Am I in love with my wife? The evoultionary adapted brain of a male...

I am starting to question whether I am in love with my wife. She is very beautiful, I do love spending time with her & I care for her deeply, but lately I’ve started to feel like there may be something missing.

Just to give quick (or not so quick! Ha) background, we met abroad almost 3 years ago and she lived in the Middle East as cabin crew. We did long distance for a year and half and then she moved to the UK to live with me last year. I have found it very difficult at times going from a single guy with total freedom to someone becoming completely dependent on me. Although she is very trusting, she does not like me going out and doing things on my own, as it makes her feel more isolated - which I totally understand having moved to a new country. I think she is a little insecure as she does throw random questions at me asking if I ‘chat with other girls’ or if I find other women attractive. I don’t chat to other women, and I find the other questions awkward as I do find other women attractive but I’m too afraid to say that as she’ll likely get angry & upset- and it’s just human nature at the end of the day? I’m not saying I’m would ever cheat, I’ve always promised myself I would never do that.

I’m not sure if it’s the lack of personal freedom and spending almost all of our time together (and the Covid situation has obviously intensified this) but I find her to be quite annoying. I get irritated very easily with her (most of the time unfairly I’d have to admit) but I can’t help it.

I still find her extremely sexually attractive, but I do find myself fantasising about having sex with other women. This again, I’m not sure if it’s just my male evolutionary brain wanting to spread its DNA or is it a deeper problem?

Any thoughts?

 

My wife and I have been married for over forty years and I still love her so much that it hurts. In spite of that, I fantasize about fucking other women all the time. It's not unusual for most men and nothing to be concerned about. Don't beat yourself up over it.

 

T

thanks for the reply buzzgunner - I appreciate it! You says you love your wife ‘so much it hurts’ - I wouldn’t say I have that same feeling - should I? Does everyone feel like that?

 

No, definitely not. I know long-time married guys who feel about their wives like I do about mine. I also know others who say that, after decades of marriage, theirs has settled into what amounts to a "solid friendship". And yet others (one in particular) who say that it's almost like two strangers living in the same house. I'm near the top end of this spectrum, the last acquaintance I mentioned is near the bottom. As always, YMMV.