Am I just scared of my parents?

As i said in another thread, my parents let my younger brother out all hours of the night while i have an earlier curfew. My friends say they have me on too short of a leash and should just tell them "i'll be home when i'm home". They say if i don't stop being scared of my parents and do something they are going to keep babying me.

I recently got a job and when one day i had to work at 7 am my dad wanted to wake me up. He wouldn't even be awake at that time, he would set his alarm just to personally wake me up. I said that's not necessary i have an alarm but no he just fucking needed to because he thinks i can't handle that on my own. Then my mom asks me if i wanted her to walk me to the bus stop. :frown:

I'm not trying to rebel against my parents i think i should be allowed more than i am. Should i tell them fuck off in a nice way?

 

How old are you?

 

19

 

Your parents are most certainly taking the my house, my rules bit too far. You should not have a curfew at your age and you are legally an adult who does not need them making decisions for you. Rather than create a hostile confrontation, however, I would suggest sitting down to calmly and rationally speak with them. If they refuse to see reason, then obviously you need to move out.

 

Throughout History Parents Have Tended To Protect The

Daughter And Let The Son Sow His Wild Oats....

That's Life.



Cheers Glen.

 

no you dont tell them to fuck off...you tell them how much they are appreciated but you are worried that if they keep babying you you will never be prepared for the real world

you tell momma jokingly that you think you are ready to traverse the route to the bus stop alone and that her and pops have done a great job so far but now its time for you grow up a bit....


my kid is 17..i know what they are going through...be nice

 

You're old enough to start thinking about getting your own place.

 

it's easier said than done.
otherwise i would have done that already.

 

I think that you should make your parents understand that you will not become a self-sufficient adult by being walked to the bus. That, to me, is irresponsible parenting.

The important part about this is that THEY need to understand that.

 

Curfew is a bit much at 19, but at the same time if my kids treat my house like a hotel, they will find themselves paying rent. There will be no coming and going at all hours, waking me up.

Just tell them nicely that you are ready to handle the responsibility of getting to work on time.

 

I totally get it but, look, if parents made it easy to just sort of hang around the house hassle-free, we'd all be living at home with them until we're 37 like my younger brother does.

 

Find a way to get out, and do it fast. I'm just finishing High School (just 23 days left, yay!) and then I'm moving to my parents (I live with my grandparents) in Pretoria for 3-4 months, making as much money as I can, building up a few months reserve money, and then I'm moving to Cape Town...

You need the following to move out:
Enough money for a deposit + 1 months rent. That normally equals 3 months rent. You don't need much, just a room, a bathroom and a kitchen. Think minimalistic. You won't have the creature comforts that you have at home, but trust me, freedom is worth it.
Enough money to have food for a few months while you look for a job in the area you're moving to. If you are moving to an area close to where you are currently, and your job pays well enough to provide you with food and rent, then you do not need this reserve.
Enough money for transportation for a few months. Again, if your job pays enough for food and rent, as well as transportation, this is not needed.

And that is it, you can move out. If your current job does not pay enough for your food and rent, as well as transportation, I suggest you keep looking for either another job entirely, or some form of supplementary income.

Now look, don't expect it to be easy. You won't be in the best neighborhood, or in the fanciest apartment, and you will likely just be scraping by, but it IS possible. You must just be prepared to rough it for a while.

 

Why should he not have a curfew? He lives in their home. You wanna make your own rules, get your own place. Until then, you are NOT an adult.

 

Did you notice that his/her younger sibling does NOT have a curfew, while he/she DOES. That is a double standard if I've ever seen it. Just because someone cannot move out for what ever reason, does not make them a child. If there is house rules, it should count for EVERYBODY or NOBODY.

 

We're only getting one side of the story. I'd be willing to bet there is a good reason for it. The dad coming to wake her up for work was a clue to that. My older sister and I had different liberties, as I was more responsible and knew how to be home on time. She didn't, so I got to do more and enjoy more.

 

How responsible someone is should not give them more or fewer liberties at 19. When one is still in school, or a child, that is another matter, but after 18 the rules should just be basic house rules. Certain non-negotiables that count for everybody. When someone is an adult, their parents should treat them like room-mates or tenants, not as their children. If there is a curfew, it should be because the owners of the house (the parents) do not want to be disturbed after a certain time, not because of the person's sense of responsibility. Someone cannot learn to be responsible without getting the freedom to act in an irresponsible way and suffering the consequences. At 19 it is no longer a parent's business if their child makes mistakes and suffers the consequences. When someone is a child, rules are there to protect them, once they are no longer children, it is not the parent's responsibility to protect them, and rules are there to ensure that the parents aren't inconvenienced by unruly behaviour like drunkenness or coming home at 3am whilst making a load of noise. I have a curfew when I go out not because I am to be protected from irresponsible behaviour, but because I don't have a licence and I have to be picked up from wherever I am, and I cannot inconvenience my grandmother by calling her at 2am asking her to pick me up. Also, even if I had a licence, I cannot drive when I have drinks in me, and thus I cannot use their car while inebriated. The only reason I can go out till 12am at all is because my grandmother is an insomniac, and never goes to sleep before then anyway.

So, rules are important, but the reasons for them change when someone becomes an adult. If you rent a place, the landlord will have his own set of rules, but they are there to protect the landlord, not to protect you.

 

Your parents offering to wake you up for work is just nice.... sometimes my parents offer to wake me up if I need, I'm older than you.... but I haven't really had any time I had to be home for many years.

As for a curfew, just tell them nicely that you actually have stuff to do, and/or don't know when you'll be home, or that you think it's private, or whatever.

Maybe your mom just wanted to walk with you?

 

Yea I personally don't see anything wrong with waking someone up for work. I do however see a problem with rules not counting for everybody.

 

Well, as I was growing up, myself and most people I knew grew up pretty much the same when it came to that. I screwed up, I lost some privileges. I did well, I gained trust so I was allowed to go other places. The whole house wasn't punished for one child's screw up. And at 19, if your child is still living under your roof, eating the food you buy, use the electricity,etc., that is not being a responsible adult. Very few 19 yr olds are. She's had the same parents for 19 yrs. If it's truly that bad, join the Peace Corps or the military or something instead of complaining. Be proactive, that is what adults do. We don't have time to complain, we have bills, we get it done.

 

Different people need different liberties, some people can't handle some things, some things cannot be applied in a practical way to some kids, etc etc etc.

It's PROBABLY a case of her parents simply never realizing there's a problem for her, it seems like she's probably quieter and whatnot, and they just don't consider that she might want to be out or doing things or whatever. Maybe, however, she just is a bad kid.......

Besides, a lot of people worry more about their female children, and would rather the be in earlier.

Whatever the case, you can offer advice, but having the same rules for everyone is obviously not reasonable. "fair" nothing, it actually.... IS their house, and their rules, and she is old enough to leave if the rule really was unreasonable. Maybe the fact that she's 19 and her action of asking a messageboard instead of having reasoned it out with her parents years ago sort of makes their point.