Here's the link: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=68 Keep your chin up and look inside yourself and be happy. I wish you the BEST on your conception journey.
I don't think so.......i think yer frustrated (understandably, i can only imagine wot yer going through) at your own situation, and for some reason you are venting that frustration towards your stepbrother......I also see your own reaction has startled you, so i think it'll pass. Emotions are ever fickle things, and sometimes we just can't control where/how they find release.... Good luck for the future, hope things turn out better for ya soon
No that isn't selfish - You are only 20 years old - theres loads of time to keep trying, if you are seriously worried about being unable to get pregnant go and see your GP, maybe get refered onto a testing place - just to see if anything is wrong etc. It proberly seems like veryone is getting pregnant and im sure it will be your time soon
No! You're not selfish! I went through an awful time following my miscarriages (I lost my first pregnancy as well as my third pregnancy) when it seemed like everyone I knew, everyone around me, was popping up pregnant, and all I could think about was how angry I was that I had lost my babies, and yet they were so fortunate to be pregnant and not know the pain of losing a baby. I felt hatred, and, this is hard for me to admit to people, but at times, I even wished they would have problems, because I was just so angry and jealous. I wanted what they had. I was fortunate to be able to become pregnant at the "drop of a hat" so-to-speak, so I don't know the pain of trying and not being able to conceive, but I know the pain of becoming pregnant and then losing the dream. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/sad.gif Have you sought any medical advice regarding your inability to conceive? Sometimes, just the stress of TRYING to become pregnant can make it nearly impossible to conceive. Also, if you're over-doing it, the potency of the sperm may not be as high. I am far from being a fertility specialist though, just a couple of thoughts. But no, I do not think in any way, shape or form that you are being selfish. Your feelings are quite normal given your situation. Don't beat yourself up with guilt over it sweetie. I wish you much luck and fertility vibes, and hope for the very best. Much love...
***hugggsss*** I don't think you're selfish either, just frustrated, and i don't blame you. i doubt your step-brother would either, if he understood where you were coming from. Maybe you should talk to him, and let him know that it's a really hard time for you, and that you don't mean to seem uninterested in his joyful news, but it really does hurt to talk, or even think, about it, and leave it at that. If you don't want to talk to him about it, at least talk to your mom.
My husband and I (boyfriend then) Were sexually active (w/o protection)for almost 4 years before I got pregnant. I was not planning my son, no, but I had been told that I probably would not be able to have children. When it is your time, it will happen. I was in my first semester of college when I found out, but I was going to have to drop out anyway, because I had missed sooo much class from my Dad dying of cancer. We didn't have a penny to our names, and didn't have a place to stay either. But things just fell into place after I had Thomas, and everything has worked out so far. Anyway, that's just my story. I agree that the stress may be hurting your efforts. If you haven't already, go to a fertility doctor/expert that is REPUTABLE. (My original ob/gyn told me I has PCOS when I was actually pregnant, and put me on birth control to straighten out my hormones...And he even did a blood test!!! LOSER!!!) See if they can determine if you have fertility problems? Stress is such a ruiner of your whole body! I hope things can look up for you! I'll keep you in my thoughts!
dancinattwilight, exactly the same happened to me a week ago - my husband and I haven't been able to get pregnant in the four years that we've been together and last week my brother-in-law told us his girlfriend of less than a year is pregnant. I couldn't stop crying for ages and kept thinking how unfair it is. Of course I'm happy for them, but, well you know what I mean. Don't feel like you're being selfish - I think it's only natural for us to feel this kind of sorrow xxx
